Have you ever thought about how do we feel loved in a relationship?
Or how do we make our partner feel appreciated? For many of us, we just tend to express our love through what we want to be done to us.
Then you will notice that your effort does not seem to excite your partner.
We see scenarios such as men constantly preparing surprise parties and events for their partners, yet they still suffer from break-ups.
Why? Maybe what their partners truly need is a 10-minute daily talk or constant help-out in daily chores.
In order to avoid such pain in love, we need to discover and understand the love languages of our partners. So, what are love languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of the best-selling books, ‘The 5 Love Languages’, says that love languages are the primary way to express and interpret love.
Therefore, when we know each other’s love language, we can then offer the right effort and service to make our partner feel loved.
If you are doubtful about how important and powerful it is to discover both you and your partner’s primary love language, here are my personal encounter with the love languages.
It has totally transformed my relationship with my partner since then.
My Personal Experience With The Love Languages Quiz
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When I was in a 8-year relationship with my partner, I came across the love language quiz.
We decided to try it as we wished to enhance and sustain our relationship.
We did the love language quiz separately. Then we discussed what we discovered in the quiz on what would make us feel most loved.
It was shocking for both of us to discover the needs of each other in our relationship.
I have never realised how important my undivided attention is to my partner until the result of the quiz reveal that quality time is his primary love language.
No wonder he sounded unhappy when anything disrupted our conversations!
On his side, he realised that he will have to speak more to me rather than any surprises or gifts, since my primary love language is act of service.
This quiz really made both of us think on how we should give priority to each other’s primary needs to maintain our ongoing relationship.
So, if you are struggling with your partner in the relationship right now, try this love languages quiz with your partner.
Discover your primary love language and also secondary love language if you have any. Take the quiz separately and discuss what you have found with your partner.
You will then learn what your partner need the most in the relationships.
What to do after you have figured about each other’s primary love language? Read more to find out what you can offer to make your partner feel loved and appreciated based on each love language.
The 5 Primary Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Love Language 1: Words Of Affirmation
If your partner’s primary love language is the word of affirmation, what he or she needs the most from you is your words of appreciation and recognition.
Fill him or her with sincere words of encouragement, love and affirmation and you can reach deep into his or her heart.
By telling them how much you love them and appreciate their efforts, you will make them feel loved.
You can also compliment their appearance by using affirmative terms such as ‘lovely’, ‘beautiful’ and many more.
On the flip side, you should never blurt out any insults or negative remarks, as this will leave your partner’s heart shattered because those words will not be easily forgotten by him or her.
Love Language 2: Physical Touch
The physical touch of the love language is not all about sex. Appropriate touch is what it needs.
Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, loving touches on the arm, shoulder and even on the face, will make them feel loved.
In fact, most of us will feel loved and cared for when we are hugged and cared physically.
So, express your love and excitement with appropriate touches from time to time. Even the high-five would be loving for these touchy partners.
What if you are not a physically-affectionate companion to these touchy individuals?
Your partners will struggle to remain happy in the relationship as they feel neglected and disrespected by you.
Here you can learn more about golden tips for a happy and successful marriage.
Love Language 3: Receiving Gifts
Do not have a wrong impression on individuals with receiving gifts as their primary love language.
They are not materialistic; they simply feel loved by thoughtfulness and effort spent in preparing the gift.
They believe that this is how their lover will show care and love towards them.
Regardless of the size and the price of the gift, the action of getting them gifts shows that they are prioritised, especially on important days such as birthdays and anniversaries.
Surprise them with their favourite flowers and snacks unexpectedly during ordinary days will make them feel more loved and appreciated.
If your partner speaks the language of receiving gifts, make sure you jot down the important dates and set reminders for these dates.
Prepare thoughtful gifts in advance as a missed birthday and anniversary with hurried gifts will devastate your relationship.
Love Language 4: Quality Time
Your partner needs your undivided attention if his or her primary love language is quality time.
You should not count watching TV time as the quality time you spend with your partner. What he or she needs is a focused and intentional time to be fully present for connection.
But, how can you make sure that you are devoted to giving your partner your full attention?
First, block a specific time and find a space where both of you can really connect without any distractions.
Then, look at each other and listen to each other attentively throughout the process. Make a conscious effort to put down all your chores and task so that they feel appreciated and prioritized.
Avoid distractions and postponement of dates as this is particularly hurtful to those who speak the language of quality time.
Love Language 5: Acts of Service
Does doing chores show your love? You bet!
Individuals with acts of service as their primary language (including me) would feel most loved if their partner offers help to ease their responsibilities.
Actions such as cleaning and even running errands would have meant so much to us. We love partners who say, ‘Let me do it for you’.
On the other hand, we feel disrespected and neglected when faced with laziness, unrealized commitments and additional responsibilities from our partners.
Use Love Languages To Support Your Partner Now
On this upcoming Valentine’s Day, why not make some time to take the love languages quiz with your partner.
You can make a tremendous change in your relationship when you understand the love language of your partner and speak the right love language with your partner.