As adults, you may find yourself in situations that require you to lie (though it is not recommended!). But, should you do it to or in front of your kids?
To be honest, lying to your children or even in front of them is never acceptable. If you don’t want them to lie to you, why would you expose them to such devious behaviour?
We’ve all experienced the exhaustion that comes with being a parent. Sometimes you have to tell a lie just to get some time to yourself. Do any of these ‘lies’ ring a bell with you?
- “I’ve got some work to do” while you’re on the phone scrolling through social media.
- “I don’t have any money” when really you don’t want to buy them toys.
- “I’ll get you ice cream” which you won’t because you just want them to stop whining.
- “I’m going to count to 10” when you have no idea what to do after that!
If you’re guilty of any of them, you’re not alone. We are all Pinocchio in our own way, after all!
Understandably, there will be times when telling mini lies seems like a better option than dealing with arguments or tantrums.
However, research has shown that lying to children can have a negative impact on them. All of those deceptions will encourage your kids to conceal the truth as they get older.
Related Studies on Telling Lies to Kids
Even if it’s a “white” lie, don’t do it! According to research, lying to your children, even small white lies that help us with discipline, has long-term negative consequences.
The study found that, as compared to pre-schoolers, school-aged children were more inclined to lie if they had been lied to.
That is to say, you must be careful not to lie since your child will pick up on the lies and begin to do so as well.
Another study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found discovered a link between being lied to as a child and lying more as an adult.
Results revealed that the adults who reported being exposed to more parental lying as a child had higher degrees of deceit toward their parents and higher levels of psychosocial maladjustment.
The majority of parents believe that lying protects their children. They are, however, depriving children of emotional growth.
By lying, you are squandering opportunities to create trust and communication with your precious kids.
Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Do It
1. You’ll Wind Up Covering Lies with More Lies
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive”?
This indicates that “when you lie or act dishonestly you are initiating problems and a domino structure of complications which eventually run out of control”.
So, even if you tell a small lie to save your children’s feelings, you may find yourself having to tell more lies merely to cover up the first one.
Finally, you become entangled in a web of deception from which it is difficult to escape. In the end, your children may suffer more than if you simply tell them the truth the first time.
2. Could Damage Parent-Child Relationship
You lied to your children about something important in their life, such as death or divorce.
They’ve been clinging to your deception until the truth finally comes out or they discover it later in life.
It must be excruciating to know that they’ve been deceived for years.
Just like that, your relationship with your children could be jeopardised.
They may feel as if they can’t trust you anymore, and dwell on all the other lies you’ve told them as they’ve grown up.
Though most people’s feelings of betrayal and detachment can be healed through time, the process can take years.
3. Kids Might Think Lying is Okay
Whatever lie you tell your kids, whether it’s a white lie, an instrumental lie, or a plain lie, they’ll think it’s normal to tell lies if you do it in front of them.
This idea will gradually lead to the belief that bigger lies are acceptable as well until the truth is no longer negotiable.
It has been proved that if a youngster discovers that her parents routinely tell her minor lies, she will learn to do the same.
These lies will appear small and “sweet” to her parents at first. Unfortunately, these lies will soon start to snowball, growing larger and larger.
Unfortunately, if not handled properly, they will eventually start lying about a lot of things and believe it is okay to do so.
4. Can’t Handle Adversity or The Truth
You might think you’re protecting your children if you always present a nice picture of everything that happens around them.
In reality, you are impeding their ability to grow and learn how to deal with life’s challenges.
Kids must understand that things don’t always go their way. What matters is how they deal with the issue and grow as a person.
Children will only develop resilience if they are supported during difficult times.
Rather than trying to put them in a cocoon where nothing terrible happens, you should be willing to relay unpleasant and painful news most reassuringly.
Be The Best Role Model for Your Kids
Parents who teach their children that the best policy is honesty should lead by example.
When it comes to determining what your child can and cannot manage, you must use your best judgement.
However, you should not withhold information from your children simply because you do not want to deal with the anguish that the news may give them.
With each difficult incident that occurs, you should always offer your children the encouragement they require to help them grow emotionally stronger.
Then, when life’s most painful realities strike, they’ll be ready to deal with them.
So, the next time you’re going to lie to or in front of your kids, ask yourself, would you be okay if they did the same thing to you? Would you be willing to put up with this kind of behaviour?
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