When two people decide to get a divorce, it seems like everything only revolves around both of them. Some parents tend to forget about the children or even consider how they feel about their parents’ separation. Here are the stories of Yvonne and Nicole growing up with divorced parents and how they personally felt about it.
Yvonne Ooi, 23
I was 7 years old back then when my parents got divorced. Actually, I knew they had plans to do so before they even needed to tell me about it. I remember they would always fight and it involved them hitting each other, which scared me a lot as a child. My dad used to work in Ipoh while I stayed with my mum and little brother in Kedah. At first, he would come home every week, then it slowly became once a month and then he just stopped coming home. I actually felt more relieved than sad knowing they’re separating because I just got so used to seeing them fighting that I had forgotten what it’s like to have happy and loving parents. I was under my dad’s custody because my mother wasn’t working at that time. She thought it’d be best for us as I was 7 years old and my little brother was only 4 years old.
I wouldn’t say I’m more connected to my dad just because I’m under his custody. That’s because my dad has his own life since he remarried. Because of that, he might not spend as much time with us because he’s more focused on building his own relationship with his partner. Whereas my mum and I are like best friends. I can tell her anything and she even gives me relationship advice. Though she’s not living with me, I make sure that she’s aware of everything that’s going on in my life. I usually only get to meet my mum for twice a year because she stays in Kedah while I’m studying in KL. It is quite difficult finding time to meet her often unless I’m on a semester break or if it’s Chinese New Year.
I’m really grateful to have my brother with me, we’re both under my dad’s custody. It definitely made things easier for me as he went through all of this with me. We really care about and love each other because we only have each other to rely on. I didn’t bother wondering what it’d be like if my parents were still together because I like the way things are now. I can’t even imagine or recall my parents being together as all I can remember is both of them fighting. Even when I look back at our old family photos, it felt extremely weird to see that they were once so in love with each other. I think that divorce is for the better because it’s really traumatising to witness your parents hitting each other at such a young age. So I personally think it’s good that they’re no longer together.
Nicole Ng, 22
I was 3 years old when they got divorced. This may sound very stupid of me but I actually didn’t know about any divorce. To be fair, I don’t even remember at what age I was when I found out about the divorce. All that time, I only thought that I have a father and no mother. To me, my two aunts and my grandmother are my mothers. I didn’t realise anything. To be honest, until today, I don’t even remember what was happening back then.
I was under my father’s custody after their separation. I do feel more connected to my father, whom I live with. My father is the one who raised me, the one who showered me with the most love my entire life. Meanwhile, the relationship with my mother is more like a friendship than an actual mother-daughter relationship. We usually only meet up for twice a year.
I am a single child; my parents never had a chance to create another child. I got so used to the idea of being a single child, so I don’t think I would want to have a sibling. But to be frank, I think it’s better that I’m the only one who had to go through it and there’s not another victim. I don’t think about what it’s like if my parents were still together because it wouldn’t do me any good. To be very honest, I think it’s better to live in reality than to daydream. I would say that the separation between my parents was definitely for the better. Or better yet, they shouldn’t have gotten together in the first place at all. That would have saved all 3 of us from a lot of pain.
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