As Father’s Day is fast approaching, Motherhood will be running a series of articles to celebrate Malaysian dads who are the pillars of their home.
Dad is the other half of the equation that helps shape the future of his children and the destiny of his family.
Parenting is after all, a two-party responsibility of an ever-changing challenge and needless to say, the prospect of fatherhood can be daunting for those just stepping into the shoes of this lifetime role.
Fortunately for newbies out there looking for a reference manual for the weighty task ahead, we have advice, tips and words of wisdom from three generations of dads to share their points of view.
1) Young Dad On Practical Solutions When Getting Hands-On With Baby
First one up is Hamzah Nazari. Motherhood covered his story for Valentine’s Day in 2020 when he was newly-wed, married to Valerie Arnesto, just the year before and expecting their first child.
If we can recall his words, this 30-something dad said he was in happy disbelief over the pregnancy because he was worried about whether he could even have children as he used to be a sickly child.
Fast forward to today and he is the proud, expectant father of a second child, due sometime in mid-December of 2021. His first child, Gabriel “Gabby” Sazali Arnesto, was born in August 2020.
With almost a year of fatherhood under his belt and a few daddy chops in hands-on childcare, Hamzah has three tips for new dads. In his own words, he says:
1. Take Turns
The first tip is to take turns. What I mean by that is that the father should rest when the mother is taking care of the baby, and when the father is taking care of the baby, the mother should rest.
Most importantly, when the baby is sleeping, both parents should sleep. Don’t try to take the opportunity to play videogames or watch TV when the baby is sleeping.
Don’t be like me and try to be involved in everything when it’s not your turn either. This is because when it is your turn, or when the baby wakes, up, you’ll be too tired.
I tried to do everything when my baby was born and after four days of sleeping about an hour or two a night, I was an utter mess and completely burned out.
2. Listen To Your Mother’s Words
The second tip is something my mother taught me: “No matter how smart you think your newborn baby is, your baby is a poop machine.”
Babies have no plan, no intention and no thought. They aren’t scheming or planning or thinking about anything. They’re innocent little blank slates.
All they do is eat, sleep and poop. If they’re crying, they’re hungry, dirty or are too uncomfortable to sleep, go through the checklist.
3. Take This Opportunity To Be A Dad
The third thing is to actually take this opportunity to be a dad and watch your baby grow from this little poop factory, to a smiling and laughing little poop factory that runs around spreading poop.
Time will fly and every day will bring a new thing. Enjoy it.
OH! And bonus tips!
4. Bonus Tip ─ Get All Things Ready Before Changing A Diaper
Get everything ready before you change a diaper. Wet wipes out of the packet and lined up in a row. One for pee, three for poop.
Place a packet nearby just in case you need more. Make sure the new diaper is unfolded, checked and ready.
Your baby gets colder when you take off the diaper so it’ll pee within seconds.
If you’re not fast enough and you have a baby boy, that pee goes EVERYWHERE including on you, the baby, the floor, the changing station, the bed, the ceiling, the next room, neighbour’s house. Everywhere.
And also, you WILL smell and touch poop.
You will get pooped, peed, and vomited on. There’s no way around it. It happens.
Be mentally and emotionally prepared, and have wet wipes in stock and nearby at all times. It’s just how it is. You will touch poop. Don’t be a pansy.
2) Dad Of 2 Decades Shares Philosophical View Of Fatherhood
Second on the list of experienced dads is “music-man” Marcus Tan ─ a professional musician who runs MDT Music Enterprise that manages bands to provide live music entertainment for weddings, launches, corporate events and live shows.
In the past two decades, they have performed with the likes of Sheila Majid, Ning Baizura, Adibah Noor, Jaclyn Victor, Elvira Arul, Vince Chong, Joanne Yeow, Dasha Logan, Kiki Cheong and Maria Cordero.
These days, however, Marcus’ concentration is more on studio work for online dedications (composing originals for individuals to dedicate to loved ones) and music compositions for music videos, jingles as well as music education.
Married to Debra Elaine Sta Maria for 24 years, Marcus has two grown children ─ Leanndra (21) and Ryan Tan (19). As a father for over two decades, here are a few of his take-away points:
1. Share Out Family Responsibilities Equally
Share out the responsibilities as parents or as a family, to nurture and care for the children, which includes nappy change, bathing, feeding and most importantly, spending quality time with them.
2. Be Your Children’s Mentor
Be a Mentor not just a teacher. For children to grow up to be responsible adults and citizens, we as parents have to be their mentors of life. Don’t just do everything for them.
Teach them how to achieve their aspirations rather than doing it for them. Empower them.
By empowering our children, they learn how to stand on their own two feet, develop self-esteem and be able to take care of themselves.
3. Be Respectful And Show Appreciation
Never take things for granted. Be thankful for what we have rather than complain about what we don’t.
We tend to take many things for granted, those who are close to us, like our parents, grandparents and even the nanny or “kakak”.
For me, waking up everyday is a blessing. The first thing to do is to appreciate another day and the people who have contributed to us being in this world.
4. Be Level-Headed
The best decisions in life can only be derived by being calm and sensible. This applies to all, whether young or old.
Too many people are using emotions to make important decisions and this, in many situations, have resulted in negative outcomes.
3) Granddad Who Has Come Full Circle Shares Timeless Wisdom
Our third father, Dato’ Paduka Dzulfadly Bin Abdullah, now 57, has two daughters, one son and two grandchildren to earn his badge as the most experienced father in this story.
Reminiscing on his long career which began as an immigration officer, Dato’ Paduka Dzulfadly later furthered his studies in Business Administration and joined Corporate MNC Japanese companies where he was promoted, through achievements, to become their general manager.
During his tenure, he received multiple honours and awards from the state and federal governments.
Today, he is the founder of a locomotive manufacturing factory where he remains active in providing railway engineering services.
Back in the early days, the family was middle class, he says. He was married at age 24 to Datin Paduka Rozie Talib and they were blessed with Emilda Natasya, Elda Eliany and Danish Adam.
For about 11 years during his early days in the government, he spent a lot of time with his young children. He took care of them personally, fed them, showered them and always made sure they ate together as a family.
At the same time, he disciplined them with love and guided them through good and bad times throughout their growing years. Here, in his own words, he imparts his personal advice to young dads:
1. Teach Your Children To Respect Their Elders And Always be Humble
These two qualities will help your children earn the trust and respect of others and build strong relationships that will lead to success in life.
2. Be Your Children’s Role Model
Children will always copy what you say and do. My children always see me as a role model for them to excel in their career and in life. All my three children graduated from universities. Now, blessed with two grandchildren, I shower them with love and care too.
3. Parenting Is A Blessing From God
Treasure this opportunity to build a new family line. Love and care are the basic foundations.
4. Be A Good Listener
To be a good father, you need to be a good listener. If your child shares a problem, don’t try to fix it but listen while they talk and give some advice.
5. Ensure Your Bond Remains Strong Even After Your Children Marry
Spend time with your children even when they have become independent adults or are already married. The bond should always remain no matter how old they grow. Always be there when your children need help. Always make them your priority.
6. Build Upon The Father-Child Relationship
Father-child relationships are as important as grandparents-grandchildren relationships. Play is the language of childhood, it’s through play that I build my relationship with my children and grandchildren.
In the end, there isn’t a recipe for what makes a good father but always try to be the best that you can be for your family.
For more insights into Dad’s thoughts and feelings on Father’s Day, tune in to Motherhood Story.