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I stood outside the door, listening to my daughter cry. Inside, a therapist was supposedly working with her, but all I could hear were wails and screams. Later, while sitting in the waiting room, I caught a glimpse of Stacia, then only three years old and diagnosed with moderate ASD, as a therapist led her to a different room. Her little body encased in a heavy, weighted vest, her tiny hands and feet bound with wrist and ankle weights. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her darling face red and streaked with tears. My heavy heart broke into a million pieces.
“This was wrong,” I thought. I imagined what she was feeling, shackled and bound, led by a “prison master” from one torturous activity to another. We knew the therapist was not a torturer, but rather trying to help her. But did my three year old understand? Did she know that all this early intervention was “for her own good”? That it was what doctors and professionals recommended?
Probably not. All Stacia knew was that she had to do task after task whether she liked it or not, regardless of whether she felt discomfort or pain. And when she cried, she was wrapped tightly in a heavy blanket or weighed down without permission. That was torture for her. Although I felt it was not right, numbed and helpless, I did not know what else to do. We were out of options.
Then one day, over the radio, I heard about something called the Son-Rise Program, and that Raun Kaufman from the Autism Treatment Center of America was giving a lecture the next day. I signed up instinctively, not knowing anything about the program.
Hope, Connection and Trust
At the Autism Help lecture, I was bowled over by Raun Kaufman’s dynamic and empathic talk. Here was someone talking about building connection and trust with our children with special needs, about understanding and joining our children in their world. It was unlike anything I had heard before, and it resonated deeply with me, with who I wanted to be as a parent. He also talked about how his parents worked with him and recovered him, with love and acceptance in their heart. “Wow,” I thought, “If I had autism and could recover, I would want it done by people who loved me the most.” Convinced, I signed up for the Son-Rise Program Start Up Course later that year. And my life, my daughter’s life, changed.
In the Son-Rise Program, we are encouraged to put the relationship with our special children first. Emphasis is placed on connecting with children on the autism spectrum, building trust and most of all, having an attitude of love and acceptance when playing with them. The foundation of the program rests upon the idea that children show us the way in, and then we show them the way out. Rather than forcing our children to conform to a world that they do not yet understand, parents and caregivers begin by joining in their world first. Once a strong bridge of mutual connection and trust is built, then only do we invite them into our world.
I learned many strategies at the Son-Rise Program course, where Raun Kaufman was also one of our trainers. But most of all, I learned to be hopeful again. I entered the five-day course full of grief, sadness, despair and helplessness. And emerged feeling like a butterfly, light as a feather, full of happiness, clarity and hope, ready to truly begin our Autism Adventure.
Beginning Our Home-Based Program
I started by playing with Stacia for 30 minutes a day. The Son-Rise Program is very empowering for parents, taking the reins of our child’s interventions away from the professionals and into our hands. Although it did feel daunting in the beginning, the more time and effort I spent doing this home-based, relationship-based, play-based and child-led program with my daughter, the more competent I felt. As she transformed and blossomed in front of my eyes, I started to feel that yes! I do have it in me to help my daughter. My confidence grew, and so did Stacia’s.
One of the first things I did was to reduce the hours she spent in conventional therapies that were not working for her, and to spend more time in our Son-Rise playroom. Noticeably, the more Stacia was freed from interventions and programs that were stressful, the more she improved. Her receptive language exploded. Her meltdowns decreased. She was visibly happier. We also strived to create a relaxed environment for Stacia at all times, so that she was not be placed in situations that triggered the fight or flight responses.
Growing in a Magical Place
The Son-Rise playroom, which is her bedroom, became our magical place. We played for hours each week in that special room, bonding, sharing each other’s company, sometimes in silence, sometimes in utter silliness. I let go of all the expectations of what I wanted her to be and what she was not, and learned to see my daughter, really see her for the first time. Appreciating everything about Stacia, from her quirks and behaviors, her likes and dislikes, what made her tense, excited or relaxed, her personality traits and unique capabilities.
Our daughter blossomed and changed everyday. Her development was no longer stagnant, because I knew how to grow her, water the seeds, create the best environment, and give her time and space to take root. She went from an extremely picky eater who ate limited foods in tiny amounts, to eating three full meals a day, including snacks, fruits and vegetables. Eating out was no longer a problem, as we could usually find food on the menu for her.
