Fatherhood is nothing short of life-changing, in every sense of the word. It has it joys, but it has its challenges too.
For the new dads out there who are struggling with doubts and fears of their own, you are not alone.
There is a whole community of fathers out there online who knows exactly what it means to be responsible for a tiny human. And they’ve got your back.
This Father’s Day, we’d like to highlight the experience of dads who’ve ‘been there and done that’ so that their words of wisdom can be passed down to the men out there who are taking their own baby steps into the world of fatherhood.
Here are the top 10 advice from experienced dads that we found on Reddit.
1. No one is truly prepared for fatherhood.
“You don’t feel ready, but that’s OK. No new dad or mom really feels ready, no matter how much prepping the nursery they’ve done or how tall a stack of parenting books they’ve read.”
Reading about fatherhood is a lot different from actually living it.
Even seeing it in real life, with friends or siblings, pales in comparison to stepping into those shoes yourself.
But just like superheroes, dads must earn their capes. With plenty of trial and error and learning on the go. Afterwards, saving the day will be a breeze.
Whether it’s preparing breakfast on a hectic school morning, or rushing their little ones to the clinic at the first sign of the flu.
2. Fatherhood and physical fitness go hand-in-hand.
“Get in shape now. You’ll be carrying a lot more stuff and will be chasing you kid around soon enough.”
– Sveenee
Many new dads may figure out on day one just how much stamina and core strength it takes to run a family.
If they think an hour at the gym is tough, wait till they have to haul a baby seat to and from the car, or play tag with a two-year-old who’s just learned just how fast he can run.
Plus, babies are heavy, and they only get heavier as they grow.
So, working on that muscle tone before they get bigger may just make it a little easier.
3. Being a dad also means being a teacher.
“Try teach your child as much as possible from as young as you can. They will ask a million questions because everything is brand new and interesting to them.”
– gmrpnk21
Before your kids even step a single foot into a kindergarten or day school, their parents are their first teachers.
Growing kids are absolutely brimming with curiosity and an almost insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You may even get a bit confused, or even dumbstruck with their questions every once in a while.
But remember, they are experiencing the world for the first time.
So, be kind and understanding; let’s ensure their maiden voyage as human beings is pleasant.
4. Treasure the small moments.
“Take every opportunity to play with your kids, read to them, build forts, act dumb, sing silly songs as you march around the house, invent a language, build a check out line and buy all of your own stuff again and again.”
– mxlplic4
Your child grows fast. The days may seem long now, but the years move at light speed.
One day you’re changing their diaper, and the next, you’re taking them to get their driver’s license.
It’s all too easy to say ‘Not right now, kiddo’ or ‘Go ask your mum’ after a particularly bad day at work.
But your kids don’t know about all that.
All they want is to spend time with you.
Cherish those irreplaceable pockets of time, when you don’t have to worry about work, or errands, or taxes. Those moments will pass you by in an instant.
5. Fatherhood requires infinite patience.
“Be understanding. Your kid is a brand new, blank slate driven by emotions. You can teach them as well as you can, but they are still their own unique person. They will make mistakes, argue, get upset, throw tantrums, and frustrate you.”
– gmrpnk21
It’s easy to think of our children as a smaller version of ourselves.
A ‘mini me’, if you will, to be molded easily into our image.
But they are not, and they are still learning what it means to be human.
Sometimes rules and manners don’t necessarily make sense to them.
But remember, we should not force them to do things just because ‘I (you) told you (them) to’.
In fact, allow your child to challenge you about your own beliefs and ways of doing things.
We learn things from our kids just as much as they learn from us.
The best you can do is give them plenty of good reasons to be an upstanding citizen by being one yourself.
After all, children tend to do as we do, never as we say.
6. It’s a team effort.
“You aren’t babysitting when you look after your kids while your partner is doing something else. Its parenting and its equally your responsibility.”
There will be very few instances where a mother can enjoy outside help that does not cost money such as a relative or a grandparent.
But at the very minimum, the child’s father should be actively parenting as well.
The father needs to step into the role of a parent fully—not as a supplementary caretaker, but as an active participant in their child’s life and wellbeing.
7. Nurture your marriage.
“Don’t neglect mom. it’s gonna be all baby, all the time for quite awhile, but ya still gotta schedule date nights and make sexy time.”
There have been many studies that show that a happy marriage promotes a happy childhood (as if it’s not already a no-brainer).
But nurturing your marriage isn’t just about the good times.
In fact, there will be a period when she may not want any ‘sexy time’ for a long, long time.
Some new mothers may through postpartum depression where she will feel intense and unshakeable feelings of despair.
This is truly the time when you will be tested for better or for worse—not just as a father, but as a husband, partner and co-parent.
8. Self-care is not self-ish.
“Having kids isn’t the end of your life, don’t quit your hobbies and don’t sacrifice EVERYTHING you love. Compromise, don’t over accommodate, if you don’t enjoy living, your family don’t enjoy being around you.”
As the saying goes, ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup‘.
Yes, fatherhood comes with lots of sacrifice.
After all, you are putting the needs of a tiny human before your own.
But remember, you are not The Giving Tree, endlessly cutting pieces of yourself away for your loved ones until you are nothing more than a stump.
You are a human too, and with your own hopes, dreams, needs and desires.
So, water your roots, soak up the sun and learn to balance fatherhood with selfhood.
9. There will be a steep learning curve.
“Ignore 90% of parenting advice. People will tell you what worked for them, but there’s no one right answer to parenting.”
No two fathers are the same, just like no two children are the same.
One person may give you one advice about how to raise your child, and someone else may say something totally opposite.
The truth is, fatherhood is similar to motherhood in that both relies on intuition.
So, forget what other people might be telling you and listen to your heart.
Chances are you’re already doing a much better job than you think you are.
10. The weight of the world is on your shoulders.
“You’re not raising a child; you’re raising the adult you want your child to become.”
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that your little one will one day grow up to become a person in their own right.
A human being with their own strengths, weaknesses, their own failures and triumphs. Just like you, more or less.
They may even be parents themselves who will go on to raise their own kids one day.
In this context, we can tweak this advice to, ‘You’re not raising a child; you’re raising the parent you may want your child to become’.
Honouring the Wisdom of Fathers
As they say, anyone can be a father, but it takes hard work to be real dad.
And as the fathers of Reddit can attest, being a ‘provider’ is just part of the equation.
You also have to be a role model, an educator, an enforcer, a nurturer, and above all, a protector.
So when you finally learn the ropes and become a super-dad yourself, be sure to pass on all this sage advice to other new dads.
You may never know when they might need it.
Motherhood wishes all fathers a Happy Father’s Day with love! All of you daddies are rockstars and we thank you for all that you do.
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