Wow, I can’t believe that we are already almost to the end of Ramadan! Isn’t it amazing how quickly time passes? It seemed like only yesterday that my children were talking about fasting, and I was struggling to get them to bed earlier than usual so they could wake up for sahur!
Like many Muslim parents, I was unsure when I should begin teaching my children to fast. I read online that some parents even start their children fasting at the age of five, albeit not entirely. For me, I began training my daughter at the age of seven, when I was confident that she was ready. I believe this is the appropriate age, neither too soon nor too late.
These are some of the factors I consider when determining whether my children are ready to fast:
- Started talking/asking about fasting
- Mentioned wanting to try fasting
- Could wake up for sahur
- Able to fast for at least half a day as a first-timer
- Feeling upset when unable to fast together
Keep in mind, however, that it is entirely up to the children whether or not they can cope. Some might be able to start as young as 5 years old, while others would have to wait until they’re 8 or 9 years old, or even later.
But, in my opinion, they won’t know if they’re ready until they try. What matters is that they receive motivation and encouragement from us parents to keep going while fasting.
Responsibilities as Muslim Parents
As a Muslim parent, I am well aware that I am responsible for more than simply my children’s physical and financial wellbeing. It is also my duty to train and mould my children into good Muslims by fostering their emotional and spiritual developments.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The best thing a father provide to his child is good manners and ethical training.”
Just as I must teach my children how to pray, I must also educate them on the meaning, purpose, and etiquette of fasting. Of course, fasting during Ramadan is the best time to introduce my children to the third pillar of Islam.
Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq, an 8th-century Muslim scholar, says: “When a child is six years old, then it is necessary he learns to offer prayers and if he is physically capable he must also be encouraged to fast during the month of Ramadhan.
I strongly feel that fasting is an important value to instil in my kids, which is why I decided to begin training them at a young age. The spirit of fasting should be ingrained in children so that when they reach the age where they are required to fast, it becomes natural and easy for them to do so.
How we teach and educate them about fasting during Ramadan is also crucial in helping them understand and appreciate everything about it. That is why we must explain the significance of the fast and guide them as they begin fasting.
Encouraging Young Children to Begin Fasting
After learning to fast the previous two Ramadans, I noticed that my 9-year-old daughter is not as grumpy or a complainer this year. Although she has a new habit of asking how many hours to go until it is time to break the fast—every time I pick her up from school. I feel bad but also find it adorable each time she asks that with her furrowed brows.
It wasn’t easy to get her to fast the first time because her little body isn’t used to not eating for long hours. So, besides offering her the flexibility to break her fast whenever she becomes too hungry to continue, we would reward her for her willingness to fast. Her grandparents also play a role in her training by rewarding her with extra duit raya for fasting.
Every year, I make it a norm to ask my daughter what she wanted for sahur and iftar. Knowing she gets to choose her menu actually helps to motivate and excite her to fast. On days when I can’t give her what she wants, we’ll make a compromise while still trying to keep her happy and satisfied.
As for her reward, during the first two Ramadans, we would give our little princess a present during Eid to show her how proud we are. This year, I wanted to try something new, so I made the Ramadan Calendar, in which she will be rewarded daily. Just some simple rewards to get her enthused about fasting during this holy month.
This Ramadan, I also focused more on the true reward from Allah S.W.T. as my daughter is beginning to grasp the concept of ‘pahala‘. I wanted her to understand that this is a month where we can cleanse and purify our souls and grow closer to our Creator by putting in as many good deeds as possible. We will also discuss the special night of Laylat-al-Qadr and how we should make the most of the last 10 days of Ramadan.
To be honest, no matter what we try to introduce or teach our children, I always remind myself and my spouse to do so gently. In this regard, I want them to understand the underlying meaning of fasting as well as the significance of the holy month of Ramadan. Rather than starving themselves because they don’t want to be left out or are afraid of being scolded.
Nurture Kids Fasting with Patience, Not Force
When my daughter first started fasting, she only fasted for half a day, then three quarters of the day, and finally a full day when she was ready. I intended to do the same with my 7-year-old son this year, but he isn’t quite ready yet. Despite going to sleep early, he still couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed for sahur.
I refrain myself from forcing him because I wanted him to understand that it’s okay to not fast if he can’t wake up for sahur. At the same time, I get to show both of my children the significance of sahur if one wishes to fast. As a parent, I must admit that I am a little disappointed that I wasn’t able to train my son as fast, but I managed to stay positive and still allow him to open his daily reward (of course with the approval of his sister, so that it is fair on her).
Nonetheless, there are a few days when he will try to fast and not eat anything until I pick him up from school at 3 p.m. I was really moved by his efforts. Even when he wasn’t fasting, he’d tell me that he ate in secret at school because some of his friends were. Bless his heart. I’m also glad that their school plays a role in teaching children to fast. Although students are encouraged to fast, those who do not are permitted to eat (just not in front of their classmates).
Finally, as parents, we should teach our children how to fast in a pleasant and enjoyable way as much as possible. If we are too harsh on them, if we lack patience, and if we force the children when they are not ready, it may have an emotional and spiritual impact on them. Never lose sight of our responsibility, and remember that we want our children to have meaningful connections with the Islamic faith and religious activities, not the opposite.
Motherhood Story wishes all our Muslim readers a blessed Ramadan!
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