“No!”
I say it, you say it, and we all say it to our children. Even when we try not to, the word just slips out when we see our young ones doing something wrong. But, is ‘no’ really such a bad word for our kids?
Although it can be difficult to tell children that they are not allowed to do or have something, there are times when they need to understand their limits, boundaries, and what can be potentially harmful.
That’s where the word ‘no’ comes into play.
Did you know that saying no is equally important as saying yes? Both of these words can be beneficial to children if used at the appropriate time and in the proper manner.
According to Georgia Manning, counsellor, psychotherapist, and director of Wellbeing For Kids, “saying ‘no’ to your kids is one of the things you can do for them,” as mentioned on Melbourne Child Psychology‘s site.
While some parents may be hesitant to say ‘no’ because they don’t want to upset their children or deal with the whining, crying, or throwing tantrums, knowing when to say ‘no’ at the right time is an important part of educating our children.
It allows them to explore the world with some responsibility and independence, knowing that not everything in the world is good for them and that they can’t have it all.
Let’s see how teaching our children the word ‘no’ will be a learning curve for them as they grow up and deal with the outside world.
Learning to Be Patient
Sometimes it’s not that we don’t want to allow or give our children what they asked for, but the request came at the wrong time. Saying ‘no’ and explaining that they can get it another time will teach them to be patient while waiting for that time to come. Don’t get irritated if your children keep pestering you (which they will most of the time!), just keep explaining to them and they’ll eventually understand.
Learning to Be Confident
It’s natural for parents to feel obligated to assist and support their children in everything they do. However, in some cases, such as doing chores, homework, or doing something as simple as buttoning shirts, don’t immediately jump into the waggon to assist when asked. Allow them to explore first to see how they do. When they succeed on their own, it boosts their self-esteem and gives them a sense of accomplishment, and they will be more confident the next time.
Learning to Be Self-Aware
When children want something, they just want it, no matter what. Even if the items are inconvenient or unnecessary. Most of the time, it’s because they’re unaware that what they’ve asked for isn’t good for them. So, do your part by expressing your concerns as well as the consequences of their decision. It’s a good way for your children to learn whether or not their actions, thoughts, and emotions are beneficial to them.
Learning to Be Empathetic
What can you do if your kids ask you to bring them out when you’re extremely busy at work, or if they want you to buy a new expensive toy when you’re on a tight budget? Should you give in and make sacrifices just to give your children what they want? Most likely not, because this is an excellent opportunity for children to learn to empathise with their parents’ feelings and situations. Explain why you must decline their requests. You’ll be surprised at how understanding children can be!
Learning to Be Disciplined
It’s critical that when you say ‘no’ to your children, you demonstrate that you truly mean it. It should also be made clear to your children that you will not tolerate unacceptable negative behaviour in response to their refusal to accept your decision. Your children will understand that there are limits and boundaries that they should not cross once they learn to accept no for an answer (with the proper justification, of course).
Learning to Say ‘No’
Isn’t it wonderful that you get to teach your children that it is okay to say ‘no’? This is significant because they, too, have their own opinions, preferences, and dislikes. They also can prevent someone from doing something they find unpleasant. When you constantly justify your ‘no’, your children will learn that they, too, must have an explanation when they say ‘no’.
Say ‘No’ the Right Way
Although saying ‘no’ can be beneficial, it does not imply that we should tell our children ‘no’ all day long. You don’t want your children to become immune to the word ‘no’ and begin ignoring you, do you?
The most important thing to remember is that when you say ‘no’, you must always follow it up with a legitimate explanation. It’s usually not so much about the actual word as it is about how and when you say it.
Remind yourself that, while your children may be unhappy when they hear the word ‘no’, you’re doing the right thing. You’re better preparing them for adulthood and the real world, where we’ll hear that word more frequently than we’d want.
For more insightful stories and fun recipes, stay tuned to Motherhood Story!