Parenting style. There are much can be said about the many different types of parenting styles. Parents adapt and the respective consequences on a child’s upbringing. It all boils down to the approach taken by parents on how they choose to raise their kid- namely the soft approach, the moderate approach, the slightly strict or the tough hardcore approach.
While some may wonder why will anyone want to adopt any strict approach in parenting their kids, a handful may beg to differ. Ever wonder the objective of every parent of adapting to a certain parenting style? What do parents aim to achieve in choosing which parenting style to parents their kids?
People tend to think that strict parenting and harsh discipline lead to more well-behaved kids. Well, that’s when we all are wrong. Kids from strict parenting environment tend to do certain things behind their parents back. Seen from an external behavioural point of view, they may be right.
Kids with very strict parents may seem polite, obedient, easy to manage and ever so compliant. They do as they are told and rarely disobey! Out of all the aforementioned ‘qualities’, obedience is what most parents prize above all else. Why? Because it makes their own lives much easier – it’s as simple as that!
Strict Parenting — Is It Good For Kids?
Affected Kids Psychological
Nothing would make a parent happier than to have a kid who will never say ‘No’ or ‘Why must I?’ or ‘Do I have to?’. What exactly are the consequences for the future of kids? Whose virtues lie heavily on doing as they were told and never, ever, question anything in their lives? Can’t be too good for them, can it? If we look beyond external behaviour and adjust our spotlight to what’s going on inside of these kids. We will see that tough or overly strict parenting styles may have severe existential and psychological consequences.
Kids who been brought up this way are found to be lacking in self-esteem. What’s worse, their aim in life is simply to please others without giving much thought to what they want or need for themselves! In this aspect, the short term behavioural gain of obedience is heavily outweighed by the long-term psychological damage.
Adult-Centred And Conditional
Strict parenting does not focus much on meeting a child’s existential and emotional needs. Within this highly conservative, rule-orientated parenting style, freedom of thought is not encouraged. Neither is creative experimentation and independent choice-making. Strict parents are more concerned about their child living up to their standards, norm-abiding ideas, consensus values and expectations.
The behavioural demands on the child are very high, and the means of controlling children is by force. It would leave little room for affection- if there were even any. It is an alarming paradox when a child is expected to behave in a ‘mature’ and ‘civilised’ manner while being treated like an inferior.
In strict parenting styles, harsh punishments are often meted out to keep a child from being disobedient, rebellious, questioning or breaking the rules. Children brought up this way are usually well-behaved out of fear. It is not they feel like behaving in that way or that they truly comprehend the meaning or virtues of a positive attitude.
In time, the lessons a child learn are:
- Love and acceptance is dependent on good behaviour
- If they behave, they will not be punished
Being overly strict is also risky, for it may undermine a child’s efforts to act decisively or imaginatively. They will be more concerned with parental approval and pleasing their parents. You could end up with an anxious, indecisive kid. Another scenario is that a kid retires to the fact that he or she will never hit the bar that is set so high, that they don’t even try.
Signs You Are A Strict Parenting
1. You Make ‘Over-The-Top’ Threats
Your kids may fear you, but it’s hardly likely that they believe that you will throw them out of the house. If they do, it will affect them psychologically, while if they don’t, they will just keep calling your bluff. While empty threats will bring nothing good when raising a child, fair warning, though, followed by keeping to your words would be the best way to make a child sit up and listen. If punishment has to be carried out, make sure it is accompanied by a clear explanation of why it has to be that way.
2. You Make Too Many Rules
When you make too many rules. Best believe that it will become impossible to enforce all of them. It’s a sign that you are just too strict for anyone’s good. It is also a sign of mistrust and fear of losing control. It isn’t very applaudable in the world of parenting. Give due consideration about the rules you wish to set. Don’t even consider setting up too many or even too outrageous ones! It needs to be consistent about enforcing them.
3. You Hardly Watch Your Words
It would do you good to know that most kids are all ears when it comes to listening to what a cross parent has to say. Therefore, what you say is extremely important. No matter how angry you are at a child, resist the urge to use harsh language and let the content of your speech be void of negativity. Remember, positive words build positive minds and vice versa!
4. You ‘Order And Go.’
When you give children a difficult task, make sure to work alongside them and guide them along — just ordering that something is done by a specific time when you, yourself are uncertain if your child can do it. It will only bring disappointment to both parent and child. Instead, you can foster a stronger relationship and valuable teamwork with your kids by working alongside each other, guiding and encouraging them along.
5. Your Kids Is All Work No Play
Other than downtime to synthesise what they have learned, kids also need comfort and fun from time to time. A kid that is filled to the brim with skill, knowledge and information which they end up hardly uses is just learning it for the sake of learning. They are absorbing facts without knowing what they mean. Playtime and games are just as important for kids to learn and develop in a well-rounded manner.
6. Your Words Make It Sound Like Your Love Is Conditional
A child should never be made to feel like a parent’s love should be earned. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in the trend of strict parenting. Remarks like “How do you expect me to be proud of you when you act like this?” or “I’m really fed up with you” are not advisable. They attack a child’s core and do more harm than good. Instead, try approaches like “I will always love you”, and “I know you can do better.”
7. Your Kids Does Not Confide In You
If your child is beginning to talk less and less about important matters to you. It could be a sign of anxiousness which is associated with strict parenting. As kids grow older, the less they will wish to witness scenarios of their parents freaking out, no matter what’s happening in their lives. So, while you may have won the battle in getting your kids to do as they are told. You could be losing the war when you find yourself in the dark about important developments in your kids’ life.
8. Your Kids Are Seen But Not Heard
What seemed like a virtue in the olden days might not necessarily be a good thing for today’s kids. It is mainly because today’s parents know better now than to run a tight ship when it comes to parenting. Opinions matter, for they help build character and individuality. Kids who are constantly silenced and not allowed to speak up may grow up to be insecure of their own capabilities and depend heavily on others for opinions and decisions.
What do you think? Are you one of those strict parents? Or you are the laid back type? To say the least, being strict is alright as long as you know what to do and not do when handling your kids. They are, after all, learning and developing a lot of new skills as they can. We, as parents, need to be supportive of what they do. Letting them follow what you want doesn’t guarantee they become as what you wish.
Being too strict doesn’t guarantee that they didn’t do anything behind your back. Your kids may or may took a lot of risks to have a normal life like their friends. Treating them that way isn’t valid enough. You should be able to control and balance when to be strict and when not to be strict. Your kids need your comfort and love even when they are too old for that. All in all, what matters is your bond with them.
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