When we hear the phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, some of our minds may often drift to nostalgic images of bustling neighbourhood nestled in little corners, multi-generational households, and aunties popping over with homemade kuih.
But let’s face it, for many of us, that traditional village is more of a pretty vintage postcard than a present-day reality.
So, where is this village we keep hearing about?
And more importantly, what does it look like in today’s world?
The Evolution of the Village: From Extended Families to Modern Networks
Once upon a time, a village meant exactly that – an actual physical community.
Grandparents lived down the street, neighbours knew your child’s favourite snack, and help was just a shout away.
But as cities grew, families became more nuclear, and work-life demands skyrocketed, that traditional village slowly faded into the background.
Today, the village is less about geography and more about real connections.
It could be a trusted daycare provider, the mummy-friend you met at your weekly yoga, or even an online parenting community that cheers you on at your lowest.
The point is, the essence of the village hasn’t disappeared; it’s just evolved.
Daycare: The Modern-Day Village
Let’s address the elephant in the playground: Why is there still a lingering stigma when a mother chooses to send her child to daycare?
Society loves to chant ‘it takes a village’.
However, what happens when that village includes trained professionals in a structured environment?
Somehow, the idea of a daycare provider stepping in may be seen as a parental shortfall rather than a smart, supportive choice.
But think about it.
Daycare isn’t just a place where children are ‘watched.’
The right daycare is vibrant community where kids learn social skills, engage in creative play, and form their first friendships.
The caregivers aren’t just babysitters – they’re educators, nurturers, and yes, part of your village.
Choosing daycare doesn’t mean you’re outsourcing parenting.
It just means you’re embracing a network that contributes positively to your child’s growth.
Redefining the Village: Who’s in Yours?
One day, I re-shared an Instagram post on what a village looks like for some, and it got me thinking – who is my village?
I realised it was just my husband and me.
Is that odd? Aren’t villages meant to be big?
To my surprise, many friends of mine came forward, sharing what a village looks like to them.
Some said it was a combination of their Pilates instructor, their helpers, the teachers who educate their children, and even the tutors.
Another parent shared that her village was just herself and her husband (just like me! thank goodness for our remote work arrangements), which allows us to be that village.
So, if the village isn’t limited to family members or next-door neighbours, who gets to be part of it?
Anyone you trust to support you and your child’s wellbeing.
Your village can include:
- Daycare providers and teachers: The unsung heroes who teach ABCs and life lessons.
- Friends (with or without kids): The ones who listen without judgement and bring coffee when you need it most.
- Family, near or far: Whether it’s weekend visits or daily video calls with Grandma.
- Online communities: Yes, that mummy group on Facebook counts. Sometimes, virtual advice is just as comforting as in-person chats.
- Neighbours: The friendly face who keeps an eye out when you need a toilet break or just a quick run to the store.
The beauty of the modern village is that it’s customisable.
There’s no rulebook, just your intuition guiding you towards people who lift you and your child up.
Shaking Off the Guilt About Needing a Village
Mum Guilt – the ever-present, often unnecessary sidekick of motherhood.
Many mums may feel guilty for leaning on others, as if needing help means they’re not ‘doing it right’.
But here’s the thing: needing support doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
Parenting isn’t meant to be a solo gig.
Even superheroes have sidekicks.
Batman had Robin. Sherlock had Watson.
And you? You have your village.
So, next time that guilt creeps in because you’re dropping your child off at daycare or asking a friend to babysit, remember: you’re not failing.
You’re thriving because you know how to build a village that works for you.
How to Build (or Rebuild) Your Village
If you’re reading this and thinking, ‘Well, that’s great, but I don’t have a village’, don’t worry.
It’s never too late to create one.
- Identify Your Needs: Do you need emotional support, practical help, or both? Knowing what you need makes it easier to seek the right kind of support.
- Reach Out: Join local mummy groups, attend community events, or simply strike up a conversation with another parent at the park. Yes, it’s awkward at first, but so is parenting.
- Nurture Connections: Villages don’t grow overnight. Invest time in friendships, reciprocate support, and be open to new relationships.
- Embrace Professional Support: Therapists, daycare providers, tutors – they’re all part of the modern village. Don’t shy away from including professionals in your support network.
Your Village, Your Rules
The concept of a village isn’t outdated – it’s just been redefined.
In today’s world, your village can be as small as your immediate family or as expansive as a global online community.
It can include daycare providers, friends, family, and even that kind barista who remembers your coffee order after a sleepless night.
So, the next time someone throws around the phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, or gives you the side-eye for dropping off your precious child at the daycare, smile and nod.
Because you know the truth: your village might not look like the storybook version, but it’s perfect for you and your child.
And isn’t that what truly matters?
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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