No two parents are equally alike; not in their mannerisms, experience and most definitely not in their parenting.
But as unique as each parent is in how they choose to raise their children, there are some glaring similarities that cannot be denied.
One research, for instance, found that parenting styles can generally be categorised into one of four: authoritarian, neglectful, permissive, and authoritative.
These styles generally fit into a spectrum or rather a quadrant constituting of four main criteria that define the traits of each extreme.
These criteria are warm, cold, open and closed.
Read on to find out what parenting style you may fall into and what you can do to improve.
Authoritarian
On the top of the list we have authoritarian parenting style; which values control and discipline.
In an authoritarian household, the parents are the strict, tyrannical overlords, their word is law.
They dictate what their child can and cannot do and they expect complete and utter obedience.
If you were raised by authoritarian parents, you were likely not be allowed to express your emotions, opinions or thoughts.
Or if you did, they were either ignored or overruled. Corporal punishments may also be the norm.
The child may not have much or any freedom, and every action they take is decided for them.
Children who grew up in this way will likely grow up to be adults who do not know what they want in life.
They may have low self-esteem and may be more prone to pursuing unhealthy and toxic relationships.
If you are guilty of this parenting style, it’s time to consider loosening the reigns and let your child express and experience their own autonomy and identity.
Neglectful
Next, we have neglectful or uninvolved parenting style; which is thought of as the lack of a parenting style and more of a consequence of bad parents.
Parents who are guilty of this ‘style’ have no parenting philosophy.
They may provide everything for their child’s physical and educational needs, but may not be invested in caring for the child’s emotional needs such as giving them adequate affection or attention.
Neglectful parenting can also be the result of an unstable home life, substance abuse, overwork, poverty, criminal activity, etc. Anything that may prevent a parent from being fully present in their child’s life.
Children who grow up with neglectful parents are at higher risk of becoming delinquents and criminals.
They may look for belonging and purpose in bad places and bad people.
If you are guilty of this parenting style, it’s time to be more present in your child’s life and to give them the love they need.
Permissive
With permissive parenting, the child is spoiled and coddled. This type of parenting values freedom, fun and leniency.
A child is allowed to do anything with little to no accountability or consequence for their actions.
Unfortunately, this often results in a badly behaved child with poor emotional regulation and no respect for authority.
They may often even abuse or physically hurt their parents if their impulses and whims are not met immediately.
In a permissive parenting household, the child is the boss, and anything the child wants or says goes.
This kind of parenting tends to result in narcissistic and entitled adults with very little regard or empathy for others.
Parents who are guilty of this parenting style need to be more strict with their kids and enforce rules to control their behaviour. Your child needs to know who’s boss.
Over-Involved
The extreme opposite of the neglectful parenting style, the overinvolved or ‘helicopter parent‘ is 110% percent invested in their children’s lives. Almost to the point of obsession.
When you think of a helicopter hovering in the air, that’s exactly what overinvolved parents do.
They may follow their kids’ social media accounts, keep tabs on them through GPS phone trackers, call them multiple times a day, and even puppeteer situations behind the scenes to ensure their child’s success and happiness.
Also known as the ‘snowplow’ parent, which is similar to the permissive parent, helicopter parents are also guilty of being ‘obstacle removers’.
While they may be free to pursue their interests, the child has few opportunities to solve their own problems or learn from their mistakes.
Because the helicopter parent always swoops in to save the day.
Children who grow up with helicopter parents may have trouble being independent, and they may form unhealthy attachments with their parents which may jeopardise their romantic relationships.
Parents who are guilty of this parenting style needs to establish some distance to allow their children to allow to make mistakes and solve their own problems.
Authoritative
Possibly the best parenting style you can adopt, authoritative parenting values balance, encouragement and positivity.
Often confused with authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting does not involve cruel and heartless punishments or criticisms.
Instead, it focuses on allowing freedom within reasonable limits and expectations.
Children raised in authoritative households are taught independence, healthy communication, and positive discipline.
They are encouraged to find their own solutions but are not left to their own devices either.
Parents are involved but not obsessively attached to their children’s lives.
Children who grow up with authoritative parents have a much higher chance of becoming successful and happy adults.
They become self-reliant, emotionally secure and can form healthy relationships with people.
More parents should use this parenting style because it teaches your kids to be socially accepted but to also respect their own autonomy and individuality.
Choosing the Best Parenting Style
At this point, you probably know what’s the best parenting style to adopt so you can have well-adjusted children.
If you find that you fit into the first four parenting styles, then you may find it beneficial to your kids’ wellbeing that you change your methods.
It’s important to remember that we’re not just raising children, but the next generation of adults. Adults who will continue to reproduce and have children of their own.
Even if some of us may disagree with own parents’ parenting style, shades of them may be reflected in ours.
Oftentimes, without us even knowing it. Albeit unintentionally.
So, let us stop raising innocent, vulnerable children into damaged, wounded adults.
Break the cycle, be the change you want to see in the world.
And it all starts with fixing your parenting style.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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