As gender norms become more fluid, more and more families are starting to embrace the reversal of parental roles. More men are willing to take on the caregiver role, and raise the kids at home. Some have even put their profession on hold to allow their spouses to build and focus on their own careers. But while society has embraced the trope of the ‘working woman’, stay-at-home dads are met with contempt and ridicule. This is not surprising since many within society have long tied a man’s masculinity with his career. A man who stays at home to watch the kids is seen as emasculating, even though it is actually an act of empowerment and a personal choice to be a more present father. Here are some common misconceptions about stay-at-home dads that we should throw out with the rubbish.
They Don’t Work
It is a common misconception that stay-at-home parents don’t work or earn any income. But in this age of freelance work and remote working, many stay-at-home parents are juggling work and family just like every other parent. The roles may be reversed, but the end goal is the same. To make sure that someone is always at home to watch over the kids, pick them up from school and keep everything in the house in order. Even if stay-at-home dads don’t have a career, they may still take on the responsibility that comes with managing a home. Paying the bills, running errands, supervising maintenance, doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking meals. The list is endless because full-time parenting is a real job. Taking care of a family may not generate any income, but maybe it’s time it did.
They Don’t Do a Good Job
Dads may have their own unique style of parenting compared to mums. But this doesn’t mean that they do a worse or better job at managing the home and taking care of the kids. It can be a bit of learning curve if it’s their first time doing it, but like all new endeavours, practice makes perfect. Many single men have likely had to learn how to live on their own long before they got married, so they may already know how to deal with house chores. Raising a kid may be a whole other ballpark, but by and large, neither gender is particularly at a better advantage for parenthood. Mothers have to learn just as much as fathers on how to be a good parent.
They are Slackers
Some may see stay-at-home-dads as lazy slackers with no ambition. But as previously mentioned, home management is no walk in the park. Families can quickly fall apart if things aren’t taken cared of, even the little stuff like groceries and chores. Most people may dislike housework, but it’s just something that you have to do—and not only as a parent. There is no doubt that there may be a few slackers here and there, but lumping an entire group of people based on the shortcomings of a few is short-sighted. That is as wrong as saying women don’t know how to work in an office because they’re destined to be housewives.
They Don’t have Social Lives
While it may be true that many stay-at-home dads are homebodies, many of them may also have large social circles. Contrary to their label, stay-at-home dads don’t actually stay at home all the time. Even when they’re not running errands or working from home, they may still have their college friends, their gym friends and even their neighbours to hang out with. In fact, there are entire online communities of stay-at-home dads dedicated to helping each other out when needed. Moreover, everyone has hobbies; even if it’s indoor or home activities like playing video games, gardening or collective action figures.
They Aren’t Masculine
As much as we would love the traditional image of a big, burly lumberjack who rips logs in half with his bare hands, such a cliché representation of men is outdated and toxic. More and more men are embracing their feminine side and letting their sons do the same. After all, just like the concept of yin and yang, there can be no balance without opposites. So, it’s no wonder why masculinity, or rather hypermasculinity, is often associated with violence. While there is value in masculine traits, like assertiveness and ambitiousness, too much of it can lead to dominance and aggression. So, what if stay-at-home dads aren’t masculine? They’re closer to their daughters and kinder to their sons—which is a win in everyone’s book.
Stop Shaming Stay-At-Home Dads
At the end of the day, stay-at-home dads are as valid and as important as stay-at-home mums. One would even argue that without them, many women would find it impossible to start or resume their careers after having their first child. So, cheers to all the stay-at-home dads who have paved the way for more women to re-enter the workforce and slowly change the system—like the gender pay gap. As stay-at-home dads, they already have to deal with a lot without society’s side eye watching their every move. So let’s not make it any harder on these amazing men who are just doing their best as fathers. Celebrate the stay-at-home dads in your life, they truly do deserve all the recognition and love.
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