Co-sleeping or sharing a bed with a child is a contentious issue among parents and paediatricians. Regardless of the various views, some people are opposed to it, while others are at ease with it.
Personally, I wouldn’t say there is a right or wrong answer to this. Parenting is difficult enough as it is; deciding where your child will sleep should not add to the complexity.
Whatever you decide, make sure it is safe and comfortable for both your children and yourself. Though, it is worth noting that the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) does not recommend that parents allow their baby to sleep in the same bed as them due to the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SID), suffocation, and other sleep-related deaths.
Similarly, according to NPR data, a low-risk baby has a 1 in 16,400 chance of dying from SIDS in his or her parent’s bed. While sleeping in a crib in the parent’s room, the probability drops to 1 in 46,000.
Furthermore, bed-sharing can have a negative impact on older children, who may become reliant on it as a sleeping aid.
Then again, some parents prefer co-sleeping because they believe it fosters bonding, facilitates nursing, and protects children. Well, I’m afraid to say that I am one of them. :s
Why I Decided on Co-Sleeping with My Toddler
My main reason for having all three of my children co-sleep has always been to have easy access to my infants for nursing. However, I’ve always been aware of the consequences and take precautions to ensure my baby’s safety when sleeping.
While there have been studies on the dangers of co-sleeping, there have also been studies on the benefits. ‘Safe Infant Sleep‘, a book by James J. McKenna, offers a variety of options and safety tips for a family’s ideal co-sleeping arrangement. These include room sharing and bedsharing variations, as well as the introduction of the concept of ‘breastsleeping’.
In the book, he also stated that “physical contact in close co-sleeping helps babies breathe more regularly, use energy more efficiently, grow faster, and experience less stress”.
So, mummies, if you are currently co-sleeping or plan to do so in the future, don’t feel overly guilty! It’s completely normal, and once both of you are ready, there will be ways to get your kids into their own bed, which I’ll reveal towards the end of this blog.
Nonetheless, there are benefits and drawbacks to co-sleeping, and I must admit that I don’t always wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start my day. Especially since my three-year-old is a light and restless sleeper. First, let’s focus on the positives.
What I Love About Co-Sleeping
When it comes to sleeping in the same bed as children, everyone’s experience is different. For me, these are the things I will not regret as I kept my children close to me at night from newborn to four years old before moving them to their own bed.
Everyone’s experience might be different when it comes to sleeping together with young ones on the same bed. Since I have kept my kids right next to me during night time from newborn to until four years old before they move to their own room, the following are the things I won’t regret. If I had to do it all over again, I would.
1. Nursing made easy
I enjoy the fact that I can keep my baby at arm’s length and it’s easier to nurse throughout the night. I know some will disagree, but it brings me joy when I get to rest and sleep while nursing my child. Less tiring, less headache.
2. Can respond quickly
This is great because whenever my child requires something, I can attend to it quickly and without stress. Since we’re already in the same room, it’s a good way to avoid making her even more upset.
3. Feel the co-sleeping bond
It’s impossible to deny that sleeping with my baby all night provides irresistible cute affection. It helped my children and I bond and feel closer even after they started sleeping in their rooms.
4. Get to stay in bed
I don’t have to get out of my comfy bed to put my child back to sleep if she wakes up in the middle of the night because she is in the same bed as me.
Also, instead of having to wake up and go to another room, I can do whatever needs to be done, such as nappy change or nursing, and then immediately return to sleep.
5. Spend quality time co-sleeping
There are days when I am simply too busy to spend time with my child. I say my goodbyes early in the morning and only see my precious children late at night.
At times like this, sleeping together is my way of spending quality time before we drift off to sleep together.
6. Keep my child close and safe
Despite what some people believe, I am comfortable knowing that I can keep an eye on my child while they sleep next to me. Every time I have a new baby, I go insane thinking about SIDS, and co-sleeping makes me feel like I’m prepared to respond to the baby if something goes wrong.
While I genuinely love co-sleeping with my little angel, there are times when things happen that I don’t thoroughly enjoy.
Here’s What I Won’t Miss So Much
1. Lack of sleep
There are times when my child will keep waking up to nurse, have a nightmare, or be restless, and I will find myself unable to sleep. When I don’t get enough snooze, waking up to run errands and finish work is a daunting task. I’m easily irritated as well.
2. Becoming a sleep crutch
This is when my three-year-old simply needs me by her side to fall asleep. I found it extremely difficult and stressful at times, especially when I had to finish some work before going to bed. I’ve tried putting her to bed first, but she’ll wake up screaming if I’m not there!
3. Insane back pain
Well, nursing overnight and having my little toddler in my space, leaving me with only a few inches on the bed, causes me to have back pain almost every day. I mean, it was perfectly fine when she was a baby. But now that she’s three, sleeping together is becoming more difficult.
4. Little time for intimacy
Sleeping with my baby in bed has caused me to pay more attention to her rather than my true sleeping partner. I’m aware of how bad it is.
This is where communication comes into play. Always ensure that the decision to co-sleep is mutually acceptable to both parties.
To be honest, I’ve never regretted my decision to co-sleep. I want to make the most of every moment I can spend sleeping with my little one. Because, to me, the day will come when this little one, like her elder siblings, will sleep in her own bed.
That being said, I’ll conclude this blog with some pointers on how to gradually stop the young ones from sleeping together with you.
How to Detach a Child from Co-Sleeping
Since I am planning to detach my toddler from co-sleeping in a few months, I’ve been online looking for ways to go about it.
Here are a few ideas to consider if you want to transition your child to their own bed:
- Mentally prepare your kid by discussing the change ahead of time
- Find the right time so that the child is not overwhelmed or scared
- Use the fading method, in which you stay with your toddler for a short time and then slowly walk away once they’ve fallen asleep
- Allow your child to choose their bedding and soft toys for the room
- Have a sleepover in your kid’s room to ease him or her into the space
- Stick to your strategy and the idea of your child sleeping on their own
That said, at the end of the day, only you would know best what is right for you and your child. May everything go swimmingly for you and your little ones, my fellow mummies!
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