It’s neither a secret nor speculation at this point how men and women are ‘wired differently’. Science has proven it.
But while there is certainly not a lack of research, there is definitely a lack of awareness.
Some men, when asked about why they think a certain way, or why they do the things they do, will have no better answers for you than the next person.
This article, of course, is not meant to pardon men’s shortcomings, or explain them away using scientific jargon.
It serves to open a little window into the mind of men, so you can have some inkling of what exactly makes them tick.
In this week’s column of Daddy Talks, I’ll be revealing some things that some men may wish women knew about how they think.
We Aren’t Mind-Readers
Women typically love it when their partner compliments their new hair, or when men make the first move in a relationship.
But they’ll usually end up frustrated or disappointed because we usually won’t take the hint.
We’re often distracted, dissociating or have other random thoughts going through our minds.
In fact in most cases, men also often get their ‘wires crossed’, especially when it comes to sexy time.
They’ll either see an innocent giggle as a flirty invitation, or completely ignore your advances when he’s not in the mood.
The same goes for when he’s asking where you want to eat.
Men are never good at decoding mixed signals.
If you want something from him, it’s probably easier to just ask.
Granted, you probably won’t get many genuine romantic gestures this way if he’s just doing what he’s expected to. But at least you’ll know he still cares enough to do them.
We Focus on Action
Most men struggle with relating to their partners during intimate heart-to-hearts.
Their wives may come to them after a stressful day to vent. And the husbands may not entirely be paying attention.
But remember, just because we’re not talkative, doesn’t mean we don’t care.
In fact, when we go out of our way to give you solutions it’s usually from a place of love.
Even if it’s not what our missus may want to hear.
This may be because men’s brains are more logical, unlike the more intuitive female brain. Probably a result of the aggression-inducing hormone testosterone that often results in the need to act.
When a women comes to man with a conversation, he will most likely treat it like a problem, even when all she wants is a shoulder to cry on.
We Don’t Like Details
‘Details schmetails’, the man may say. ‘Just get to the point’.
Whether its due to impatience, exhaustion or simple disinterest, some men will not willingly hear about your 20 minute rant about that toxic co-worker who’s been making the office a living hell.
If you’re telling him this after a tiring workday, good luck trying to get him interested.
Studies show that a man’s brain shows much less neural activity when at rest compared to a woman’s.
This reveals to us a great deal about how differently men and women approach relaxation.
Men zone out to replenish their brain cells, but women may need to engage in stimulating banter to do the same.
So, leave your hubby to his mindless post-work channel-surfing before you bombard him with conversation.
He may simply need to recharge mentally and emotionally.
There’s Not Much Going on In Here
Everyone knows about that meme of a couple lying on their bed with their backs turned to each other.
The woman thinks to herself, ‘I bet he’s thinking about other girls’. But then the man has something else entirely going on in his head. Whether it’s a TV show he’s watching, a new workout he’s trying out, or a random existential reflection (what people call ‘shower thoughts’).
Some of those ruminations may involve sex, although rarely, and especially not when we’re outside. There is nothing more embarrassing than a public erection.
However, this does not mean men do not contemplate the bigger things in life. It’s just that we might spend less time doing so.
Men still struggle with depressive thoughts, financial worries and work stress—we may just prefer to keep those to ourselves.
We Might Enjoy a Little Violence
Not domestic violence, of course.
But the rough and tumble activities that really get your adrenaline pumping. Activities that can oftentimes bring out our inner caveman.
This is probably why some women may often get annoyed at our obsession with hard-impact sports.
Not to bring up the testosterone excuse again, but yes, this hormone is usually to blame for 99% of how a man acts, reacts and thinks.
Studies show that testosterone dampens the impulse control centres of the male brain. Often resulting in aggressive behaviour.
Your partner’s football obsession may be a bit annoying (with all the screaming) but just be thankful he has an outlet.
Mind you, not all men turn to sports to satisfy their aggression needs. Playing video games or going to the gym are just some examples.
Unlocking the Secrets of the Male Brain
These quirks don’t apply to every single man out there, of course. There will be dozens of subtleties and differences.
For instance, there are plenty of men who are able to hold down a conversation with their female partners and even accurately predict a woman’s wants and needs without being told. As if they were on the same psychic wavelength.
But just because your hubby isn’t a telepath or that he doesn’t always pay attention to you, doesn’t mean you’re not meant for each other.
It just means that there is still plenty of room and opportunity for you to get to know exactly what goes on inside your man’s head. And plenty more mysteries to unlock.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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