Fathers are often the ones who are strict with the sons while mothers are the nurturing ones who would be more understanding. This may seem like something minor when sons are still young but as they grow up, this can lead them to grow distant from their dads as they can feel the lack of connection between them.
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Things Fathers Do That Push Sons Away
- Expecting their sons to be better than them
Fathers often want their sons to do just as good in life as them or even better. Sometimes fathers tend to forget that in order to do that, they’ll have to go through a lot of pain and obstacles. It’s important that dads remember children have yet to learn what you already did. The time they’ve spent on this world is nowhere near as long as you have, so be patient with your sons. Or else, you’ll push them away as they begin to feel pressured by your expectations.
- Being too critical
As children grow, they are still learning and this would be the time where they make the most mistakes in their life. If fathers are being too critical over every little mistake your sons make, your children would only end up constantly feeling like they’re not good enough. Compliment them for the things they do right, sometimes it’s the little things that matter.
- Living through son’s achievements
Yes, it can feel very good when your son wins games or ace his studies. There may come a point where you’ll feel the greed for it but don’t feel too disappointed when your son doesn’t win another game or ace another test. Humans are not perfect and your son cannot always succeed at what he does. You need to remember that it’s not about you but your son. If you’re only happy when he does well, he might feel like your love is only based on his performance.
- Being apathetic
Most fathers put work before anything else and that includes spending time with family or their sons. Children can be very easily pleased, even your smallest efforts taken to spend some quality time with them matter. For instance, coming home from a long day of work and playing with your son instead of being glued to the TV until bedtime. If you neglect these little efforts, your son may start to feel like he doesn’t really matter to you.
Things Fathers Can Do To Strengthen the Relationship
- Develop common interests
What’s a more effective method to get close to someone than finding your common interests? This applies to all relationships including the father-son relationship. A father may enjoy fishing while his son loves gaming, there’s no use in forcing one another to like what they don’t but instead find something you both like. They may both love watching football and bond over the hobby.
- Listen to your son
In general, men tend to have a problem with effective communication as they seem to have difficulty in expressing themselves with words. It’s good to listen without judgement and to put yourselves in their shoes. We’ve all been young before and we should empathise with how they feel the best. Sometimes, advice is not what your son is looking for but all he needs may just be someone to listen to him.
- Focus on the positive things
Even if your son did not manage to do too well in his recent tests, don’t make him feel any worse than he already does. Instead, encourage him to do better in the future and praise him for the effort you’ve seen him put into his studies. Remind him that life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, it’s good to learn from the mistakes we’ve made and move on.
- Make time for one-on-one activities
As much as it is important for family quality time, you could bond on a much deeper level if you spent quality time with your son alone. At least the mother isn’t there for your son’s as well as your own attention to be divided. Both of you will also tend to be more open to talk about things you don’t usually bring up in the presence of someone else.
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