Most grandparents spoil their grandkids. That may as well be common knowledge by now.
There may even be some scientific explanation to this favouritism. But what if it puts a damper on your holistic parenting philosophy?
After all, you don’t want to raise an entitled child who thinks they can have their way with anything.
There are many ways that a grandparent can spoil a child. Some are extreme, others are subtle.
But one thing’s for sure, you don’t want anyone undermining your authority when it comes to how you raise your children.
So it’s important to nip the problem in the bud before it gets out of hand. Because dealing with a spoiled child is not fun, for anyone involved.
Here are some tricks on dealing with coddling grandparents who are spoiling your kids too much.
5 Ways to Deal with Coddling Grandparents
Choose your Battles
It’s important to pick and choose your battles wisely when it comes to talking to your parents or in-laws about overindulging your kids, even with things like food.
But a few Ringgits here, or a chocolate brownie there is not worth getting worked up about.
Don’t fight with your in-laws or parents over every small, petty thing. Especially if it’s a rare occurrence.
You don’t want to jeopardise any good relations you have with them.
After all, grandparents are usually the first lifeline when you need some parenting advice or more importantly, a babysitter.
But that aside, grandparents are also an important part of the family and you will still be seeing them on holidays and on certain weekends.
So it’s best to keep things amicable, even with problems afoot.
Don’t be Confrontational
If you find that your kids’ grandparents are guilty of spoiling your kids too much, then its time to intervene.
But it’s important to be tactful and above all, respectful. If you think your child is being overfed for instance, make up some excuse about why they should cut back on the food.
Like you’re trying to help your kids with their weight, or that it’s by doctor’s orders. Telling a few white lies here and there is harmless.
It gets a little harder when its about tantrums or discipline because your child’s grandparents may not know about or agree with your parenting methods.
So if your kids are staying with their grandparents for long periods of time, then its best to walk them through your techniques.
Make Them Part of the Solution
Another trick that you can resort to is to make your child’s grandparents part of the solution.
Most parents get so defensive and overprotective when they find out that their child is being spoiled rotten by other people.
But it’s important not to lose sight of the bigger picture.
For instance, if the grandparents insist on showering your kids with gifts, make them a list of appropriate items that they can get.
This may very well play into your favour, especially when the new semester rolls around. You can suggest them to buy your kids new clothes, new shoes, new stationery, even pay for a new haircut.
Let’s be honest, raising a child in this day and age can be expensive.
So don’t turn down the help when it’s staring you in the face. Treat the spoiling as an opportunity to save money. All you need to do is finesse the situation.
Divide and Conquer
Elders can get sensitive about criticism. So it’s important that the right people talk to them when it comes to sensitive issues.
So when an intervention is imminent, you need to do it right. In which case, you and your spouse need to talk to your respective parents about the spoiling problem.
Make sure to be tactful during the communication, especially if it’s serious and causing discipline and behaviour issues at home.
Don’t make a serious affair out of it either, or be too obvious.
Take them out for a nice meal, or some shopping. And then broach the topic bit by bit.
Mention how your kids are misbehaving at home and asking for things and being unreasonable.
Tell them how it’s causing you sleepless nights and stress. If they have an ounce of empathy, they’ll understand where you’re coming from. And will dial down on the spoiling.
Set Boundaries
Some kids believe that the same privileges they experience at their grandparents’ extend to their real homes.
This can cause them to demand things from you that they never would otherwise.
But inform them that while their grandparents may have different rules, this doesn’t mean your kids will get the same treatment everywhere.
Especially not with you and your spouse. If all else fails, reduce visitations with the grandparents. Or always make sure they’re supervised and never leave them for long periods of time where you’re not around.
You will need to find new babysitting arrangements as a result.
Perhaps a sibling, or a paid caretaker. Sometimes older people are a little set in their ways. So you may have to end up employing the nuclear option.
Nipping it in the Bud
Kids deserve to spoiled every once in a while. They should be showered with nice toys, candy and sweets, and even be allowed to watch as much cartoon as they want.
But within reason and on occasion.
You don’t want to strip them off a happy childhood, but you also don’t want them to grow up being absolutely entitled.
There are times when it’s important to say “No”.
The thing with grandparents is that they know they’re not totally responsible for their grandkids’ behaviour. And don’t have to deal with the aftermath of the spoiling.
That job unfortunately falls on the real parents’ shoulders.
But hopefully with these tips you’re able to stop things from escalating and never have to deal with un-spoiling your child.
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