Parenthood is life-changing; in more ways than one.
Many marriages have been strained the moment a child comes. Planning to have a baby is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and discussion between partners.
Therefore, before you even think about starting a family, it’s important to ask the tough questions.
Several important topics should be addressed before starting a family. This is to ensure a smooth and well-prepared transition to parenthood.
These discussions can help you align your goals and expectations and set a strong foundation for your child’s upbringing.
11 Topics to Ask Before You Decide to Become Parents
Timing
Ask yourselves if now is the right time to have a child. Consider factors like your age, career goals, financial stability, and personal readiness. Note any timing considerations.
For example you may want to wait until you’ve achieved certain milestones like getting a house or a car or a pay raise.
Now sometimes this may be a moot point. Especially if it’s a surprise or unplanned pregnancy.
Relationship
How strong is your relationship with your spouse. Because love alone will probably not cut it. There has to be mutual respect, understanding, patience, compromise and cooperation.
A marriage is only as strong as the people in it. Using a child to ‘fix’ or hold a marriage together will often have the opposite effect. So assess the foundation of your relationship first.
It has to be ironclad before bringing a baby into the equation.
Family Size
Discuss how many children you want to have. This can often be a point of contention among many partners.
One spouse may just want one child, while the other wants a whole army of kids. Knowing if you want one child or multiple children can influence your family planning decisions.
This may also tie in with any permanent contraceptive options you may want to try.
Financial Planning
Children are expensive, and special needs kids even more. Be prepared for that possibility. It’s not enough to have a salary and some savings.
Assess your current financial situation and make plans for the future. You may even need to make certain lifestyle changes to accommodate the expenses of raising a child. Parenthood is nothing if not sacrifice.
Mental Health
We all bring baggage and trauma from our upbringings and our own childhoods. this may spill over into our parenting.
Perpetuating the cycle of resentment that many families struggle with until now.
Be sure to be self-aware of any of these issues before you start having kids. And get them checked before you commit yourself to parenthood.
Housing
In the same vein as finances and family size is housing. Evaluate your current living situation. Do you have enough space for a growing family? Will you need to move to a new home?
Decide if it’s better to rent or buy based on your financial abilities. But all in all, a good family home should be close to schools, hospitals or clinics, and other amenities such as grocery shops, stationery/art supply shops, and clothes shops.
Personal Goals
Discuss how your individual goals aligns will align with your parenthood.
This includes anything from careers to hobbies to even things like starting a business or other passion projects.
How will these goals change with parenthood and how you can you both support each other in achieving them. It’s important not to abandon the things you liked before you became parents.
Your creative identity is important and should be nurtured.
Childcare
Determine who will be responsible for childcare and how you plan to balance work and parenting.
With shifting parental roles, work wives and house husbands are slowly becoming the norm. Decide if you want to break tradition or preserve it. Parenthood isn’t a talent, it’s something you learn on the job.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. Discuss childcare options, including daycare, hiring a nanny, or relying on family support.
Don’t hesitate to take parenting classes too (before you even get pregnant).
Parenting Styles and Values
This is where many couples fail in their children’s upbringing. You may not know what your parenting style is yet, so it’s best to start doing some research.
Most couples tend to follow their own parents’ parenting style. Which may not always be the best. So talk with your spouse about parenting philosophies, discipline methods, and values you want to instill in your child.
This may even encompass things like education, wellness, and relationships. It’s important to be on the same page on this topic.
Work-Life Balance
Address how you will balance your careers and your personal livee.
Discuss parental leave, flexible work arrangements, and the impact on your careers.
But that’s not all, ask yourself how you will make time for each other. Away from career or parenting or even family and friends.
Remember that as these demands grow you will have less time for intimacy and romance. So make a promise to maintain your marriage and your spark. Even if it’s a weekly date night or romantic dinner.
Legal and Administrative Matters
This may not be an urgent matter but still something that you will have to discuss further down the line.
But the sooner you deal with the legal issues of being a parent the better. This can include things like wills, guardianship arrangements, and insurance policies are in place to protect your child’s future.
Remember we cannot predict the future, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Asking the Tough Questions
You may not align with your partner on many things on this list. Your husband may want to explore international schools while you’re okay with just public education.
You may want to start a trust fund but your wife may just want to start a savings account. It’s important to manage disagreements amicably, because there will be even more when you have a baby.
Having these discussions before having a baby can help you and your partner make informed decisions.
It’s essential to be open and honest with each other, seek support and information, and adapt your plans as your family grows and evolves. With any luck you’ll be on your way to becoming great parents to your future kids.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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