Discipline: How to Say ‘No’ to Your Children - May 2024

Family discipline is a central part of family life where it focuses on teaching children how to behave and about how their behaviours will bring about various consequences. Distinct types of family discipline will yield different kinds of relationships between parents and children.

Disciplining children must start from the earliest stages of a child’s development in order to help them comprehend what is right or wrong. This should be followed by the accepted values and normal behaviours within the family as well as mainstream society. Yet, there will be many obstacles in the process of family discipline, since setting limits can elicit unexpected reactions from children.

In some cases, parents are prone to developing wrong techniques in disciplining their kids. They could restrict kids by frequently saying “no” or saying “no” in inappropriate situations or, they may set no limits at all.

Saying ‘No’ Too Many Times

According to a study by the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), it was found that the average one-year-old child hears the word “no” more than 400 times a day. To some degree, parents who set frequent limits are suggested to reduce saying “no” to their children. It is believed that people who hear “no” too many times start to produce emotional reaction rather than practical or disciplined reaction.

Not Saying ‘No’ At All

On the other hand, what about parents who are reluctant to set limits due to feeling guilty about disappointing their children? Such parents need to learn more about the concept of positive discipline which involves a combination of warmth and limits. Positive discipline normally helps children understand why some behaviours are acceptable and some are unacceptable. Afterwards, parents can proceed by identifying effective ways to say “no” in proper circumstances. Here are some alternatives where parents can say “no”.

There are better ways to deny, deter, or discipline your child than always saying “no.” Aside from the obvious exhaustionfor both parent and child—some some parenting experts believe that saying “no” too much can breed resentment or plant seeds for future rebellion.

1. Set new limits

To some extent, parents will not give up on taking responsibility for raising their children. Parents could script new limits with their authoritative presence by picking just one limit to start with. For instance, maybe your her smartphone overnight everyday and you might begin by letting her know that from now on, she can only use her smartphone for a few hours daily. Furthermore, when parents set reasonable limits to guide their children’s behaviour, the effects are likely to be positive.

2. Saying ‘No’ When In A Hazardous Situation

When it comes to children’s actions that are against publicly-accepted values or those that might elicit harmful results, parents need to prevent them by saying “no” followed by proper guidance and explanation. Indeed, children will be led to think ahead about the consequences of their behaviour.For example, when your son wants to play with a sharp object, it’s time for you so say “no”, and then substitute it with a safer object instead.

3. Not Limiting Kids In A Need

As children growing up, they will have a list of wants that they will beg their parents to have. In this case, parents need to say “no” when the desire is unnecessary, instead of letting them have it. However, parents must not say “no” to the children’s primary needs. This parenting action will definitely help children develop an understanding within themselves that when they like something, they will not always get it.

Tips to handle defiance from your child: 1) Hold your child accountable. 2) Choose your battles. 3) Act, don’t react. 4) Enforce age-appropriate consequences. 5) Keep your power. 6) No second chances or bargaining. 7) Always build on the positive. 8) Set regular times to talk to your child.

4. Saying ‘No’ Consistently With The Consequences

Parents need to persist in saying “no” to their kids by explaining the consequences consistently. This form of teaching will help children to strengthen their behaviours by discouraging inappropriate deeds. Consistency is very important in teaching children how to behave appropriately.

At the end of the day, parents’ responsibility is to set limits, but not to control all of their children’s deeds. A number of researches have shown that the right parenting style is most essential for children’s proper upbringing. When the kids have grown up, it will be one of their basic understandings when they live on their own, because they will have been embedded with the right values and normal behaviours since their early age. Hence, do not hesitate to say “no” when it is necessary to redirect them.