Men are such curious creatures. They have puzzled women, wives and the female species, for centuries. But you probably don’t truly realise how weird guys are until you actually live with them, under one roof, where all their strangest and most infuriating habits are laid bare. When it comes to sharing amenities, a topic that keeps popping up is the ‘toilet seat issue’. In the case of married couples, or households in general where a man and a woman cohabitate, this one problem can lead to quarrels, resentment and in some cases even separation. In this issue of Daddy Talks, we answer one of the most burning questions mums have about dads: “Why do guys never put the toilet seat back down”? Let’s get into it.
The Situation
We understand mums, it can be so annoying! You wake up in the middle of the night groggy and half-asleep. You go to the toilet to empty out your bladder, you sit down. A little gasp of horror escapes as your cheeks slide right through into the toilet bowl. The damage is done, but you annoyingly wriggle your way out and realise what’s happened. Your beloved spouse has forgotten to put the toilet seat back down. Again! You do your business in quiet rage, clean yourself up, and go back to bed.
The question burns in the back of your mind: “Why does he never put it back down after he’s done?”. By morning you may have forgotten about the previous night’s ordeal. Or just kept quiet as to not start anything. After all, you’re used to it. But this doesn’t solve the problem, of course. However, there’s a good reason why us guys sometimes forget to leave the toilet seat back down.
The Reason
The answer to this conundrum is manifold, but it can pretty much boil down to this: It’s easier (for when we have to pee again later), and touching the toilet seat is kind of gross. Just like how women find it inconvenient to keep putting the toilet seat down, men also find it annoying to having to keep putting the toilet seat back up. But the reason why women may have a hard time with this arrangement is that most of the time, they’re the ones who usually end up falling into the toilet bowl. So, it’s understandable why this topic is so contentious.
But it’s not just about being absentminded. They may have gotten used to doing it as children and during their bachelor years. So, it probably goes back to upbringing. Moreover, most houses in Malaysia don’t have shower curtains so water goes literally everywhere, even on the toilet seat. Leaving the toilet seat up means it doesn’t get wet from people showering. So the next time you sit down for numero dos, you won’t have to wipe the seat down. Hence, in some families, it may have been the norm to keep the toilet seat up, regardless of your sex.
The Truth
But these are simply broad generalisations, there are many dads who remember to put the toilet seat back down after using the loo. For those who don’t, the truth may be deeper than laziness or simple disgust. So, it’s best to look at things from a scientific point of view. The first reason may be that men are simply forgetful, apparently more so than women. And while this does not excuse bad habits, like forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, studies do find that men in general tend to suffer from bad memory.
The second reason is that male brains don’t reach full maturity until well after their 30s, and some even until their late 40s. This may be why your man can often act like a teenager with their tantrums and childish behaviour even though they look like grown-ups on the outside. It’s biological. While this doesn’t excuse the toilet seat problem, it may paint a clearer picture of how the male brain works. In this case, being the less mature sex means they may be stuck in their ways.
The Solution
At the end of the day, there really is no good reason for us to not put the toilet seat down. But there’s some good news, mums! There may be a way to get your man to do what you want—with a little thing they call, ‘the power of suggestion’. If we are to believe the research (that men are literally children in grown-up bodies), then it stands to reason that we are still susceptible to behavioural modification. In this case, some positive reinforcement may just be the trick to bend us to your whims.
The next time your hubby forgets to put the toilet seat down, instead of scolding, try talking to him gently. Thank him for doing the right thing. You can, of course, wait for one of those rare days when he does remember to do it. Then, you may take this opportunity to reward him a little. Remember to make sure he knows what the reward is for. It can be something as simple as giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek when he does what he’s told. You may need to repeat this a few more times to get the habit to stick.
Yes, it may sound like I’m asking you to treat your man like a little child. Most men might not admit to this, but we actually like to be showered with attention too. If you haven’t read the Korean folktale, The Tiger’s Whisker, I recommend you do. At the end of the day, a few sweet words can often be more effective at getting us to do things than being scolded or yelled at. It may just be the trick to solving not only the toilet seat problem, but also other domestic disputes you may be having in your home.
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