Our marriage life always entail the issue of having children. Even if you and your spouse are not having any ideas yet, everyone around you will start probing you with questions like:
When are you going to have babies?
How many babies do both of you plan to have?
If you think the questions stops after giving birth to your first child, you might need to think again. Right after the labour, even when you are still in the hospital, some people might start asking you questions like:
When are you going to have another one?
Don’t you want your first born to have a sibling to play and talk to? Children need company.
Never expect that starting a family could put us into such a dilemma.
To have one child or to have more than one?
It really depends on you and your spouse.
Are you financially, mentally and physically prepared to raise more than one child?
Do you have other life priorities besides your family?
Or more importantly, what’s your picture of an ideal family?
If you are still uncertain, read on to find out more about the pros and cons of having one child and more than one.
Pros of Having a Single Child
#1 You are less financially and physically burdened.
If you are planning to start a family now, you need to know the true costs of raising a child in Malaysia.
Totaling up from delivery costs, schooling costs and university fees, you will need around RM 400,000 and RM 1.1 million.
So, it’s pretty obvious that having a single child would really make your responsibility of bringing home the bacon less stressful.
You will find it easier to save for your child’s tertiary education, too.
On top of this, having a single child would be less physically demanding as you will only need to deal with one child whenever he/she is throwing tantrums or having meltdowns.
#2 You get to develop a stronger bond with your child
While getting all your attention, you will have the opportunity to spend enough time with your single child.
You will get to know your child better where you are more attuned to his individual emotional needs. This indeed helps create a stronger bond between you and your child.
While talking and discussing about his challenges with an adult like you, he will be able to get better life prospects besides knowing that he has a support system which will stay with him through the ages.
And since you spend more time teaching your child to be independent, your child will be able to develop higher self-confidence and belief in their own abilities.
#3 More support and encouragement for your child
Since comparison among siblings seems to be unavoidable in multi-children families, would we stop comparing if we only have one child?
Yes, we would less likely to compare if we only have one child. Instead of condemning the child, we would be delighted by every good grade and certificate that our child receives.
Your child is not expected to live up to the standards of older siblings, since there isn’t any prior achievement to be compared with.
If you still find yourself falling into the trap of comparing, you can try out this simple questioning technique to change your mindset.
Cons of Having a Single Child
#1 You might spoil or pamper your child.
As parents, we always strive to provide our children the best. As we only have one child, we are more likely to lavish our love, attention and resources on our child.
While our only child gets all the love and affection from us, he might develop an attitude where he feels the world revolves around him. Eventually, he would tend to take things for granted and feel entitled in every aspect of life.
To avoid such occurrence, you need to set limits and teach him about delayed gratifications just as you would if you have two children. Just don’t overindulge your only child.
#2: You child has no one to share thoughts with except you.
All of us have stressful events and issues which we can’t share them with our parents.
So, we would usually end up sharing with our siblings to relieve our stress or look for other alternatives to resolve the issues.
However, your only child would have no other reliable family members to share their problems with except you.
At times like these, he/she might feel lonely and helpless. Not only that they do not have any sibling to play with regularly, they also don’t have any siblings with whom they can share their thoughts and memories with.
This can be difficult for your only child.
However, you can resolve this issue by helping your child to forge friendships during regular play-dates, preschool and talent classes.
#3: Both you and your single child might get too attached to each other.
While developing closer relationship with your only child, you need to be aware of parental involvement.
Your only child may get bored with your involvement if you keep on intervening into his school and personal life.
Thus, instead of being overprotective, give your child some autonomy to make decisions. This will help maintain your close relationship while giving your child some personal space.
Pros of Having More Than One Child
#1: Your children can have more people to rely on.
Those who have siblings would understand the love-hate relationship among siblings. You can be extremely upset with your sister and be overwhelmingly grateful to have her when she rushes to you whenever you’re in trouble.
Besides looking after each other, your children will always have their siblings to support and protect them. Even long after you’re gone, the siblings will still be able to back up one another for the rest of their lives.
#2: More hands to share your household burden. Hurray!
You may start a bit harder than raising one child, but eventually you will realise how time-saving household chores can be if you have more hands to chip in.
Especially when your children are mature and capable enough to do most of the household chores.
Why am I so certain about this?
It was from my mum. She mentioned that it was quite exhausting and frustrating to raise three children who’re close in age gap, but it all paid off after we have grown up.
She has more hands to help her in cooking, tidying up and more importantly, more love to receive from each of her three children.
#2: Your children are able to develop social skills better and faster.
Though siblings often fight and sometimes insist that they dislike each other, they would eventually become the strongest ally and a trusted partner for one other.
Here’s why.
By having at least one sibling, your children can learn to develop positive relationship with others. They will learn how to listen more effectively and start a conversation.
They are more capable of resolving conflict in the future based on their prior experiences dealing with their siblings.
Cons Of Having More Than One Child
#1: You might be more financially and physically burdened.
Having more than one child is doubling your cost living, especially if you are having two children who’re close in age.
You need to double up on their schooling fee and buying children necessities such as nappies and school uniforms at the same time. This can certainly take a bite out of your wallet.
Not only that, it is even more stressful when you have to spare more energy on looking after your children.
While juggling your career, you also need to monitor your children’s homework and complete the household chores.
Not to miss those quarrels and fights among your children. You also need to help mediate after the siblings have hurt each other’s feelings.
#2: Your first child might feel left out.
When a second baby joins the family, it is inevitable for some children to feel left out. They need some time to make the transition from being the only child to an older sibling.
This situation can be worsened when you need to spend more time and care to look after your second baby. Within the limited hours per day, you will have lesser time to focus on each child individually.
As a result, your first child might experience sibling rivalry or jealousy. He may start to compete for your attention.
Instead of scolding your first child for being inconsiderate, explain to him patiently and ask for his understanding for the time being.
The Happiness of Your Family Does Not Lie in Numbers
It’s now on you and your spouse whether to have only one child or more than one children. There’s nothing wrong in deciding on either one.
What matters more is that your family is always filled with joy and happiness. And this is not solely dependent on how many children you have.
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