Parenting isn’t just about learning new things and finding new ways to raise children; it also involves a whole lot of dilemmas when making a decision. A question that never leaves my mind (and I’m sure it does for many other parents) is, “Am I doing the right thing for my kids?”
Today’s topic is a bit sensitive (a lot, really), and it has been hotly debated since some people suggested including sex education in Malaysian schools. Hearing ‘sex’ next to the word ‘children’ may be enough to set off a lot of parents. They might begin to wonder, “Do my young kids really need to learn about sex?”
Of course, they do! There’s no denying it. The question is when and how they should be told. And how young is too young to be aware of this controversial (or at least in our Malaysian culture) topic? Now, I have no say in whether or not it should be considered in school—I would rather leave that decision to the respective authorities.
However, it is critical for us parents to discuss this topic with our children either way. We need to stop keeping it a secret because you don’t want their “Where do babies come from?” question to be answered by the wrong resources or people. Seriously, don’t avoid the question by brushing it off as if they shouldn’t be asking it at all. No matter what the subject, always address your children’s curiosity.
To be honest, I myself have no idea when to discuss sexual health education with my kids. So, join me on this journey as I share my observations and findings. At the end of the day, I believe in providing accurate information to my children because they deserve to know how to live their lives in this world.
My Perspective on Sexual Health Education
Having had the opportunity to attend a UK high school when I was in Year 7 (Form 1 in Malaysia), I was shocked to be exposed to a subject called ‘Sex Education,’ which I later dropped due to religious reasons. That class was all about learning how to engage in sexual intercourse, complete with visual lessons!
That’s why, given what the subject is in the United Kingdom, I am opposed to the idea of introducing sex education in Malaysia. It does appear to be nothing more than teaching the children how to have sex! Instead, the subject that they must include is known as Sexual Health Education. Which teaches about having safe sex, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual abstinence, and other related concepts.
Those are some of the things I learned in Physical Sex and Health Education (PSHE) in Year 9 (Form 3) in the United Kingdom, as well as in a Health Education course during my college years. Basically, the terminology makes all the difference: ‘sex education’ and ‘sexual health education’ are two entirely different learnings.
Let’s see what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has to say about sexual health education:
“Quality sexual health education (SHE) provides students with the knowledge and skills to help them be healthy and avoid human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), sexually transmitted diseases (STD), and unintended pregnancy. A SHE curriculum includes medically accurate, developmentally appropriate, and culturally relevant content and skills that target key behavioural outcomes and promote healthy sexual development.” Also, “sexual health education should be consistent with scientific research and best practices; reflect the diversity of student experiences and identities; and align with school, family, and community priorities.”
This demonstrates that there are numerous potential benefits for our children to learn from SHE, and what should be taught must be valid and justified. The CDC went on to say that quality SHE programmes will teach students how to do the following:
- Examine the effects of family, peer, and media influences on health
- Access valid and reliable health information, products, and services (e.g., HIV/STD testing)
- Discuss health-related issues with family members, peers, and teachers
- Make informed and thoughtful health-related decisions
- Take responsibility for themselves and others to improve their health
In general, this is a Western idea or concept of learning about sex-related topics. As a Muslim, I am obligated to learn about the Islamic perspective on teaching my children about sexual health.
Teaching My Kids Sexual Health Education, the Islamic Way
The information I found on the IslamiCity website strengthens my decision to educate my children on sexual health education, as stated, “Research in this area reveals that ignorance and unresolved curiosity, not knowledge, is harmful. Our failure to tell children what they want and need to know is one reason we have the highest rates of out-of-wedlock teen pregnancy and abortion of any highly developed country in the world.”
I completely agree with them when they say that the main reason Muslim parents do not or cannot discuss sex education with their children is due to cultural upbringing, not religious training. Come to think of it, most people I know from a Muslim background are generally brought up with a lack of knowledge about sex matters. Especially those who grew up in a conservative household.
I also came across another website, Islam Q&A, where the question “What is the appropriate age to teach children sex education?” was asked.
One part of the responses that drew my attention was,
“It should be noted that what is needed of that knowledge is natural and instinctive in the first place, and what you need to point out must be taught to children gradually, following the stages of their development, by means of lessons of Fiqh, study circles and classes in school.”
This practically means that I have to teach my children about sexual health from an Islamic perspective. And by referring to the Quran, hadith, and sunnah. I see this as a learning opportunity for me as well. I still have a lot to explore before I can start teaching my kids. The answer also mentioned how important it is to use conservative words and phrases, as well as pay attention to the appropriate ages and stages to discuss this topic.
To summarise, I understand that as a Muslim parent I must teach my children that their value system and way of life differs from those of non-Muslims.
Knowing What to Say and How to Say It
Whether you choose the western, Islamic, or any other method that suits your beliefs, when introducing or discussing sexual health with children of any age, it is important to remember that it is also about how you convey the information.
These tips from raisingchildren.net.au can make it simpler to talk about this sensitive topic with kids:
Age-appropriate explanation
Determine what you should explain or discuss with your children based on their age. If you can, keep your explanation concise, factual, and positive. This way, you won’t overwhelm your children with information. And they’ll be able to ask questions about anything they don’t understand.
Correct names for body parts
When discussing body parts, always use the correct names. Anus, penis, testicles, vulva, and vagina are a few examples. This can help them feel more at ease and confident in their own bodies, as well as better communicate their needs in the event of a pain emergency.
“I don’t know” is fine
Don’t worry if you can’t answer your kids’ questions. Just tell them that you don’t know and that you’ll get back to them as soon as you find out. Don’t make anything up and make sure to get back to your child. You could also suggest that the two of you look for more information together.
All parents’ involvement
It’s always a good idea for all parents to participate in sexual health discussions. When parents discuss it in a relaxed and respectful manner, their children learn that it is acceptable to talk about sex and sexuality. We want them to understand that such communication is normal, even if it is private.
Begin the conversation
Some children do not ask many questions, so you may need to initiate a conversation. It’s a good idea to plan out what you’re going to say ahead of time, then choose a good time to bring it up. For example, if someone is talking about pregnancy on TV, you could say, ‘They were talking about pregnancy on TV earlier.’ ‘I was wondering if you knew what that was.’
Be well prepared for sexual health education
Even as parents, discussing sexuality can be embarrassing and uncomfortable if you aren’t used to it. However, if you are truly committed to educating your kids, begin with something about which you can converse and progress from there. It is best to conduct research to determine what information children need to know at various ages (which goes back to point No.1).
You Decide What Is Best for Your Children
If you believe your children are ready to learn about all of this, they most likely are. Sometimes, you just have to trust your instincts and gut feelings. You can also find out by knowing what they’ve learned in school or by asking questions pertaining to sexual health.
We all want the best for our children, and knowing too little or too much information can sometimes be more harmful than otherwise. You know what’s best for your children, mummies. So, don’t worry too much. Just strive to do what you feel is right in providing the best education for them. It doesn’t matter if it’s about sexual health or something else in life. Go with your gut feeling, it is usually right. You’ve got this, mummies!
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