Do you remember the life you lived before Movement Control Order (MCO) was announced not too long ago? I used to have my alarm clock set at 5:30 am, and then I would snooze every 5 minutes to only wake up at 6 am. And then I would rush to get all 3 kids and myself ready for school and work, a quick breakfast, and we would dash out of the house to join the horrendous traffic to schools and office.
And then it was another mad dash after work to shop for groceries for dinner, pick kids from schools, get kids to do their homework, tiger-mom them to practice their piano and memorize their times table. Dinner and bed time were always a crazy time that drove my mothering level up to monster-mom level. And then we repeat the cycle the next day.
I used to look forward to the weekends, when I can sleep in a little and drink my coffee while it’s still hot. Funny that felt like a lifetime ago. Now during lock down, I can actually sleep in all I want and drink all the coffee that I can stomach; only thing is, I now have 3 kids asking for food and permission for TV every 5 minutes and a stressed-out husband who wants to clean up every nook and corner of the house at a time when I actually want to cook or get my work done!
Oh, and I’ve lost my freedom to drive out of the house if anyone drives me bonkers. I’m not quite sure what’s the name of that level after monster-mom, but yes, I think I’m there, that much I can tell you!
It is ironic how the mandate for social distancing is also keeping family units in super close proximity today. Couples who normally only meet before and after work are now breathing down each other’s neck everyday in a close space; children used to have a 5km-long list of activities and school to attend to, not anymore!
One of the biggest stressors in these trying times – besides the non-stop cooking, cleaning, bickering from your children, and bickering with your spouse – are managing our finances, especially for those who are self-employed – when will the next pay check come? All these can add up and strain our relationship with those who are closest to us – our spouse and our children. What can we actually do to actively preserve these precious relationships while keeping ourselves safe and sane?
Here’s my list of suggestions to survive the lockdown.
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You Can Run But You Can’t Hide!
Actually, you can’t run now that the MCO is in effect. OK, I know not every parent is cut out to be a teacher, but parents gotta do what parents gotta do during desperate times!
I’d recommend that you take one day to get all the research work done, and have activities, reading materials, and stationery prepped, lined up, and ready to serve for the next 1-4 weeks.
There are endless educational resources online and I personally have received list after list of websites from fellow parent-friends that would ease my job as an interim teacher. You can choose to teach or dispense activities 5 days in a row with 2-3 hours of learning time each day, or you can choose to sit the kids down for learning 3 times a week on a longer stretch in a day.
You can choose to focus only on core subjects, just to keep the kids in touch with their math and English, or you can experiment with what being an unschooler parent feels like by letting the kids tell you what they want to do for the day (I have a feeling TV will play a big part in their choice lol!).
See, the beauty of home-schooling is, you call the shots! But the key is – you must be on top of your game and prep, prep, prep!
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Let’s Be Real!
I mean, come on, do you really think an Instagram or Pinterest-worthy picture is all that important now that you are locked down at home with limited resources – be it ingredients for your acai bowl or that gold skinny belt for your #OOTD shot? So let’s do real and get back to basics!
Plan your meals ahead so that no ingredients go to waste and you get to delay the shopping trip as far back as possible. Forget about the homemade play dough in perfect shades of the rainbow, that’s wasting precious resources (flour which can be used to make a gazillion types of food to feed your family!).
Consider revisiting all the toys, books, and stationeries your kids have and get creative in using them. Remember your goal now is to fight the virus, stay healthy, and stay alive!
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Let’s Get Talking & Be Good Partners
In the past, you may have the option to ignore your spouse’s (annoying) quirks and habits, well, not anymore, at least not during this MCO period. Let me assure you that now that you live and breathe in the same space 24 hours a day together, you and your spouse are bound to step on each other’s toes and things will get ugly at some point.
But, I assure you too, that if both of you put in a little effort to communicate and set realistic expectations for each other, you guys will see to the end of the storm. I promise.
List down all the things you and your partner need to get done in a day – whether it’s work related, children related, a little time for you to tinker with your hobbies, or simply a must-have alone time locked up in the room – and talk until you both are satisfy with the arrangements, and then, execute as planned.
In that way, you both are actually working together instead of working for one another which can burn yourselves up – much like running a company or a business as the CEO and the MD.
A toxic living space happens when there is a lack of respect and empathy between the couple. Open communication is then what we need to reach an understanding and avoid pent-up frustrations. It is a good idea to switch off your gadgets and screens, and talk at night after the kids are in bed to reset or re-strategize your game plan the next day.
And yes, definitely take one day at a time.
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Let’s Go To Work!
If you are a working mom and during this downtime, you are required to still work from home, then great, business as usual! Talk to your spouse to arrange a practical work time table for the both of you.
Maybe you take the first half of the day while your spouse takes the second half to get work done, so that there will always be a parent to watch and tend to the kids while releasing the other to work peacefully.
And before you “go” to work, dress up and put on your favourite lip colour, because why not?! Looking good boost our morale and with good morale, surely our work productivity and immunity go up too!
Having said that, whether dress up or dress down, you just do you, ultimately we all just want to give our best – be it at work or at home.
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Investing In Ourselves & Honing Our Skills
You may be a stay at home mom with a thousand errands and chores to run daily; or you are a working mom with a KPI to fulfill. When was the last time you get to do the things you’ve been wanting to do?
Maybe you dreamed to be a Zumba instructor before the kids came along – now is the time! Organize an online Zumba lesson and get your family and friends to join in the fun, online of course!
Or maybe you have always wanted to “rip” the broken food processor apart because you know you can fix it back – now is the time! Seize the opportunity and get moving!
If you think you have what it takes to tell a good story, why not start by becoming a contributor to Motherhood.com.my and get paid? That dream to write a book in the future is not a dream after all if you start sharpening your skill today!
If you used to bake kick-ass cakes and pastries before the corporate world sucked you in, restart the skill, who knows a professional baker is not too far an ambition to achieve! My point is, get started, you can never find a better time than now!
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The Present Is A Gift
Someone reminded me to look at the lock down as a blessing in disguise – it has given us so much time in hand suddenly, so instead of whiling it away and complaining about the disruptions caused by it, why not use it fully well.
I know for sure our kids will be happy to have our attention, our pets are actually the happiest during the lock down with everyone at home, our spouse will appreciate our undivided attention for once (that is, if we work on putting the phones away!); and about your dreams, if you take that first step today, you may very well be living it tomorrow.
This COVID-19 pandemic has snatched so many precious lives from their loved ones and till today, the governments from all over the world and the medical frontliners are still grappling to take control of the situation, it is a very sobering reality. So yes, life is indeed short.
The best and most helpful thing we can all do now is to heed the advice to #StayAtHome and #FlattenTheCurve and while we are at it, who’s to say we can’t enjoy and make a great life?
Stay safe everyone! xx