Weddings in Malaysia are a big affair.
From the glittering pelamin to the five-tiered cake, the matching family outfits to the meticulously planned door gifts, it’s a celebration that brings people together – it’s a celebration that brings people together, sometimes in ways we never even asked for.
But once fuzziness of being raja sehari passes, reality begins.
Because, let’s be honest – a wedding is just one day. Marriage? That’s the real journey.
And no, this isn’t a ‘marriage is so hard’ cautionary tale.
It’s more of a gentle nudge, a friendly reminder that before we get caught up in planning the guest list, it’s worth planning the life we want to build after the big day.
So here it is – a list of important (but often overlooked) questions to include in you and your partner’s pre-marriage conversation.
Not because love isn’t enough, but because love – when paired with communication, honesty, and a good laugh – can go a long, long way.
Can we talk about money pre-marriage?
In some Asian households, talking about money may feel taboo.
We may have grown up hearing things like ‘Jangan kira sangat, rezeki nanti datang’ (Don’t be too calculative about money, you will find a way to earn more) – and while that may be true, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be financially aware.
Money can either be a great tool for building dreams or the elephant in the room that quietly ruins them.
That’s why it’s crucial to discuss your financial situation in your pre-marriage conversation:
- How much do each of you earn?
- Are there any outstanding debts – like student loans, car payments, or that one credit card you’ve been pretending doesn’t exist?
- Are you a spender or a saver?
- Do you believe in pooling your finances or keeping things separate?
It’s not about passing judgment – it’s about setting expectations and avoiding nasty surprises down the line.
And yes, someone will eventually need to sort out the electricity bill while the other figures out the insurance renewal.
Best to know who’s who before things get real.
What are we doing about children, and when?
In Malaysia, the moment the akad nikah or ROM is completed and signed, the aunties may start circling with questions like, ‘Bila nak ada baby?’ as if our bodies run on an automatic 12-month timer.
But family planning is deeply personal.
Maybe you want kids straightaway, maybe you want to wait.
Or maybe you’re not even sure if parenthood is for you – and that’s okay!
What matters is having that conversation early and honestly – during your pre-marriage conversation.
Do both of you want children? How many? What’s your ideal timeline?
How would you handle unexpected challenges like fertility issues or pregnancy loss?
Are you open to adoption or other paths to parenthood?
This isn’t about locking in a five-year plan.
It’s about understanding where your partner stands and whether your visions for the future align.
Let’s talk chores: Who’s doing what?
Romance is lovely, but marriage also involves a lot of daily tasks that aren’t exactly candlelit – cooking, laundry, cleaning the bathroom sink for the third time this week.
In some Malaysian households, gender roles are still deeply embedded.
The expectation is often that the wife will naturally take on domestic duties, even if she’s working full-time.
That’s changing, thankfully, but many couples still fall into this pattern without meaning to.
So, talk about it during your pre-marriage conversation.
- How will housework be divided?
- Who enjoys cooking?
- Who’s better with a mop?
- Who, quite frankly, doesn’t know how to operate the washing machine?
There’s no right or wrong formula – as long as both parties feel seen, supported, and not silently building resentment over dirty dishes.
What about your family, my family, and everybody’s expectations?
In Malaysia, marriage doesn’t just unite two people – it often blends two families, two sets of traditions, and sometimes two entirely different cultures.
You might be marrying into a family that has strong opinions on everything from how you dress to how you raise your children.
Or maybe your partner’s parents expect weekly Sunday lunches without fail, while yours are a bit more hands-off.
It’s important to talk about boundaries during your pre-marriage conversation.
How involved will your parents or in-laws be in your daily lives?
Are there any cultural or religious practices you want to uphold – and how do you feel about your partner’s?
Maybe you’ll celebrate both Hari Raya and Chinese New Year, or maybe one of you will have to learn how to survive five days of Deepavali open houses.
Either way, agreeing on how to handle family involvement lovingly but firmly, can save you a lot of stress later on.
How do we fight?
Every couple argues. What matters is how you argue.
Do you lash out when you’re upset? Does your partner go quiet and shut down? Do either of you struggle to apologise?
These things don’t magically improve with marriage – in fact, they tend to grow louder in the tight quarters of shared life.
Talk about how you handle conflict:
- What do you need when you’re upset? Do you prefer space or reassurance?
- What are your ‘non-negotiables’ in an argument – yelling, walking away, bringing up past mistakes?
Understanding each other’s conflict styles can help turn fights into healthy disagreements – rather than emotional minefields you avoid at all costs.
Are we dreaming the same dream?
Here’s a question many couples forget to ask in the rush of wedding prep: What kind of life are we trying to build?
Fast forward five or ten years:
- Where are you living – in the city, back in your hometown, overseas?
- Are you focused on building careers or slowing down to raise kids?
- What’s your ideal work-life balance?
- Are you saving for a house, or would you rather travel and explore for a while?
It’s these conversations that help reveal whether you’re both moving in the same direction – or simply hoping things will sort themselves out eventually.
Marriage Is About Choosing Each Other – Again and Again
At its core, marriage isn’t about perfection.
It’s about choosing each other over and over, through every chapter – the messy, the mundane, the magical.
Having this pre-marriage conversation won’t guarantee a smooth road ahead.
But it will give you a stronger foundation built on trust, clarity, and mutual respect. And that’s worth far more than any wedding package.
So, yes, get excited about the venue and the outfit and the kompang group.
But in between cake tastings and hantaran shopping, make time for the deeper stuff.
The kind of stuff that doesn’t show up on Instagram but matters far more in the long run.
Because at the end of the day, love is not just about saying ‘I do.’
It’s about saying, ‘Let’s do this – together.’
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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