Being smart is important, but being smart with your emotions is even more so, especially in this stressful, fast-paced world.
It is so easy to get triggered by what we see on the TV or by what others say. Many of the people we meet can also be manipulative, toxic and cruel.
Dealing with these kinds of individuals, aside from your own negative inclinations, can help you get ahead in life.
If you want your child to be better at managing their own moods and reactions, try cultivating their emotional intelligence.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
You’ve probably heard of IQ or intelligence quotient, which basically shows you how smart you are from the results of special tests.
The results indicate how well you use your mind to solve problems, find patterns, make predications and process information.
But there is also EQ, or emotional quotient, which indicates your emotional intelligence; how well you manage yours and others emotions.
Each person has varying levels of EQ and IQ, and both can be trained and perfected with practice.
Having a child with a high IQ may mean that they could be a prodigy or ‘genius‘.
But having one with high EQ may actually be more important for their holistic success as a human being.
One of the keys to raising a well-rounded child is to develop their empathy, mental resilience and emotional stability.
Benefits of Emotional Intelligence
There are many benefits of having strong emotional intelligence.
High emotional intelligence is strongly correlated with happiness, success and mental resilience.
Children who have high emotional intelligence do better in school, have more friends, and excel in their academics.
Adults with strong control over their emotional responses are also more likely to be respected in their line of work, and are less likely to be manipulated.
This sets a strong precedent for a fulfilling, purposeful life where all your needs can be met more easily, especially when you know exactly what you want.
You are also less likely to experience emotional disturbances like depression and anxiety.
Basics of Emotional Intelligence
Cultivating emotional intelligence generally involves five principles or traits: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills.
- Self-Awareness: Helping children understand their own emotions is a good foundation for any attempt at developing their emotional intelligence. This includes recognising emotions, labelling them, identifying triggers, and understanding the consequences of emotional responses.
- Self-Regulation: Emotions are such visceral and instinctual aspects of being human that we often don’t realise they’re coming until they bubble to the surface like a volcano, often in hurtful and unexpected ways. Therefore, it’s important to teach kids to regulate their emotions so they can grow into well-adjusted adults.
- Empathy: Empathy is the backbone of emotional intelligence. Being able to put yourself into another’s shoes helps you give the appropriate emotional responses when required. This is a valuable skill to teach your little one.
- Motivation: We humans are driven by both internal and external forces. Motivation can be as complex as the people who have them. Children being individuals with simple needs and wants, can have very basic motivations. But it is still important for you to teach them how to identify their motivations.
- Social Skills: Emotions are an essential aspect of socializing; they can either impede or assist interpersonal communication. So, managing emotions during social interaction is important in forming, developing and maintaining relationships, both formal and informal.
6 Tips to Help Boost Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence
Validate Their Emotions
So the first step to teaching your child about how to control their emotions is to validate them, even the most insignificant ones.
Acknowledge whatever your child is feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, frustration or any other negative emotion.
They may not want to talk about it, so you must be proactive.
Keep Calm
Children are little parrots who more than occasionally mimic their parents quirks and shortcomings.
If you have intense overreactions to small things, chances are they will follow in your footsteps.
So, if you want them to have positive emotional responses to negative situations, practice some restraint.
Don’t argue, swear or raise your voice. Children absorb your traits more than you know.
Don’t React for Them
Some parents may sometimes overreact to situations that their kids are absolutely fine with.
This creates a pattern that your kids can learn from – where the smallest things are blown out of proportion.
The goal is to help them manage emotional responses, not to overreact.
If your kid falls down, for instance, wait until they react.
If it’s painful enough to warrant a crying fit, then it’s likely serious.
Don’t train your kids to use their emotions to manipulate or blackmail you. Some kids may fake injuries just to make you feel guilty or get your attention.
Help Them Articulate
Helping your toddler put their emotions into words can help them understand themselves better.
One of the more popular ways of being self-aware of your emotions is ‘labelling’.
This involves identifying the emotion, understanding why it manifested, what triggered it and how you can cope with it.
It may help to develop an emotional vocabulary so that your child may be able to put a finger on what they’re feeling so that they know what to do the next time a similar emotion resurfaces.
Cultivate Some Empathy
Children can sometimes be oblivious to emotional cues.
Help your child to pick up on and understand on other people’s emotional states.
Point out facial expressions, tone of voice, body language and other non-verbal indications of emotion.
You should also occasionally encourage them to to ‘read’ a room before displaying an emotional response.
For example, laughing during a funeral is generally frowned upon, and throwing a tantrum at a birthday party will ruin everyone else’s mood.
Teach Them Self-Regulation Techniques
Emotional self-regulation typically involves four other processes: perception, expression, comprehension, and regulation.
The trick with emotional regulation is to detect the stirrings of an emotion before it takes over, so you can catch yourself before giving in to any negative reactions.
So, the first reaction you should train your child to have when they feel a negative emotion is to pause.
Then, they should think about what emotion they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it.
They should then ideally express that emotion using their words instead of crying, screaming, hitting, etc.
Finally, if the emotion is too much, they should be allowed to leave the room to process what they feel.
A good way to help them keep calm during intense situations is to take long, deep breaths.
Conclusion
Cultivating emotional intelligence is not an overnight endeavour. It is a long and constant dedication and oftentimes also a lifetime pursuit.
However, there are a few fundamentals that can help get the ball rolling and will serve as foundational skills that will grow as you grow.
As a general rule of thumb, if you yourself have low emotional intelligence, any effort into instilling the trait into your child may be fruitless.
If you don’t control your own emotional reactions, it will more often than not reflect on your child.
So, while these exercises are more targeted towards children, it can prove useful for individuals of all ages, even full-grown adults.
Hence, you may consider giving them a try first before passing them on to your children.
After all, the most basic principles of parenting is to lead by example.
You’ve got this, parents!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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