Growing in a typical Chinese family, I have never heard my parents, especially my dad, say ‘I love you’ to us. He is not physically affectionate towards us either.
He is stern, stoic and strict. He would instruct us to do things and we were not allowed to question the reason why we should do what he told us to. Thus, when I was little, I even questioned his demanding acts at home and wondered whether he loved us.
However, over the years as I grew up, I learned to recognise the little unspoken ways my dad showed me that he cares:
5 Unspoken Ways Asian Dads Says ‘I Love You’
#1 Ensures You Have More Than Enough to Eat
Undoubtedly, food is always one of the most important communication methods in an Asian household.
Traditional Asian dads may rarely speak their mind out when it comes to feelings, even if they miss their children who are currently away studying or working. Even when their children are back during the holidays, they may never say:
I’m happy to see you back home, I have missed you.
However, you can expect dads to buy tempting food to welcome you. Taking my dad as an example, he would come back from the morning market with bags of vegetables, meat and seafood whenever my sister comes back from Port Dickson.
#2 Criticises to Motivate You
Typical Asian dads (like my dad) may not compliment their children for encouragement. Instead, you can normally expect criticism from your old man. They may believe that they can bring out the best in you if they push you harder.
Here’s a personal encounter with my dad that I can still vividly recall to this day:
Feeling satisfied over the score of 90 marks for my Maths paper when I was in Year Four, I was hoping to get some recognitions from my dad.
What I received in the end was,
Why are you so careless in your test paper? If you checked carefully, you could have gotten more than 90 marks.
Without understanding my dad’s intention to push me further, I took his words personally and developed low self-esteem. I used to feel that I was not loved and I was not enough.
But worry not, I came to understand the intention behind his words as I grew older. I decided to believe in my capabilities. More importantly, I have learnt not to take my dad’s harsh way of communications personally.
#3 Pays for Your Education
As dads, they wish to give their children a better life than their own. One of the best ways they could think of is to support their children in their learning.
When you were young, your dad supported you financially by paying the fees of the enrichment lessons or talent classes that you were interested in.
The financial support does not stop here.
Your dad even pays for some of your college or university fee even though it might burden him financially. He would always tell you not to be worried about money and to just focus on your study.
A common question from your dad may sound like,
Have you got enough money to use?
Simple as it may sound, this is actually how he may be showing his love and concern towards you and your life.
#4 Picks You Up Wherever You Are to Get Home
Ever since you started school, your dad will be busy fetching you for lessons, extra-curricular activities and even school trips.
If you need to reach school at 5 o’clock in the early morning for school a trip, your dad never says ‘no’ even if he is exhausted over his working day.
He could even wait until midnight to fetch you back home as you came back excitedly from the trip.
As you grew up, you might have moved away from your hometown to strive for your career in big cities. Whenever you wish to go back to your hometown and rode any public transport, you can always count on your dad to pick you up.
No matter what time it is or how far the station or airport may be from your house, your dad will always be the one who fetches you home and sends you off.
#5 Refuses to Accept Your Gifts
Though your Asian dad is willing to splash out for your education, he may be extremely frugal when it comes to spending on himself.
No matter how financially independent you are, he would always refuse to accept the gifts you buy. He would say that you are ‘spending too much’ on unnecessary things.
Never take your dad’s words personally. It is not that he does not appreciate your gift; he merely feels that you should not ‘waste’ your money on him.
Simply persuade him to accept your gift and you will see how much he loves the gifts you bought.
Dads Always Give the Best to Their Children
Asian parents, especially Asian dads, may not be good at expressing their positive emotions. However, they constantly show their love through their actions like preparing enough food to feed you and supporting our education.
While we understand that showing love through actions may not be sufficient to develop a deep, intimate relationship with your loved ones, we should equally understand our Asian dads. After all, everyone has their own love language.
In honour of father figures everywhere, let’s try and show more affections towards our dads. If you still find it awkward to show your dad verbal and physical affections, you can always get your children (if you have any) to hug and say ‘I love you’ to their grandfather.
Your typical Asian dad will certainly feel your love—though he might not mention it out loud.
Motherhood wishes all dads a Happy Father’s Day! You’re all our rocks and we love you!
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