It has become quite common to talk about FOMO, or fear of missing out, among mothers today.
But experiencing it first-hand can be depressing and gloomy. In my case, I’ve had FOMO ever since I was a teenager, however it kind of improved after I entered university and began working in an office setting.
However, when I decided to work remotely a few years ago, my FOMO began to resurface. I genuinely detest this feeling because it makes me feel incomplete. Thus, rather than succumbing to my FOMO, I try to find ways to deal with it.
Embracing JOMO, or Joy of Missing Out, is one strategy I’ve discovered to be particularly effective for dealing with FOMO. And this term, which was coined by Anil Dash, is the exact opposite of FOMO.
It is described as a feeling of contentment with one’s own pursuits and activities, without worrying over the possibility of missing out on what others may be doing. So, in a way, it’s about looking at the bright side of things.
I can tell you from personal experience that working remotely is a lonely endeavour. No more mingling with colleagues during lunch or in the pantry, fewer to no invitations to work functions, and having to work alone most of the time. It’s also upsetting to think that I’m always the one trying to stay in touch.
Nonetheless, it is the career path I have chosen for the time being, and I must focus on the positive aspects of it.
Although I may be missing out on some things, there are other things that I can cherish. Hence, here are some ways I embrace JOMO to stay sane and productive.
1. Know the dangers of FOMO
First off, I believe it’s crucial to understand how seriously FOMO can affect us mums. If you also experience FOMO, you should be aware of this. Understanding the dangers makes us more conscious of the consequences and why JOMO is significant.
According to PsychCentral, FOMO can hurt your overall health and wellness. For example, if you become overburdened with social engagements and activities to avoid FOMO, it can interfere with your sleep and eating patterns, resulting in:
- fatigue
- headaches
- lack of motivation
- performance issues at work or school
- burnout
FOMO can also cause anxiety or feelings of loneliness due to a cycle of self-critical thoughts such as:
- “What happens if I miss anything or don’t show up?”
- “Will people judge me for not attending the event?”
- “Will people think less of me because I don’t follow a particular trend?”
PsychCentral added that the constant cycle of worry and the pressure to keep up may eventually lead to depressive symptoms.
Being a mother of three young kids, I can’t let the fear of missing out gets to me because it will affect how I interact with my kids. It may cause me to become anxious and irritable, causing mum rage against them.
Recognising how serious the implications motivate me to get over FOMO.
2. Turn ‘Me Time’ into JOMO
I understand how difficult it is for some mothers to find time for themselves. I, too, struggle with it. But, whenever I feel like I’m going to miss out on something, I’ll take some time off to pamper myself. It does help to make me feel better.
There are plenty of activities that we mums can choose from to embrace JOMO. Which at the same time helps to forget about the worry of missing out. Personally, I enjoy going for a stroll in the park or binge-watching my favourite tv shows.
Or, I make a cup of hot chocolate, put on some soothing music, choose a novel, and savour my alone time.
Similarly, engaging in physical activity, yoga, and meditation can also improve mood and behaviour. Be sure to plan your day in advance and eliminate any activities that involve scrolling through social media. It will also be helpful if you have a to-do list of what you wish to accomplish for JOMO.
Believe me when I say that when you have useful activities scheduled, you will not be tempted to go on social media or think about trivial matters.
3. Disconnect From Social Media
There’s no other way to put it, but social media is one of the biggest culprits that cause FOMO. Hence, the easiest way to observe JOMO is to spend less time on social media.
Even though it may seem challenging at first, it is possible to accomplish this with the right mindset and strategy. For starters, I try not to look at my phone first thing in the morning.
I have to admit that gazing at social media feeds contributes significantly to my FOMO. Especially when I see friends or relatives hanging out with their mummy friends. One thing that I no longer get to enjoy that much since working from home. Worse, I rarely get calls from old friends asking about how I’m doing.
