Just like with many Asian countries and communities in the world, Malaysia has a long history of traditions and customs.
But with the rise of technology and science, new challenges arise among parents when trying to balance traditional parenting with modern parenting.
The Malaysian approach to parenting is influenced by a mix of cultural, religious, and social factors. Many of which are as vast and as varied as the country’s people.
On the other hand, modern parenting focuses on decades of science-backed research in health, education, psychology, and other aspects, from experts in the field of childcare.
While it’s essential to note that parenting styles can vary widely among individuals and communities, there are some parenting styles that many Malaysians share, regardless of their ethnicity.
Embracing Modern and Traditional Parenting
Family Centrality
In Malaysian communities, blood is thicker than, well, anything. Whether you’re Malay, Chinese, Indian, indigenous, or others, the focus on family is number one.
Respect for one’s elders are rule of law, and one must often sacrifice one’s own desires and goals for the needs of the many.
When incorporating modern parenting with traditional values, it’s important to continue to encourage your children to respect and obey their parents and elders.
But at the same time, do not discourage them from discovering or pursuing their personal interests and heart’s desires either. Even if they are non-traditional.
Modern parenting focuses on individual happiness, making sure your child has their own identity, lives and wants. Those not moulded by familial expectations or pressures.
Culture and Religion
Malaysia is a multicultural and multi-religious society. Islam, Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism are some of the major belief systems.
Cultural and religious values heavily influence parenting practices.
However, we cannot deny that culture is also the source of great division amongst different ethnicities.
While cultural and religious values must always be respected, modern parenting urges parents to allow their kids to learn from other cultures. And be respectful of the customs of other races.
Discipline and Respect
Often a contentious issue between traditional parents and modern parents, discipline is a hot topic that deserves its own discussion.
But we can all agree that some forms of traditional discipline is harmful for both the physical and mental wellbeing of our children.
Corporal punishment, verbal abuse and withholding affection are often common in traditional parenting.
In modern parenting, parents are encouraged to adopt gentler and more positive forms of discipline. Such as positive reinforcement, open communication and being role models.
Many techniques from modern parenting have been backed by research to help children grow into happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults.
Technology and Globalisation
Technology can be a double-edged sword when discussing traditional and modern parenting.
One may think that traditional parenting is the stricter counterpart, enforcing an Internet-free home and limited screen time, and encouraging games of congkak and takraw.
But the opposite may be truer.
Some traditional parents who do not know the harms of technology may let their children use electronic devices gratuitously.
On the other hand, it may be the modern parents who are more selective about their kids’ use of smartphones and the Internet.
Having done research on just how bad excessive screen time can be for children’s cognitive development.
Whatever the case may be, all children benefit from playing outside in the dirt and sun with their peers. Regardless of whether you as their parents are traditional or modern.
Gender Roles
Malaysian culture at times can be seen as being stricter on gender roles. Girls stay home and do chores, and boys go outside and play football.
Sometimes parents and relatives may subconsciously perpetuate harmful stereotypes.
Some of these customs are patriarchal in nature, perpetuating toxic masculinity which have devastating results for children of all genders.
For example, men who grew up with harmful stereotypes like ‘boys don’t cry’, tend to suppress their emotions, which then manifests later in depression and domestic violence.
With society treating men as ‘greater’ than women, we may unintentionally raise boys who may mistreat their spouses. And women who are taught they are ‘less’, may take the abuse without a second thought.
Modern parenting encourages parents to allow both boys and girls to express themselves freely, regardless of gender norms.
Boys are allowed to pursue fashion, and girls are allowed to pursue sports. Women can be breadwinners and men can become stay-at-home spouses.
Traditional and Modern Parenting: Striking the Balance
Skeptics may turn their noses up at the mere idea.
But combining traditional values with modern parenting is indeed possible. And can in fact benefit your children more than you think.
And don’t misunderstand; modern parenting isn’t ‘Western parenting’.
Many Asian scholars are fierce proponents of gentle parenting, and positive disciplining and breaking gender norms.
While tradition is important for preserving culture, we also cannot turn a blind eye to the many harmful stereotypes that were propagated as a result of those traditions. Sexism, xenophobia, prejudice, bigotry, racial supremacy.
True change is with raising the next generation, not with anger or pride. But with empathy and patience.
Let’s give traditional Malaysian parenting a better reputation for our future generations, my fellow parents!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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