The following story relates me to the term: toxic relationship.
My mother has a friend who calls her from time to time to talk about her marriage. Not only that it is not a happy marriage, my mother’s friend constantly suffers from her marriage.
She has been experiencing verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and even marriage affair from time to time throughout their marriage.
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Harsh remarks and betrayal by her husband leave her in a heartbroken state.
Whenever she calls my mother, she complains about her husband.
Eventually, she cries and asks why she does not deserve a better relationship and marriage with her husband.
To make the situation worse, her husband recently made an unreasonable demand towards her.
As her 55th birthday was approaching, her husband asked her to withdraw all her savings in the Employees Provident Fund (EPF) to pay off part of his debt.
She then spent countless nights crying and asking my mother how she could deal with her husband’s demand.
What happened in the end? You are right, her husband had got all of her savings!
Despite all the discomfort and hardship that her husband puts her into, she still stays in the marital relationship with her husband.
Does she deserve this toxic relationship?
Certainly not; but if we continue to endure toxic relationships in our lives, we will eventually fall into the trap of victim mentality.
What is Victim Mentality?
This is what you will always hear from those with victim mentality:
Everything bad happens to me.”
“I can’t do anything about it.
Individuals with victim mentality label themselves as victims in every situation. Thus, they feel trapped in their current situations.
Besides expressing themselves in negativity, they will accept whatever mistreatment they receive.
They will not try to change themselves and figure out better alternatives.
In terms of marriage and relationship, they do not have the courage to escape from any toxic relationships.
Why? They are fearful of being alone.
On top of this, they are worried that they will not be able to find another, a better partner in the future.
Therefore, they choose to stay.
Instead of seeing ourselves as victims, it is time for us to look into possible signs of whether our relationship is a toxic one.
Read on and find out about 5 signs of a toxic relationship to avoid further painful life events in your future.
5 Signs of A Toxic Relationship
Sign 1: You don’t look forward to meeting them anymore
This is how you know you no longer look forward to seeing your partner.
You start to ignore his/her phone calls and messages.
Instead of feeling excited to share your daily events with your partner, you start to feel anxious whenever you have to talk to your partner.
Instead of hugging and patting your partner after work, you would want to avoid meeting them whenever it is possible.
Whenever you have any problems or issues, you tend to reach out to others more than your partner.
If these signs speak to you, then it is time for you to move on from this relationship.
Sign 2: You constantly feel fatigued around this person
Besides avoiding their phone calls and messages, you might be in a toxic relationship if you are constantly feeling drained whenever you’re around your partner.
Spending your time with your partner will only leave you with physical exhaustion and emotional negativity.
You will then start to avoid being around your partner as he/she constantly puts you into making sacrifices to meet his/her needs.
Sign 3: You constantly receive negative comments from this person
If your partner consistently use utterances such as
You’re never good enough!
You are nothing without me!
It is time for you to move on from this relationship. Don’t ever stay in a relationship with someone who constantly hurts us with their negative and critical comments.
We understand that every couple will occasionally have a disagreement over certain issues in their lives.
However, this does not mean that your partner can put you down with unreasonable sarcasm and criticism.
If your partner’s unconstructive comments and criticism are eroding your self-image or your self-worth, this is certainly a relationship to let go of.
What if everything is just fine in your relationship and yet you feel not loved and appreciated?
Check out the primary love languages for both you and your partner to rekindle your love.
Sign 4: You experience fear in this relationship
One of the primary reasons we are committed to a love relationship and marriage is that we want to feel loved and appreciated.
However, if you only find yourself to be extremely fearful and worried whenever your partner is around you, you have to acknowledge that you might be in a toxic relationship.
The source of your fear might come from your partner’s extreme reaction towards your actions and words. You are always concerned that your words and actions might annoy or irritate them.
Being in a fear-based relationship will only increase your stress and anxiety.
Furthermore, it is surely a sign of an unhealthy relationship to the extent that you don’t understand each other anymore.
It is time to leave this relationship behind.
Sign 5: You do not share your good news with this person
Who do you usually share your good news and happiness with? The person that you love, right?
So, if you no longer share any good news with your partner, it might indicate that you no longer feel love and fondness from your partner.
Or maybe you had shared one before, but your partner gave you cold reactions and discouragement towards your success out of jealousy.
If this scenario happens multiple times, you either communicate with your partner or decide to walk away from this relationship.
If a person truly loves you, he/she will not only celebrate your success, he/she will also help you to think of ways to enhance your success in the future.
We do not need anyone who does not think and feel positively about our success.
Bid Your Farewell To Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship does not only involve physical violence from your partner, sometimes it is also about diminishing you as an individual and ruining your self-image.
Thus, whenever you feel uncomfortable and negative around your partner, it is time to remind yourself that you should never endure any toxic relationships.
Instead of crying and complaining, be bold to acknowledge that it is a toxic relationship.
It is fine to let it go.
It is fine to talk about your hardship and take control of your life again.
It is never your fault and you deserve a better life, with or without a new partner.