Men are naturally expected to be the masculine, dominant presence in a family. Fathers are the yang to a mother’s yin. But as we all know, limiting either gender to their respective conventional traits is a thing of the past. Many girls like wearing blue, just like how many boys like wearing pink. But colour preference is just the tip of the iceberg of feminism is truly all about. Body autonomy, equal rights, freedom of expression, female empowerment—these aspects are just some of the things that define feminism.
Society in general would stand to benefit from a feminist society where both sexes enjoy equal freedoms and where feminine qualities are celebrated in both women and men. Where it’s okay for women to be assertive, strong, and take on positions of authority. Where it’s okay for men to be vulnerable, compassionate and take on caretaker roles. And where it’s also okay for either gender to embrace their traditional roles whilst being okay with everyone else breaking them.
Feminism, Gender and Society
Society in general can be very sexist. Men are expected to be strong all the time and women are expected to ‘sit still and look pretty’. One would think that these norms benefit one gender over the other, but that’s not always the case. Stay-at-home dads, single dads, and yes, even gay men and gay fathers, suffer the same discriminations that exist in a sexist society that women face. A gender-equal society allows men to express their emotions, be less competitive, and even achieve better mental and physical health. Feminism stands for equality for all genders.
More women in leadership roles also means less pressure on men to achieve impossible societal expectations of what male success means: the fancy job, the big car, the huge salary. When there are plenty of men who prefer leading slow, quiet lives. And plenty of strong, ambitious who are more than willing to pursue challenging careers. Therefore, a feminist man would actually stand to benefit his own gender as much as he would the opposite. But being a feminist father means you may actually be making much bigger waves than you may think.
How Feminist Fathers Shape Powerful Women
They Let Their Daughters Have Autonomy
And this isn’t only limited to how they dress. Which in Malaysia, may be the bare minimum for what constitutes as a ‘feminist dad’. But even if you’re a dad who doesn’t automatically call himself a feminist, there may be simple everyday things you’re doing that can be considered as female empowerment. Teaching your daughter how to screw on a light bulb, or change the tires, assemble furniture or even how to drive, all pave the way for the emergence of a strong, independent woman. A full-on girlboss. But being able to do ‘manly’ things isn’t just what being a feminist is about, whether you’re a man or woman. It’s about not succumbing to what society views as traditionally feminine, or traditionally masculine.
Many fathers these days are more than happy, or at the very least, indifferent about their daughter’s wardrobe. So, having a feminist dad may mean that you get a lot more respect as a girl. But being a feminist dad also means that you’re also much kinder to your sons. While many Malaysian fathers may not like it if their sons put on makeup, they may be okay with their boys wearing pink, having a skincare routine and even, on occasion, wear nail polish, even if they’re straight. Toxic masculinity is the reason why many men stay away from traditionally feminine things even though they may enjoy it. But a feminist dad frown upon being overly aggressive or competitive for no reason regardless if you’re a boy or girl. If you’re a parent, you should definitely not propagate the unhealthy stereotypes normally associated with being male.
They Enforce Equal Rights at Home
This includes chores, punishment, rewards and yes, even things like parental love and affection. A feminist father will treat both his sons and daughters with the same respect and expectations. They also don’t assign gender-specific tasks to them. Boys will help out in the kitchen and girls will help wash the car. And vice versa on alternating days or weeks. That is how a feminist dad makes his mark. There is no favouritism in the household, at least not when it comes to gender. However, how they treat their kids is only half the equation. While not all dads are purely feminist, even if they show feministic traits, a truly feminist dad will also practice feminism in his marriage. This includes doing the chores, washing the dishes, watering the garden. Doing all the traditional ‘feminine things’ that society thinks must only be done by women.
Moreover, they are also not afraid to be vulnerable around you and their loved ones. To cry during a sad scene in a movie, or admit that work is stressing them out, or apologise when they’ve made a mistake or participate in public displays of affection with their kids. As the popular saying goes, your child will sooner follow in your example, than they will your advice. So, a feminist dad practices feminism more through his actions than through his words. Although being tactful with one’s words can also be important. Using words like “boys don’t cry” or “man-up” with your son are as a sabotaging to the laws of feminism as telling your daughter that “girls only wear skirts” and “shouldn’t play football”.
They Support Your Dreams and Decisions
Sometimes the easiest way a dad can be a huge feminist influence in her life, other than her mother, is by supporting her goals and ambitions. Your daughter may want to play sports, or apply for a degree in engineering, for instance. These are all typically masculine pursuits or rather male-dominated fields which used to have less female participation. They will also fight tooth and nail to help you enter a field that you may be welcome in purely due to your biological sex. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what gender you are, but your skills, talents and experience that determine whether you are suitable for a profession.
Being a feminist also means that you support who they want to marry, and also be equally okay if they want to remain single and childless. This of course doesn’t mean you leave your daughter completely to her own devices. It’s sometimes a parent’s job to intervene when your kids are into some bad stuff, like crime or substance abuse. But hopefully, if you’ve raised your daughter to be self-empowered, she will know to cut herself off from toxic people and situations.
Fathering the Next Generation of Girlbosses
A feminist dad is a daughter’s greatest advocate. Not only in her education and career, but also in her personal life. Being raised by a feminist dad can set you up for a successful life of empowerment, confidence and emotional security. That said, some of the qualities of a feminist dad may be familiar to you. And you may not think that they are typically feministic traits. But you’d be surprised at the kind of affect you’re having, just by letting your daughter have better control over her own life.
This perhaps may be a connection many people miss. The fact that being a good dad and a feminist dad are not mutually exclusive, but could even be correlational. You could actually already have a full-grown daughter with a successful and happy life. So, who knows? You may actually already be a feminist dad and not even know it. Thus, keep doing what you’re doing, we need more feminist dads in the world.
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