There are many things that a parent passes on to their offspring. Genes, physical attributes, allergies. And yes, even trauma. While strictly a psychological phenomenon, traumas are as hereditary as eye colour and facial features.
Normal trauma is what an individual experiences personally in their lives. But generational trauma is inherited from your parents, grandparents and even your ancestors. They are negative and detrimental patterns that express subconsciously in your habits, fears, and in your parenting.
Everyone likely experiences generational trauma because all of our ancestors have at one point been embroiled in war, tragedy, massacres and other unpleasant events in human history like the World Wars. How we raise our children inadvertently perpetuates these predispositions.
But there are ways to shed light on the terrifying shadows of our past, so that the future generation can lead better, happier lives. Let’s delve further together, shall we?
Facts about Generational Trauma
A relatively new discovery in the field of psychology, generational trauma (often also called transgenerational trauma or multigenerational trauma) is trauma that is passed on from one generation to another. Oftentimes manifesting as unhealthy, learned responses to stressful events and situations.
The effects of this condition are twofold: biological and psychological. Trauma and other stressful events mutate gene expressions; your brain naturally changes to cope and adapt with your environment. Sometimes in ways that are detrimental to your mental health, especially if you’re a child.
When you reproduce, you pass on these survival genes to your children, who will then pass those on to their children. These changes in gene expression can oftentimes result in succeeding generations having heightened flight-or-flight reactions. In other words, we see danger everywhere.
And if you don’t heal your own generational trauma, you may risk further compounding the trauma through your own parenting method and habits. This will then likely end up compounding the hereditary stress responses to create more traumatic experiences for your children.
It is a vicious cycle. Future generations will become more and more anxious and depressed, who will then continue producing more anxious and depressed offspring.
And this is not counting families with a history of sexual and domestic violence, crime, drug abuse, poverty and alcoholism. These individuals may have a much harder time healing their ancestral wounds than someone who have led a relatively privileged life.
In order to stop generational trauma from influencing your parenting, you need to do some healing. So that you don’t pass on the trauma of your ancestors to future generations.
How to End Generational Trauma in Your Parenting
Attempt Some Shadow Work
Shadow work sounds like some scary black magic thing, but it’s actually quite the opposite. Instead of bringing harm, shadow work brings healing and is a valid form of self-help.
It can be performed through a variety of techniques like meditation, intentional self-talk and journaling. To better understand what shadow work is, you first have to understand what the Shadow is.
According to psychologist, Carl Jung, your ‘shadow’ is a small dark corner in your mind where you have stored all your repressed desires, fears, emotions and even memories.
Just like Marie Kondo’s decluttering technique, if a thought, belief or habit is no longer serving you, thank it for its service and throw it away.
One way to perform shadow work is to list out your stressors, how you naturally respond to them, why you respond in specific ways, and what you can do to minimise their power over you.
You can also do some inner child healing, which can further improve your shadow work and get your one step closer to healing your generational trauma. And if you’re able to work with a therapist, doing so can likely help you increase your chances of success.
Identify Trauma Responses
We often have instinctive responses when confronted with an unpleasant scenario. Some of us become defensive, aloof, antagonistic, resentful or passive aggressive.
These reactions may actually mimic those of our parents, or grandparents, and even our ancestors whom we’ve never even met. Sometimes they are learned, sometimes they are intrinsic. We often do them without even thinking.
While genetic predispositions to stress may be harder to overcome, you can reduce the tension in your interactions with your children by understanding your own trauma responses in your adult relationships.
How you communicate with your friends, partner/spouse, co-workers, and even strangers during moments of high stress can tell you a lot about your own generational trauma. And the way to overcome them is to do the opposite of what you normally would do.
Instead of getting angry, stay calm. Instead of being defensive, apologise. Again, working with a therapist can likely help you better identify your trauma responses compared to if you were to do so on your own.
Stop, Breathe and Think
Generational trauma is most apparent during stressful situations. Just like during a fire emergency, you need to follow certain safety rules to put out the flames before things get out hand.
If you find yourself arguing with your spouse or children, or your boss, friend or co-worker, stop what you’re doing. Take a deep calming breath and think about what you’re doing—will your words resolve the issue or escalate it?
And if you must, excuse yourself to another room.
When dealing with naughty behaviour, or temper tantrums, it may be easy to employ your favourite torture device (hanger, belt, cane, etc). But know that resorting to corporal punishments is one of the main things that will propagate generational trauma in your lineage.
Remember, they used to cane prisoners back during the Japanese occupation, something that your ancestors had to live through. So, think about that next time you consider using physical pain as a method of behaviour control.
Break the Vicious Cycle
Generational trauma may be sound like New Age pseudoscience to a lot of people. But that was what scholars thought psychology was back in the day. Now it’s a respected and important field of medicine.
The concept of generational trauma may still be new. But the likely truth is that not many people may be willing to go through the time or trouble to resolve their inherited baggage.
Or rather, they are complacent in their own trauma. Resigned to the reality that it can never be healed. But there is always hope, and it is not as hard as it seems.
All this information may seem daunting, but don’t be scared away. Baby steps is key, as always. Start small with a simple notebook and pen.
Then, find one area of your life and parenting that you may struggle with the most (chances are there is a generational trauma attached to that). And from there on begins the painful but worthwhile process of tending to your ancestral wounds.
Just this one act of healing can ripple throughout future generations, ensuring a better, happier life for all your descendants. And eventually, pave the way for a better and happier society for all.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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