Growing up my parents have always encouraged my siblings and me to maintain close relationships with our cousins.
My parents would take us to their houses or we would meet up when we were back at our grandparents’ house.
Altogether I have 10 cousins on my mother’s side and 23 cousins on my father’s side.
And I know every single one of them: their names, ages, what they do, and how many kids they have.
Even though I spent the majority of my teenage years living abroad, I never lost touch with my cousins.
Whenever I returned, I made an effort to hang out with them.
My parents always took us to visit cousins and other close relatives whenever we come back to the country.
I admire how well my father knows his extended family, including relatives from my mother’s side.
He made a concerted effort to get to know everyone and stay in touch.
I have some close cousins with whom I will always hang out despite our busy schedules and living in different states.
I’ve also encouraged my children to do the same.
They don’t have many cousins yet, only three on my side who live abroad, but they are close.
Since I’m close to my cousins, my kids enjoy spending time with their children (second cousins) whenever we get together.
I believe cousins should have a special place in our hearts. Do you?
Come along with me as I describe how unique cousin relationships can be and its benefits.
And how I help my children be close with theirs.
Why Bonding with Cousins Is Beneficial
For me, cousins are very much like siblings.
In July 2022, we held an open house at my parents’ for Aidil Adha—also because my brother and his family were back for the summer holiday.
We had cousins from all over who came to spend the day with us.
They were helping us with the cooking, laughing like there was no tomorrow, and simply enjoying each other’s company.
We cousins aren’t just close for happy occasions either.
When my grandfather, my mum’s father, died, I distinctly remember how my siblings and I, as well as our cousins, grieved together.
We were the ones who cleaned up our grandparents’ house, prepared all of the necessary items, and assisted with the funeral.
Then, we cried on each other’s shoulders, recalling our grandfather’s great memories.
We still reminisced about it till today, even though the sad event occurred more than ten years ago. *As I recall this, tears well up in my eyes :’)
Apart from my story, here are some of the reasons why cousin relationships are important, as stated by Blavity.
- Cousins can serve as replacement siblings for those who do not have other siblings or as extra brothers and sisters for those who do.
- You can share things you don’t want to share with other people, and cousins can help you get through it
- They provide extra love and support when you lose some of your closest family members.
- They can make your life more interesting, and a phone call can already make you feel better.
- If you need assistance getting out of a tight situation, your cousins will be there for you. They can keep your secret and assist you when you’re in trouble.
- Cousins are for life. Even if they live across the country, have a large corporate job, or haven’t seen them in a few years.
- You and your cousins will always understand your dysfunctional family dynamics.
How I Encourage Cousin Bonding in My Children
My children and their cousins live far apart and don’t see each other very often because my brother works abroad.
However, we make certain that our children bond and that when they meet, it’s as if they’ve never been apart.
They’ll play together, eat together, and generally create mayhem from morning to night. It’s a lot of fun to watch!
So, how do we ensure that they don’t lose contact?
Video Calls with Cousins Often
We make use of technology to stay in touch.
Although life can be hectic for us adults, we believe it is important to allow our children to communicate with one another.
We would video call at least once every month so they could keep each other updated on what was going on.
They have a lot of fun showing off each other’s toys. They may become shy or unwilling to speak at times, but we parents will persuade them, even if only for five minutes.
That bond is strong enough that even though they live apart and only see each other every two years, they don’t feel like strangers.
Make Birthday Wishes
Yes, they have to celebrate birthdays away from each other, but for every birthday, the kids will record themselves singing the birthday song.
Nevertheless, if their cousins happened to be in Malaysia during one of my kids’ birthdays, they would have had a blast birthday party together.
I’ve even planned with my kids to celebrate their cousins’ birthdays belatedly when they return.
The dates don’t matter that much anymore, it’s the celebration that counts.
Seeing how happy my nephews and niece are when they get to celebrate their birthdays here with the rest of the family is just priceless.
Take Holiday Trips Together
We will always have family holiday trips planned when my brother comes back.
We’d spend several days on an island, near a beach, or anywhere our kids could hang out and bond.
We took a trip to Perhentian Island in July 2022, and the kids had a great time riding on the ferry and boat together, building sand castles, watching a fire show, and doing a variety of other activities.
We want to create as many memories for them as possible.
That’s exactly how I remember spending my childhood vacations with my cousins.
Those are some of the main things we do since me and my brother don’t live nearby.
The options are kind of limited, but we’re proud that our kids can still bond and be close.
Teach Kids to Treasure Their Extended Family
I really like this quote I found,
“It is through our extended family that we first learn to compromise and come to an understanding that even if we don’t always agree about things we can still love and look out for each other.”
It shows how meaningful it is to maintain relationships with not only cousins but also other extended family members.
It’s probably difficult to know them all, but it’s through our elders that we learn about them and keep in touch.
I’m fortunate to still have three of my grandparents and my parents, whom I always ask about our family history.
And I am extremely grateful that my parents taught me to value family bonds, even with extended family.
This is exactly what I want to pass down to my children.
I always remind them to talk to their grandparents and great-grandparents so they don’t lose touch with their roots.
And to ensure they can appreciate family bonds fuller. <3
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