This article has been medically reviewed by Dr. Azrai – Consultant in Obstetrics, Gynecology & Reproductive UKM Medical Centre.
Penetration has always been associated with a pleasurable painful feeling, especially when it’s your first time.
However, little did I know it isn’t supposed to hurt that much!
I have always looked forward to a pleasurable sexy time with my husband, but I can’t seem to enjoy it as all I feel is pain.
To my surprise, there is a condition for this called vaginismus. It is a condition where the vagina would suddenly and involuntarily tighten up when you try to insert something into it.
Vaginismus may cause a woman to feel an immeasurable amount of pain that makes penetration painful or impossible.
There are different types of vaginismus and women with this condition will experience different levels of pain. Some might be able to insert fingers inside while some might not even be able to insert one full finger inside.
What Are the Symptoms of Vaginismus?
At first, I thought it was painful because of the stereotype that women will feel pain when it’s their first time having sex.
The pain did not stop for me though. I started asking my friends if they experienced the same thing but according to them, even if the pain was there, they did not feel the type of pain I was describing to them.
This pushed me to seek professional help and ask my doctor if there was something wrong with my body.
When my doctor told me that this condition is normal and curable, I basically squealed in happiness because there’s hope.
Here are some of the symptoms of vaginismus:
- Painful intercourse with burning sensations
- Difficulty in being penetrated
- Difficulty/pain when inserting tampon
- Pain during gynaecological examinations
- Muscle spasm in the pelvis area
Before we get to how we can cure this, it is important to recognise why this is happening to our bodies.
Where Did Vaginismus Come From?
Although there is no exact reason as to why one has vaginismus, there are several different things, physically and emotionally, that are linked to vaginismus.
I have talked to several different survivors of vaginismus and if there is one sentence that is used by every single one of them, it is “you have to relax and don’t be afraid.”
See, even if vaginismus is a physical condition, it can also be affected by your emotions:
- Traumatic life events
- Fear (of pain or of your partner)
- The portrayal of sex in a bad light
If you don’t have any of those emotional triggers, you might have the physical triggers:
- Childbirth
- Pelvic surgery/injury
- Lack of lubrication
- Menopause
I know how frustrating having this condition is as I am experiencing it myself, so, here I am to share with you the good news: vaginismus is curable!
How To Treat Vaginismus?
Sex should be enjoyable for both parties, ladies. We should be having fun, too! There are many different methods you can use to help cure vaginismus.
The most important thing is for you to talk to your partner so they understand why you’ve been avoiding sex, or your sexual desire is decreasing, or simply to understand that your pain is not your fault.
Once you have your partner’s understanding, you can start exploring different methods to help the both of you enjoy sex.
Please consult your doctor before you proceed to try these methods:
Sex education, therapy, and counselling
Get to know your body. Find the spots that will help you relax more.
Once you and your partner understand and explore your body, you will start to identify the places that trigger your pelvis muscle to tighten up.
Relaxation therapy
One of the best ways that have helped me, personally, is the breathing technique.
You have to learn how to relax your muscles as you breathe and control your body. Some doctors might suggest you take muscle relaxants.
Vaginal dilators
These dilators come in different sizes. You would need to spice up your night and have the dilators by your side. Start with the smallest size and insert it slowly in your vagina and leave it there for as long as your doctor recommends.
Now, ladies, if you have any concerns about vaginismus you can straight away make an appointment with your doctor to ensure you get the right treatment.
It is very rare that vaginismus needs to be treated surgically and the time it takes to cure vaginismus varies from one individual to another.
Don’t rush and have fun on this journey, ladies! I’m right here with you.
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