In recent years, it has become more and more common to use psychological terms like “narcissism” or “narcissistic” to describe people.
But how well do we understand its meaning?
According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.
PsychCentral describes at least two subtypes of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable.
- Grandiose narcissism – Most people probably associate narcissism with grandiose behaviour. Grandiose narcissists may be more extraverted, have lower levels of neuroticism, and openly express feelings of superiority.
- Vulnerable narcissism – This has many of the same fundamental characteristics as NPD. But may involve more covert thoughts and actions. The neuroticism and need for assurance are typically higher in people with vulnerable narcissism.
The condition affecting adults is frequently discussed, but not so much for children.
However, it is important to recognise that our children can exhibit narcissistic behaviour from a young age.
And it is critical to recognise this early on. That way, you can provide the necessary support while also being prepared to handle the situation.
So, let’s take a closer look at the topic of narcissistic children.
What Creates a Narcissistic Child?
It is widely acknowledged that how children behave or turn out to be as adults is heavily influenced by their parenting (i.e., upbringings), whether positive or negative.
However, there are two major factors in the case of NPD, which are environmental and genetic.
Environmental Causes of NPD
This includes cultural standards and parenting styles that might influence the emergence of NPD.
According to some studies, individualistic cultures (which place a greater emphasis on each person’s rights and goals) tend to have higher narcissism scores than collectivistic cultures (which place a greater emphasis on what is best for the group).
Aside from culture, research indicates that childhood experiences may have a significant impact on the development of NPD.
Parents’ rejection or criticism as a child may have had a negative impact on an adult’s development of NPD. On the other hand, excessive parental praise can also cause NPD.
Generally speaking, the following parenting characteristics are linked to higher levels of narcissism in children:
- “helicopter” parenting or overprotective
- lack of warmth
- imposing few restrictions or boundaries (leniency)
- praise that incites perfection or unreasonably high standards (overvaluation)
- Abuse or maltreatment
Even though parenting may play a role, there isn’t “one” parenting style that invariably breeds narcissism. Instead, NPD may be caused by a combination of parenting styles and other contributing factors (such as genetics).
Genetic Causes of NPD
Narcissistic personality disorder may also be influenced by genetics. In a study involving 304 pairs of twins, researchers discovered that the following NPD traits were somewhat heritable (i.e., could be passed on through genetics):
- grandiosity was 23% heritable
- entitlement was 35% heritable
The way NPD manifests itself may also be influenced by personality traits. In that regard, grandiose narcissism is typically linked to characteristics like:
- an entitlement mentality
- a clear self-centeredness
- domineering or overpowering behaviours
Vulnerable narcissism, on the other hand, is distinguished by characteristics such as:
- introversion, but self-centred
- high neuroticism (moodiness)
- alternating feelings of utter pride and profound shame
(Source: PsychCentral)
What Are the Signs and How Do You Handle Narcissistic Children?
According to emedicinehealth, the primary characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder in children may show up in the following ways:
- Believing they are superior to other children
- Difficulty making and keeping friends
- Feel as though they have a right to attention or a need to be the centre of it
- Withdrawal from people who don’t show them love or admiration
- Failing to express appreciation to parents or others for their kindness.
- Rejecting other kids from their playgroup because of insignificant traits like poverty, a lower social standing, or inability to complete the same tasks at what they perceive to be an appropriate skill level.
- Failure to accept accountability for their actions and the consequences
- Having temper tantrums when being criticised
- Resentment at being told what to do
- Refusal to acknowledge the authority of others
- Gaze aversion (not looking into the eyes of someone speaking to them)
- Pathologic play
- Separation anxiety
- Having unrealistically high expectations of others
- Exaggerated feelings of envy: The child is offended when others are perceived to be superior to him in any way.
- Frequently occurs along with antisocial behaviour: the child will engage in physical altercations or steal toys from other kids.
What can you do if you notice some of these red flags in your children and suspect them of narcissism?
To begin, you can seek an evaluation from a mental health professional to confirm their NPD diagnosis.
Then, ensure that they continue to receive the necessary ongoing support.
There are also some helpful things you can do to deal with narcissistic children, such as:
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Find out more about NPD
It will be simpler to accept your kids as they are and uphold your boundaries if you have a better understanding of how they behave.
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Do not permit mistreatment
Abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, financial, and many other things.
Tolerating any kind of abuse can have a bad effect on narcissistic kids, well as your mental well-being and sense of worth.
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Establish clear boundaries
Your boundaries are not intended to influence their behaviour, but rather to safeguard your own needs and energy.
Boundaries are the reasonable space between both parties’ needs.
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Learn to recognise manipulation techniques
Understanding how narcissists manipulate you to meet their needs in a variety of ways is essential if you want to safeguard your boundaries and yourself.
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Gently point out their actions
In many cases, narcissists are unaware of how their actions affect other people. When you feel it is safe to do so, gently pointing these out can help them learn what is and is not appropriate behaviour around you.
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Provide all the assistance you can
The helplessness and frustration that can come with a loved one being diagnosed with NPD can be lessened by connecting your child with mental health professionals to help manage their illness or by simply maintaining the healthiest relationship you can with them.
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Accept the things you can’t change
An individual may or may not be able to change or lessen their narcissistic personality disorder, which is a complicated and frequently chronic illness.
Acknowledge that you cannot compel them to change their behaviour.
(Source: Choosing Therapy)
When Does Narcissistic Personality Disorder Emerge?
Males are more likely than females to experience narcissistic personality disorder.
And it typically manifests in adolescence or early adulthood, according to Mayo Clinic.
While some kids may exhibit narcissistic traits, this is frequently age-appropriate.
It doesn’t necessarily portend that they’ll go on to experience narcissistic personality disorder.
On a related note, Khiron Clinics provides information from a study by Thomaes & Brummelman that found narcissistic behaviour in children starts to develop around the ages of 7 or 8.
This is the age when children begin to judge themselves based on how others perceive them.
So, if you wanted to check for narcissistic symptoms in your children, you could do so starting around the age of 7 or 8 and continuing through their adolescence and teenage years.
Keep an eye on how your children behave around you and other people.
Which Child Is Most Prone to Narcissism?
Everything comes down to genes, environment, and parenting.
According to Scientific American, some individuals are prone to developing a narcissistic personality.
It is not as simple as inheriting a specific gene. Or experiencing a specific event to develop this type of extreme self-love.
Instead, becoming a narcissist is most likely the result of a complex combination of genetic and psychological or environmental factors.
The site also stated researchers have distinguished two main paths that can result in narcissistic tendencies.
In the first case, kids get unconditional praise from a parent, teacher, or coach even though they don’t exhibit the qualities that merit it.
The second path entails the inverse scenario. Kids who grow up in cold and deprived families are more likely to develop narcissistic personalities.
It can be upsetting and frustrating to not feel fully validated and supported.
Those children may try to defend themselves by suppressing their feelings of sadness and replacing them with a distorted, lofty view of who they are as a way to deal with this dejection.
In short, the root causes of narcissistic perversion are frequently found in dysfunctional families.
Don’t Neglect Your Mental Health, Either
Maintaining your mental health is crucial when dealing with narcissistic children. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be draining and upsetting.
So, it’s important to look after your emotional needs to avoid anger and resentment, parental burnout, or other detrimental effects on your mental well-being.
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