We’re not talking about indulging yourself with a manicure on Valentine’s Day or buying yourself a new blouse or a new smartphone because you feel you deserve a treat. Yes, sure enough you do deserve to pamper yourself with what you want and you might even think: But aren’t these actions “loving yourself”?
Well, loving yourself or practicing self love goes a little deeper than that. Self love is about self respect, self care and knowing your own self-worth so that you can put a value on it and uphold it.
Now that’s easier said than done. As mums, we’re constantly rushing about the day seeing to others’ needs; constantly putting the other person first before ourselves. We tend to give love or ourselves out so much, we give automatically. We fix our children’s playground spats and do their pigtails before we sit down to enjoy a breather or a brew; we see to it that our husbands get enough of our attention and their dinners prepared on time; we make sure our parents and our in-laws are taken care of and attended to, we make it a point to always listen and help our friends out, we even take care of our kids’ friends and make sure they feel good.
By the end of the day, do we even have love left to spare for ourselves?
Loving yourself is about making sure you are not draining yourself out for the sake of others. Instead, it is about putting yourself first. It’s about nourishing your own mind and body with healthy thoughts and healthy food, getting enough rest and choosing not to clean the windows or do the dishes over getting enough time for yourself. It is also about deciding who your true friends are, what you will allow yourself to be affected by and who you want to surround yourself with ─ whether in your social networking circles and in real life.
Loving yourself means having a healthy self esteem or a good opinion of yourself. If you have low self esteem, you won’t think much of yourself and will put little value in your own opinions and ideas. It quickly leads to feeling lousy and depressed. You “let yourself go” in your physical appearance, avoid social situations, compare yourself negatively to others and feel threatened because you perceive others to be better off than you, or you get jealous and envious easily because you feel inadequate and you accept poor working conditions or live a poor lifestyle because you feel you don’t deserve better.
All these emotions dampen your mental health and they sure don’t make you a fun person to be around with, let alone spur you to become a loving mother and a role model for your children. Children imitate what you do. If you are constantly anxious, morose and irritable, they too will grow up anxiety-ridden and irascible.
Loving yourself is not being selfish at all. And certainly, self love is not about loving yourself just on Valentine’s Day. But it’s a good day to start implementing a long term plan for thinking of yourself with as much care and priority as you do for your own family.
You can only love your child as much as you love yourself ~ Brene Brown (author/research professor)
So how do you love yourself?
1. Accept Who You Are including All Your Limitations
Don’t criticize yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally, flaws and all. No one is flawless at any rate. We all have our imperfections and limitations, and we all make mistakes.
Instead of dwelling on things you can’t change, embrace your imperfections for what they are and forgive yourself of your mistakes. The past is the past, focus on how you can learn from your mistakes to make the future better. Then appreciate all the good that you have done and celebrate your strengths.
Make it a point to list all the hurdles that you have overcome, all the goals you have accomplished, all the children you have successfully brought into this world and raised and give yourself a pat on the back each day for all the lives that you have touched and how far you have come thus far.
2. Spend Quality Time Fulfilling Yourself
You make time for your children ─ you see to it that you take them out for activities that entertain or enrich them or you make time to lovingly bake them a cake for their birthday. Do the same for yourself. Do things that fulfil your soul. Maybe it could be gardening or embroidery and cross-stitching or painting or even blogging. Fulfill that ambition. If you’ve always wanted to Salsa or take up Taekwondo for instance, make it a point to join those classes. You will develop yourself and have a wonderful time engaging with others with the same ambition at the same time. It’s also a motivation to keep you looking forward and getting excited. Life doesn’t have to be all work and no play or revolve only around mothering your family. “All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl” as they say. You need opportunities to fulfil your own needs.
If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else. And I think as women we really forget that. ~ Jennifer Lopez (American Singer, Dancer, Actress)
3. Declutter Your Me-Space
Decluttering is an important way to practice self-care because it helps you take control of your home, your life and your “stuff” to improve your overall well-being. Clutter can cause you a lot of stress because housework and cleaning all the pile-up will take up extra time and energy. It is also depressing to come home to a home that is always in disarray.
Decluttering helps you to “let it go” ─ as the song goes. Reorganizing your home and giving yourself that quiet sanctuary where you can be with your own thoughts without being distracted can give you that breathing space and clarity of mind to see your accomplishments clearly. It will do wonders for your health and happiness and overall well-being. And that’s all part of loving and caring enough for yourself.
4. Respect Your Body ─ Adopt Good Lifestyle Habits
Your body is your temple ─ Respect it and you build respect for yourself. Eat things that will nourish that body and drop habits that deplete it like smoking or drinking too much or sleeping too late. Rest well, get enough sleep ─ that will automatically remove those black rings around your eyes, and drink plenty of water.
Ask for help or build a support network if you can’t handle baby all by yourself ─ it doesn’t lessen you as a mother and no one is a superwoman. Remember to go for your annual check-ups too or keep up your appointments with the dentist. Keep yourself in tip top condition and your husband will only have eyes for you.
Take time out to keep fit and exercise. Go for a jog or even a brisk walk regularly. The fresh air will do you good. Physical activity and working up a healthy sweat stimulates the release of endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These feel good hormones are mood enhancers that relieve stress and pain while toning your muscles and making you feel sexy in bed.
Don’t let others define you. You define yourself. ~ Ginni Rometty (American Businesswoman)
Maintaining a fit body will in turn enhance your confidence too. You will look good in anything you wear, you know that heads will turn and that will naturally boost your self esteem. Keep your hair groomed too and your skin clean. Look tidy at all times. It doesn’t mean you need to doll up with heavy make-up all the time but a bright, fresh and cheerful countenance is always appealing and has a way of drawing positivity towards yourself.
This, however, is not to say that only a 45kg unmarked svelte body is the only definition of beauty. You may have wider hips and a fuller bosom but that’s to be expected. Your body has changed through childbirth. Not every woman’s body has had a chance to experience what you did and your body is testimony to that fact. It has created another human being. You housed, nurtured and birthed a baby. That’s power no one can deny.
Physical appearance does not define who you are but taking the steps to care for your body’s health will change your image of it inside and out.
[dropcap letter=”O”]nce you have a healthier image of yourself, everything else will fall into place. You will be a more contented wife and a terrific example to your children. Know that they look up to you and will model themselves after you.
If you want your children to reflect your upbringing, then loving yourself is one of the most important lessons you can teach them and definitely one of the best favours you can do for yourself from here on.
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