Anxiety is experienced by everyone, man, woman and even child.
It creeps in on us during highly stressful life events, especially when we least expect it.
Even simple activities like driving a car, going to the bank and giving an oral presentation can trigger an anxiety attack.
No matter how mild or manageable one’s anxiety is, it is still something that should be taken seriously.
You may think that adults have more valid reasons for being anxious or nervous, but children are equally as prone to serious anxiety attacks.
Recent surveys have even found that anxiety among children have increased in frequency and severity over the past few years.
If your kid is displaying the typical symptoms of anxiety or if they actually mention to you that they’re feeling nervous, then this article is for you.
8 Phrases to Avoid When Kids Are Anxious
“It’s all in your head”
Funnily enough, anxiety is in your head. Any emotional response or experience occurs at the psychological level, in the mind.
However, this doesn’t mean that what goes on in your head is not real or not important.
You have to live with your own thoughts and memories your whole life.
If what other people say to you as a child eventually develops into negative self-talk when you’re an adult, then what goes on in your head has more impact on your life after all, doesn’t it?
So, don’t invalidate your kid’s feelings as an insignificant mental event. They may continue to invalidate their own feelings well into adulthood.
“I don’t see what’s wrong”
You may not be able to understand why they’re nervous, especially if its for such a small matter.
Kids have very little frame of reference with which to compare their experiences.
Going to the dentist, for instance, is significantly less scary for an adult than it is for a child. Because adults typically know that there are scarier things in the world, like car accidents or sharks.
To a child, the imaginary monster in their closest is the most terrifying thing in their environment.
So, try to understand their perspective instead of projecting your adult logic.
Kids have a very different idea about what constitutes as a ‘problem’ than what adults normally do.
“You need to relax”
Words are powerful, but just telling someone to stop experiencing an emotional state is folly.
The same way you can’t make it rain by screaming at the sky, you can’t make anxiety go away just by asking your child to relax.
In fact in some cases, doing so can come off as very condescending.
It’s the same thing as telling someone who is depressed to “just be happy”. It doesn’t really help.
“You’ll be fine”
This may be the case, but during highly charged emotional states, a child may catastrophise every minute detail.
People in anxious states will think about the worst case scenario, and the same is true for kids.
There will be plenty of times where they will have to brave a new experience on their own.
They will not always be fine during these moments, so it’s important to acknowledge their worries. Then, offer some comforting words.
Instead of “you’ll be fine”, say something like “I’ll be waiting here for you when you need me afterwards”.
“Not now, sweetie, mummy’s busy”
You may not always have time for your kids, especially if you’re a working parent.
However, kids may not necessarily understand your other responsibilities outside of being their parent.
So, they will naturally expect you to drop everything at a moment’s notice to help them with their issues.
However, being too uncaring about their emotional states, especially anxiety, may cause some resentment.
It is so important for parents to have conversations about these kinds of things with their children.
It shows the child that the parent cares and they’re always there to listen.
A dismissive parent can sometimes be worse than an absent one.
Remember to always be conscious of how you treat your children.
“You’re being dramatic”
Anxiety may seem like an exaggeration, but like many psychological experiences, it rarely conforms to rational logic.
However, one some level, a parent can relate to a child’s nervousness.
Whether its their first day of school or swimming lesson, never tell a child they’re being dramatic.
The world is a big scary place to a child and there are so many new things that they haven’t explored.
While some children fare better than others, there are still those who experience insecurity and fear.
Try to remember your very first day of school.
You must have been a ball of nerves; you may have even been one of those kids who cry and beg for their parents.
Children being dramatic is totally normal. You just need to know how to deal with it.
“What do you want me to do about it?”
Sometimes your kids, no matter how small they are, don’t necessarily want you solve their problems. They may just want an sympathetic shoulder to cry on.
Asking them something like this, even in an un-sarcastic way, can seem very counterproductive.
Sometimes your child may just be feeling anxious for no reason.
It’s important to not try and problem-solve in these situations and just ask them what you can do to make them feel better. This can be as simple as a warm hug.
“I’m sure it will all turn out for the best”
Having some level of optimism during anxious episodes is good.
But reassuring your child that everything will work out for the best is poor advice for conflict resolution.
It’s as if you’re telling them to accept whatever’s coming even though they may be in complete control of the outcome.
Much like the previous phrases, its dismissive of the fear and panic that they may be facing.
Worst case scenario, what your child foresees will come true.
But even if it’s unlikely, they still need assurances that you will be there for them if it doesn’t work out for the best.
Saying Less Is More
Anxiety has many triggers, and it may be harder for children to deal with them.
Adults with chronic anxiety may have learned overtime to self-soothe themselves.
Kids, on the other hand, may depend solely on their parents to help them cope with their attacks.
The difference between a child and adult in this sense is that they are significantly more susceptible to what you tell them.
Some adults with issues and complexes may be the result of improper parenting during stressful events.
So, it’s really important as parents to always watch what we say during highly charged emotional moments.
Helping your kid cope with an anxiety episode isn’t hard—the trick is simply knowing what to say.
You’ve got this, parents!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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