We’ve spent the entire month of Ramadan fasting to honour the less fortunate and paid alms to help the poor. All these rituals willingly observed to instil humility, empathy and gratitude in our hearts. And now comes Shawwal, another tradition so synonymous with Raya (Eid) signifies the final step in self-purification process: forgiveness.
Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are the two most important lessons you can teach your young one in the month of Shawwal. Here are some things you may not know about the tradition and some ways you can instil a forgiving attitude in your children.
The Tradition of Forgiveness
Every year during Shawwal, on the morning of Eid, relatives would visit each other, celebrate and feast. And afterwards they would gather and ask for each other’s forgiveness. The traditional wish is “maaf zahir dan batin”, which when loosely translated means “forgive me for all my wrongdoings, both seen and unseen”. This reciprocal act of reconciliation is performed even when no apparent animosity has occurred between the two parties. After the forgiveness is over and done, merriments may continue, usually at another venue. But you may be wondering, where did this forgiving tradition come from?
As surprising as this sounds, the tradition of forgiveness during Hari Raya is only practiced by Malaysian and Indonesian Muslims. It was first envisioned by Indonesia’s Sunan Bonang who called for Muslims to perfect their Ramadan observance by forgiving and asking for forgiveness. Similar to the ongoing theme of Ramadan being a ‘spiritual cleansing’ of your body (fasting) and your wealth (zakat), forgiveness can also be seen as a cleansing of the soul.
Benefits of Forgiveness
Forgiving and asking for forgiveness bestows a wealth of benefits to your mind and body. So perhaps there is some truth to the ideas that forgiveness is a form of ‘spiritual cleansing’. According to some studies, forgiveness has been shown to improve anxiety, depression, and stress. Forgiveness can also promote better sleep, self-esteem and even lower your blood pressure. So, Sunan Bonang definitely had the right idea when he advised his fellow Muslim brothers and sisters to observe forgiving during Eid.
Aside from the physical benefits, asking for forgiveness also humbles the ego. You become kinder, have more empathy and are generally more understanding of others’ hardships. Most of us are often so angry at people, even random strangers on the street who may have inconvenienced us in some way. We may fight with our partners over petty reasons or scold our children for honest mistakes.
Forgiving also has its upsides, even if the person who hurt us don’t deserve our amnesty. Forgiving those who have wronged us is a way for us to acknowledge the pain and struggles of another human being. At the same time liberating ourselves from the cycle of resentment and vindictiveness. As the Buddha once said: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Teach Your Kids About Forgiveness This Eid
Maintaining Relationships is Important
One of the most practical reasons for practicing regular forgiveness is to preserve our relationships with our family and friends. Your child should understand that sometimes we may accidentally hurt someone else’s feelings even without meaning to. The annual Eid practice of forgiving and asking for forgiveness is a chance to right the wrongs of the past and move on to a brighter future.
The regular act of apologising also makes it easier to acknowledge your own mistakes. Recognising one’s own shortcomings means that you are always on the path of self-betterment. And we are always hoping that our children will grow up to be better, happier people.
It’s Not About Reward
It’s a relatively old tradition that the older generation would gift the younger ones ‘duit raya‘ when they observe this forgiveness tradition. Young kids who want a few extra ringgits in their wallets would go around asking for forgiveness from their elders. While this is completely okay, it may result in some kids misinterpreting the situation.
The end goal of forgiving and asking for forgiveness is centred around humility, reconciliation and respect. It is not a capitalistic venture. So, make sure your kids are sincere when they go around asking for forgiveness. Money is definitely a nice thing to have, but relationships are a less expendable.
Forgiveness Gives You Peace of Mind
Sometimes you may have consciously hurt someone else’s feelings and realised you’re doing it. This can give us many sleepless nights, especially if the one we unintentionally hurt is a close loved one. Most of us may be too proud to apologise for our mistakes. But apologising often for any unintentional mistakes you may have made makes it easier to keep doing it.
This of course does not mean taking the fall for others’ failures or being a push-over. It means setting aside your ego because the love you have for the other person is more important than your pride. Apologising when you’ve hurt someone will mend relationships far quicker than pretending it never happened. Teaching a child the value of making amends will allow them to grow up being thoughtful and considerate human beings.
Forgiving and Forgetting for a Blessed Eid
Even though apologising and forgiving isn’t a mandatory part of Ramadan and Shawwal, it is still part of our Malaysian culture. Despite how difficult it is to apologise to another person, and forgiving another’s wrongdoings, the tradition has survived for decades.
So perhaps Malaysian Muslims have always embraced the cleansing properties of forgiveness. How all of our past sins are pardoned in a single day from a mutual act of amnesty. It can be a liberating experience, especially for a child. So, teach them how emotionally rewarding forgiveness is by practicing it yourself. Not only during Shawwal but in your day-to-day life too.
Let’s bury the hatchet and start a new chapter this Shawwal. Contact those estranged relatives, reconcile with former friends and forgive the ones who may have wronged you in the past. Your child will learn a valuable lesson from your acts of forgiveness too.
Motherhood Story wishes all our Muslim readers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!
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