Growing up we hear common phrases our mothers use on us when we act out. You know that moment when your children are going to do something you do not want them to. And yet we think that by using threats to keep them in line, we are strict parents.
This is the part where threats come in. You think that it can change your children’s course of action and bring peace. But do threats work? Or is it because we want to protect them, so we end up threatening them?
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“Wait Until Your Father Gets Home”
We have heard this phrase since young. Whenever your child did something wrong, you’d say that phrase to threaten your child. Even though it is the father that has the stronger disciplinarian in the family, mothers still need to enforce the family limits if they want their child to obey them.
Using this phrase just means that they don’t have to mind their mother and they can do anything they want until their father gets home.
“You’re Going Get In Big Trouble”
The reality hits us hard when we get into trouble, our mother would yell at us. But the hard truth for mothers is that yelling creates a breach in a relationship.
As anger is taking centre stage, our children don’t respond to the fear of punishment. Instead, they react to your emotions and reactions. When you yell at them, it sends them a threat of consequences instead of teaching them making a right decision.
“Behave yourself, or you won’t get to go out”
We’ve heard this phrase umpteen times, we’ve lost count. Many parents would threaten not to let their children go out whether it’s to the playground, malls or any places whenever they misbehave.
Instead of laying out another strategy to teach our children about the consequences of their misbehaviour, parents threaten them. This will slowly lead to bad interaction between you and your child. In fact, parents should tell the child they still aren’t happy with what the child is doing and try another way of getting the child to cooperate.
“I am going to leave you here”
We’ve all been there. When it’s time to leave the park, and your kids won’t go, but they run, they hide, and they refuse. In the meantime, you become more and more frustrated and angry. It always happens when your kids won’t get on board with what you’re trying to do, but the threat of abandonment causes a significant impact on their young minds.
Even though you know it is just a threat to them and would never act on it; it is profoundly damaging to your child. Your child’s feeling of attachment to you is one of extremely essential in their development. In fact, it opens up the possibility that you will not be there to protect and care for them.
“Just wait and see what happens”
While some of us hearing this phrase growing up, parents need to be specific in their information. Instead of describing the behaviour that is not acceptable, these phrases are discouraging. It makes children fearful but also leads children to act out in retaliation. Otherwise, they will just continue doing what they are doing because they don’t have enough information to understand what it is you want them to do.
So, parents should use another way round to make their children feel capable and encouraged. So instead of threatening try offering alternatives that involve your child in the process. For example, asking them whether they want to read a book and you are just five minutes away from the destination!
These phrases just passed on from generation to generation. Parents love to threaten so that their children will behave. In all honesty, does threatening actually work? Instead of threatening your child, why not teach them to live with their choices and learn from it. We can’t control how our children act, but we can definitely help them to make good choices by giving them clear consequences and directions for their actions.
How do you teach your children? Did your parents threaten you with these phrases too? Don’t hesitate to share it with us in the comment section! Parents let us know what you think about this article or share your story below. To find more parenting advice, and products head over to Motherhood.com.my.