Every morning, I hear it through the walls. The boys next door yelling, “Aunty Susannnnn!” like clockwork.
At first, I thought, “Wah, their aunty is so helpful, must be living with them.”
Then I found out – Aunty Susan isn’t their aunty.
She’s the family’s domestic helper.
And the way those kids call her, run to her, cling to her, you’d think she was their mum.
And honestly? That’s not rare. It’s the norm in a lot of Malaysian homes.
Many of us either grew up with or knew someone who had a kakak/bibik at home.
She cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, and probably also helped chase the kids around or pick them up from school.
Some helpers stayed for years and became part of the family.
Some even knew more about the kids than the parents did.
In today’s world, with both parents working, juggling ten million things, and the never-ending school WhatsApp group notifications, having a helper is a massive blessing.
But here’s the thing mummies and daddies – not everything should fall on her shoulders.
Especially not the parenting stuff.
At first, it’s small. “Kakak, can feed baby while I mandi.” Then next week it’s, “Kakak, you put them to sleep, ya?”
Before long, it’s:
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Child cries? Look for kakak.
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Someone needs to scold? “Kakak, you handle.”
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Kid gets praise? “Wah, Kakak so good with them lah.”
Bit by bit, parenting gets outsourced. And not even on purpose because sometimes life gets busy.
But just because kakak is helpful doesn’t mean she should have to step into the role of a parent.
Helpers Are Not Backup Mums
We love our helpers.
Some have been with us through thick and thin, and they truly care for our kids.
But they didn’t sign up to be full-time mums. They need rest. They deserve boundaries.
A few things to think about:
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Discipline: Should come from mum or dad. Don’t ask kakak to scold your child.
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Bonding time: You know bedtime? Story time? That’s yours. Keep it.
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Respect: Give her space to rest. Don’t treat her like she’s “on” 24/7.
Having a helper is support, not substitution.
What Are We Teaching Our Kids?
Kids copy everything. And I mean everything.
If they see us snapping at kakak, they’ll think it’s okay.
If they see us treat her like family (with respect, not just words), that’s what they’ll learn too.
Be mindful of the little things:
How we treat our helpers becomes part of how our kids treat others.
Let’s Not Pretend It’s Easy
Sometimes, when you’re drowning in work, one kid screaming, one diaper exploding, and the soup boiling over – of course you lean on whoever’s nearby.
But maybe all we need is to pause once in a while and ask:
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Is this fair to the helper and the kids?
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Am I present with my kids, or just delegating everything?
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Do my kids know I’m the parent?
No one’s saying don’t get help. In fact, thank goodness for helpers.
But we owe it to them and to ourselves to draw lines when it comes to caring for our kids.
And last but not least if you’re hearing “Aunty Susannnnn!” in your own home every morning maybe it’s time for a little family check-in.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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