Every parent cares about the wellbeing of their children. From what to pack for their lunch to which college they should attend, parents only want the best for them.
One of the things to be concerned about in modern life is security and privacy. With everyone being online practically all the time, including kids, our personal life gets more and more exposed.
An area to be particularly informed about is child grooming.
What Is Child Grooming?
Child grooming is an act of building an emotional connection with a minor with the intention for sexual activity or abuse at a later time.
As the name suggests, it is a kind of preparation done by predators by way of befriending them, usually via social media. However, it can also happen face-to-face.
This preparation or grooming is done so the child may be tricked into thinking they are in a safe and normal relationship.
The child may not know what is happening and may feel subjected to the abuse without feeling like they have a choice.
Young people are often ‘groomed’ before they are sexually abused.
The predators will trick them into thinking they are in a safe and normal relationship. The victim may not know it is happening and will feel like they have no choice in the abuse.
It is a deliberate process done by the predators in secrecy to gradually initiating and maintaining sexual relationships with the child.
The Stages of Child Grooming
By knowing the stages and signs of child grooming, you can prevent the abuse from taking place or intervene if it is already happening.
The six stages of child grooming are as follows.
1. Targeting the Child for Grooming
The predator will first and foremost target the victim for grooming by assessing their emotional neediness and vulnerability. Other traits they look out for are victims in isolation and with low self-esteem.
The targeting can be done through social media platforms where they can view from afar and initiate the process privately.
2. The Bond
This is the stage where the predator will start gaining trust by watching and gathering information about the victim. This information will be used to make the victim feel safe and protected, when in fact, the opposite is true.
The predator may also try to gain the trust of parents or caregivers for an even more convincing relationship.
3. Filling A Need
Once they have gathered enough information about the victim, usually what the child needs, they will try to fill that need. It may usually be something that the child is ‘missing’, such as compliments, gifts, or companionship.
On top of that, they may also provide gifts in the form of coercion, such as with drugs and alcohol. Once the victim begins receiving what they perceived to be missing, they will start becoming dependant on the predator.
This is a crucial stage where it may involve breaking rules the victim’s caregivers have set. This thereby gives the predator the upper hand by having a secret with the victim, which they can later use as a threat.
4. Isolation/Separation
Once they have the secret relationship and trust from the victim, the predator will further develop the special relationship with the child. This is to create situations in which they are alone together.
The predator will aim to separate the victim from their caregiver emotionally and physically. Parents may not be aware of this situation if they do not keep the child in close contact at all times.
5. Sexualising the Relationship
Now that the relationship and dependency have been established, the predator will push the boundary and start normalising touch and sexualising the relationship.
Desensitisation will occur very slowly and the predator will portray these actions as innocent encounters at first. For example, ‘accidentally’ walking in on the child changing, or tickling and cuddling under a blanket.
The predator will assess and see how the child reacts gradually to see if they can push further. This eventually leads to exploiting and abusing the child sexually.
6. Maintaining Control/Reinforcement
Once the sexual exploitation and abuse have occurred, the predator will try to maintain the victim’s continued participation and secrecy by using affection, blame, threats, or even violence, depending on the relationship.
This is even more so if the child attempts to end or withdraw from the relationship.
Identify the Signs
Since the relationship between the predator and victim are often a secret, it may be hard for the caregiver to intervene.
However, as a caregiver, whether you are a parent, teacher, or a family member, there are signs that you can look out for to identify sexual grooming.
They may show signs such as:
- being regularly absent from school or other activities they usually attend to
- lying or being dishonest about where they have been and who they have been with
- evading questions about who they have developed a close connection with
- displaying mood changes, such as being more hostile, aggressive, impatient, withdrawn, and depressed
- talking about new friends that is not in the circles you know
- having excessive money or gifts that did not come from you
- using a new mobile phone that you did not get for them
- being very secretive about their mobile phone usage
If you suspect a sexual grooming is happening, you can make police reports at the station or online; such as on www.laporpredator.org.
We hope you find this information useful in preventing child grooming cases from taking place in the future.
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