Do you have a child who just turned three and has started acting out in ways you’ve never seen before? I am currently experiencing exactly that! My daughter turned three about a month ago, and I can tell you that she is no longer the same toddler. She did have her terrible-two moment, I suppose. But this is different.
I’m not trying to shame my little girl, but she just told me to “go away” last week when I was trying to help her! This is exactly what she said: “Go away, go away, mummy.” When I looked at her at the time, I felt like my heart had been yanked out of my chest. So, I stepped back and waited for her to calm down before approaching her again. That is only one scenario. Almost every day, there will be some drama involving her—whether with me, her dad, her siblings, grandparents, or even her aunt.
Well, I just realised that I have a threenager (i.e., teenage attitudes possessed by a three-year-old body) on my hands that I have to deal with. I’ve heard this phrase so many times before, yet I don’t recall my eldest two kids being that difficult to manage. But, I suppose there is a first time for everything. People say that no two children are alike, so I can’t expect my kids to grow up with the same attitude.
Identifying A Threenager’s Signs
Anyway, it’s time for me to do some digging into this threenager situation so I can better monitor and control the situation in the heat of the moment. Before I go any further, let me tell you about the signs (or red flags) to look for to determine whether you have a toddler who is turning into a threenager.
- Threenagers want to do everything themselves and refuse to accept assistance. Even if they are struggling and becoming frustrated with the situation, they will not want you to help them. With my daughter, if I still try to help, or even ask if I can help, she will become enraged and make the situation worse.
- They want to wear whatever they want. I envy those who can dress and play doll with their children because it was something my daughter detested. Consider this: It was Eid, and I wanted to put on a baju kurung on her, but she was adamant that she only wanted to wear pants! She does, however, wear dresses and act all princessy when she wants to. I repeat, only when she wants to.
- The fear of doing something wrong and upsetting your threenager is real. I could simply be slicing the apples incorrectly, and she will refuse to eat them. I have the feeling that she has a low tolerance for anything that irritates her. And in that apple situation, I’ll have to cut another one exactly as she requested.
- They can tell you “no” and then run away from you. For example, if I ask my three-year-old to pick up her toys, she will do so if she is in the mood. Otherwise, she would simply say “no”. Or worse, ignore me! Most of the time, putting on clothes is a nightmare too because I have to chase her down before she can put one on.
There are many more signs, but these are the ones that apply to me right now. Let’s see how we can handle this.
Managing and Coping With My Threenager
To be honest, I have no idea how to handle my little threenager. I’m still experimenting with some of the strategies I found online, which I’ve shared below.
Try to Empathise with the Threenager
After all, they are still children who are learning to express their emotions. Attempting to empathise with their situation and condition will calm you down and allow you to think clearly. Most of the time, threenagers are not acting out on purpose to demonstrate a bad attitude. They most likely believe that throwing tantrums and crying will get them the attention they seek. When you demonstrate empathy and understanding to your child, he or she is more likely to reciprocate.
Allow the Threenager to Explore
Children are naturally inquisitive, and it is natural for them to want to investigate everything. You may refuse to allow them because it is dangerous, but they are unaware of this. As a result, your three-year-old will cry or scream because they believe you have restricted them. You can let your children explore at times, such as running around the park or climbing the grill. Simply be present and close by to keep them safe. You will also be assisting your kids in becoming more independent, responsible, and creative.
It’s Okay to Follow Their Lead Sometimes
This does not imply giving your child everything and anything he or she desires. Find out what interests the threenager and get involved in the activities. If they enjoy playing games, play games with them; if they enjoy watching cartoons, watch cartoons with them; and if they enjoy drawing, draw with them. Inform them that you are also interested in what they are doing. That way, they’ll be less likely to act out because they know they can rely on you.
Try Responding Differently
Kids can sometimes throw a fit just by how you respond to their request or when they first act out. Stop if you notice them becoming more aggressive and crying hysterically after you have told them off or screamed at them. To allow your children to calm down, try a different approach such as speaking softly or ignoring them first. That being said, if you’re the soft-spoken type and that doesn’t work to calm your child, you might try being stricter. Instead of screaming, use a more serious tone to let them know you mean business.
Avoid Reinforcing Bad Behaviour
No bad behaviour should be tolerated without consequences. Even if it is the first time, you must explain to your kid what is expected of them and how they should behave. Inform them of the repercussions if they do it again, and be firm about it. Also, try not to overreact to your child’s tantrums because this will give them the impression that they want more. It will instil in them that if they want attention, they must behave badly to obtain it.
Make It a Learning Opportunity for Both
Parenting is all about learning, and your children are no exception. Whatever happens during that time and in that relationship is a watershed moment for you both to learn something. As in this case, your children are acting like three-year-olds. When they are angry and acting out, it may be difficult to reason with them. However, once they have calmed down and you have some free time where you two can be alone and talk about what has happened, tell them you were upset as well and talk about how things can be improved the next time.
Stay Calm and Take Things One Day at A Time
Threenagers can be exhausting to parents because they sap all of your patience and energy. However, since your kid will be learning something new every day, this time can be extremely rewarding. Finally, remember to always be the bigger person and remain calm if your little one misbehaves. Hang in there, mummies! You’ve got this!
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