Therefore, if you, like me, have a habit of scrolling through social media platforms like Facebook or Instagram, then begin to feel lonely. Or feeling low from looking at other people’s posts, which can be detrimental, it’s time to tone down your social media usage.
4. Stop Comparing Myself to Other People
This is easier said than done when all I can remember from my upbringing is being compared to other people. Whether it’s my siblings, cousins, family friends, or even strangers on TV. I’m not going to lie: I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to other people. This makes me feel worthless and inferior to people who have a better life.
In some ways, comparison can be beneficial because it motivates me to strive for greater success. But occasionally, it can also result in self-sabotage. Because there are moments when I’m trying to live up to an unattainable standard or pursue the ambition of someone else.
I imagine many mothers experience pressure to not only achieve financial stability but also to be the best moms possible, to look beautiful, and to travel the world.
But does it make sense to pursue everything while jeopardising your emotional and physical well-being? That is the question I now ask myself whenever I start comparing myself to other women.
I also discovered some sound advice: instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself in the past or to the person you want to become. This can assist you in becoming more conscious of your own ideas and aspirations, as well as removing any self-hating rhetoric.
5. Discover JOMO by Saying ‘No’
FOMO can also make us feel obligated to accept all invitations and offers of assistance. I, too, was caught wanting to say “yes” to everything I was invited to, even though deep down I didn’t want to go. All because I don’t want to miss out on anything that may be going on there.
This may also occur in the workplace. It’s when you could feel as though you can’t afford to pass up any chances to challenge yourself or showcase your abilities. However, saying yes to everything can be exhausting. It can even deplete your energy and make you less productive.
I came to realise that FOMO can not only be time-consuming, but it can also cause us to fall apart and be unsure of what to do. So, practise saying no without feeling guilty or afraid. Choose only what is required or enjoyable.
On the bright side, less FOMO equals more JOMO. And incorporating more JOMO into your life will provide you with numerous advantages such as greater serenity, happiness, and enjoyment.
6. Be More Mindful
Slowing down and focusing more on the present are two ways to transform FOMO into JOMO. Think about how you are spending your time and how it makes you feel. Ask yourself if what you’re doing makes you happy or if you’re worried about missing out.
When you can distinguish between the two factors, you will know which activities are most satisfying for you. Also, you should choose to be more present in your life and become more aware of your emotional and physical needs.
This is about incorporating everyday mindfulness practise. Like me, the majority of the time, after a taxing motherhood moment, I just want to be alone myself and avoid social interaction.
I’d rather take the time to relax and unwind. Mindfulness meditation is one of the best strategies to get that still mind. Here’s how mindful.org suggests doing it:
- 1) Take a seat where it feels calm and quiet.
- 2) Set a time limit, such as five or 10 minutes.
- 3) Sit however you want to, but make sure you’re stable and in a posture that you’ll be able to stay in for a while.
- 4) Follow the sensation of your breath as it goes in and as it goes out.
- 5) Notice when your mind has wandered and simply return your attention to the breath.
- 6) Don’t pass judgement on yourself or dwell over the content of your thoughts. Just come back.
- 7) Lift your gaze gently when you’re ready (if your eyes are closed, open them). Take a moment and notice any sounds in the environment and how your body is feeling. Also, take note of your thoughts and emotions.
With practise, this mindfulness technique will get easier, and you will be more at ease with everything that is going on around you.
Opt for JOMO over FOMO, Always
At the end of the day, keep in mind that your physical and emotional well-being—basically, the whole YOU—matter most. Don’t let FOMO dictate your life; it can harm you and have an impact on those close to you, such as your children.
There are many good reasons to embrace JOMO. Healthier Tech lists some advantages, such as a chance to get back in touch with nature, a chance to feel better about yourself, more dynamic relationships, and better sleep.
Therefore, the next time you feel like you might be missing out, swiftly introduce more JOMO into your life, alright moms? We’re all in this together, so don’t feel alienated. 😉
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