Stacia now sleeps off on her own, and stays asleep through the night, where in the past, she would wake up in the middle of the night crying relentlessly for sometimes an hour. Literally at 8:00pm every night, we read stories, sing songs, I tuck her in, turn off the light and leave the room. No more bedtime drama! No more insistence on me staying with her. And on the rare occasion she does wake up in the middle of the night, she stays in her room, plays for a while, then goes back to sleep on her own.
Reduced Meltdowns with Son-Rise Strategies
Her meltdowns and tantrums have reduced drastically. They used to be long, drawn out, full on screaming and kicking. Her longest meltdown was almost an entire day, because of a tummy ache from strong probiotics.
With the Son-Rise Program strategies applied over a period of time, she tantrumed much less. If she did have an occasional meltdown, it was no more than a few minutes. Most importantly though, I know what to do when she does throw a tantrum. I no longer fear them, our lives do not revolve around meltdowns anymore, and I am able to move on quickly if they happen.
She was potty trained at four years old, and night trained at five. She learned to swim in deep water, joyously. Her eye contact ramped up, totally spontaneous, curious and social. She used to wriggle away when I tried to hug or cuddle her, but today, she is an incredibly affectionate and loving child, actively seeking me out for attention.
Most of all though, Stacia’s desire to communicate and socialize with us grew exponentially, compared to where she was before we started the program. Where she was previously indifferent to even her own name, she now comes to us, curious, when we call her from another room. She responds when I ask her to do something, or when asked not to do something, without needing to raise my voice. She communicates her wants to us. Stacia wants to interact, and loves having her volunteers come over to play. Her attention span has lengthened. She does not flit from one activity to another anymore, and is writing, spelling, doing math and learning about science and the world through motivating games or learning activities that are acceptable to her. She knows she can say no to any activity and it would be respected.
Happier Home Life
Our home life is happy, relaxed and stress-free. I learned to believe in myself and my child. To trust Stacia’s capability to grow and learn, with me as an enthusiastic supporter and playmate, not as a taskmaster or director. My attitude has totally changed, and I no longer seek to fix my child, but to love and accept her wholly for who and how she is, autism and all. And yet at the same time full of hope for her development, with practical goalposts on getting there. We want everything and need nothing, as the famous Son-Rise saying goes.
Hope and Growth for Children of All Ages
We are not the only special needs family that experienced this transformation. Darzalina, mother of Erina, age nine, diagnosed with ASD, says that she found hope again with the Son-Rise Program. “Erina now has meaningful relationships not only with me,” says Darzalina, “but with other family members like her sister too. She even hugs and gives me kisses, saying she needs me, spontaneously!” A wonderful development, as Erina was not verbal before the program, eight months ago.
For Susie, mother of 27 year old Zhao Xiong, diagnosed with severe autism since childhood, the Son-Rise Program enabled her to develop a close relationship with her adult son. “For years, professionals told me that once Zhao Xiong entered adulthood, his learning would be stagnant and he would never progress beyond what he already could do,” recalls Susie. Since starting the program though, Zhao Xiong speaks up more and initiates communication on his own. “I now have conversations with him daily!” exclaims Susie.
Learn about the Son-Rise Program for yourselves! Raun Kaufman is the first child to recover from severe autism with the Son-Rise Program, a program his parents created for him. He will be in Malaysia this September to give his dynamic Autism Help Lecture. Raun is the Director of Global Education at the Autism Treatment Center of America, the home of the Son-Rise Program. He is also the author of Autism Breakthrough. Get your tickets below for only RM55 / person:
- 1 September, 2 – 5pm, Kelana Jaya, PJ:
https://1sept2019-autism-help-kelanajaya.eventbrite.sg
- 7 September, 2 – 5pm, Universiti Malaya, KL:
https://7sept2019-autism-help-kualalumpur.eventbrite.sg
In November 2019, the Son-Rise Program will run their foundational and advanced courses here in Malaysia: the In-Person Start-Up and Maximum Impact training courses. These are five-day group training programs for parents, relatives and professionals looking to facilitate meaningful progress in their children (ages 18 months through 60 years) with special needs. Find out more at: https://www.embraceautism.sg/