The preadolescent, preteenager or tween years from 9 to 11-years-old is an important period where behaviours, habits and tendencies are shaped.
As they approach puberty, tweens not only undergo physical changes, but also experience significant mental and emotional changes. This is the period where children are on the path to self-discovery, independence, and development of moral values.
Paying attention to these formative years and guiding children through their tweens can have a great influence on their adolescent years and beyond, helping them become better human beings.
Life Skills that Matter
The tween years are the best time to teach children life skills that will help them to take on challenges, make the most out of life and succeed. It goes beyond teaching them how to read, write, and count.
So, what are life skills?
Life skills cover knowledge, skills, values and attitudes which are necessary in the process of individual development and lifelong learning.
According to WHO, life skills are “a group of psychosocial competencies and interpersonal skills that help people make informed decisions, solve problems, think critically and creatively, communicate effectively, build healthy relationships, empathise with others, and cope with and manage their lives in a healthy and productive manner.”
Confident, Independent, Self-Sufficient
Siti Syameen Khalili, a freelance translator and mother of two children, views the tween years as a window of opportunity to shape children to become the best possible human beings.
While most people associate teaching and learning life skills with a formal setting, she believes it starts at home with parents guiding their children’s habits, behaviours, attitudes, and help develop talents and physical abilities.
A child eventually becomes a part of society, so life skills are important as one needs to know how to carry himself out there and contribute towards the betterment of society.
The aim is to make them confident to face the world, to become independent and self-sufficient.
She says with her son, Shah Adif Shahrul Azri, 11, it begun by modelling wonder and curiosity and enthusiasm for learning at the age of 7.
“I rely a lot on my son himself as to what he’s interested in. The moment he shows interest in a subject matter, I’ll slide in some ideas. For example, he likes camping with his dad, so I taught him how to manage a camp site, like keeping nature as it is and garbage handling and recycling.”
Syameen views communication skills and emergency preparedness as very useful skills for tweens. She says it will not only help them cope with a situation but also show empathy when the need arises to help others.
“I showed my son how to respond and communicate with the right people in an emergency situation when he started school. Since he had to be on his own at school, my husband, Shahrul, and I taught him to use the public phone to contact us and cases in which he should call emergency services.
“Since he showed interest in first aid techniques, we also showed him how to administer CPR and use a fire extinguisher, among others. Such knowledge is valuable throughout his life and can be pursued further in a formal setting.”
And the boy can cook and do laundry too, says Syameen, which he picked up at the age of 9. Sushi and jelly are his favourite food to prepare. Although, he doesn’t spend as much time in the kitchen these days, she says, Adif has learnt how to organise his clothes and keep the kitchen clean.
More importantly, Syameen stresses that she doesn’t expect perfection from her son.
“I just want him to try and do his best.”
Should life skills be gender specific?
“I think it should depend on the need and interest not gender or age. Teaching life skills really depends on how mature a child is, and each child is different. But I do believe as soon as a child is able to grasp concepts, the practice should start then.”
For now her daughter, Ava Fitri Shahrul Azri, who will soon turn 4, is caught up in her world of unicorns, princesses, dresses and makeup and Syameen is happy with that.
Empowering Better Minds
Dr Kalaivani Chellappan says tweens need to be taught foundational life skills essential for transitioning to productive teenagers and help realise their true potential in later years.
The senior lecturer at the Faculty of Engineering & Built Environment at the National University of Malaysia, says she focused on introducing her son to interpersonal, technology, financial and time management and planning skills, along online safety and privacy rules.
She believes teaching life skills to children is a shared responsibility of both parents and schools. It can take place in a formal or informal setting.
“There are skills to be taught by schools, by parents and some by both to be effective. For example, technology based skills can be taught at school, while time management needs to be done by both.
“Teaching interpersonal skills like communication, patience, empathy and responsibility should start at home with family and parents.”
Her son, Pharasuraama Perumal (Raam), who will turn 13 in August, she says, was taught interpersonal skills from a very young age. He has accepted it very well and adopted it.
Today, it shows in his mannerism, in the way he communicates and collaborates with people, being considerate and thoughtful.
“The very first skill was to respect others, addressing everyone with respect, second was to take instruction and obey the instruction, and followed by sharing, empathy, love for animals and table manners, among others.”
It’s imperative, adds Kalaivani, for parents to be role models so that the child adopts the right behaviour and attitude.
“My husband and I set good examples when dealing with others, so that he follows. We also highlight such scenarios when watching movies or when someone else practices it in the neighbourhood.”
Teaching her son basic savings and investment options, says Kalaivani, has also been beneficial. She believes it has triggered interest in entrepreneurship.
“I guided him to save his school pocket money and start small investments. He then got the maid to help prepare food which he sold to his friends and started making some money.”
While technology skills are essential, Kalaivani highlights the need to teach children about safety and privacy online. That was the emphasis, she says, when introducing Raam to the Internet.
“Initially, he was given access to the Internet with parental control. He understands that every change and updates need our authorisation.
“Later, we released the parental control and limited him with only updating and downloading free applications. If he needs to purchase online, we get him the Google Play gift card which has limits.
“In terms of privacy, he is very clear that he should not share or let any friends or strangers access his gadgets for any reason.
“Since Raam is an active online gamer, we have briefed and trained him on the safety, security and privacy measures. He is also made aware of the danger and scams online.”
Kalaivani says these life skills training at an early age have helped her son, who will soon become a teenager, develop self-confidence, the ability to voice out his thoughts and understand responsibilities.