Television host, producer, actress and advocate, Daphne Iking, talks to Motherhood about the joys and struggles of being a working mother. The woman of many talents, offers up suggestions to make labour more about love.
Question: What are some steps that can be implemented, for working mothers in Malaysia?
Answer: “The best way we can help working mothers in Malaysia is by offering better paternity leave to all couples. Besides allowing dads to enjoy the early days of a baby’s life, paternity leave gives women a chance to not be side-lined for career advancement opportunities.
“We need to be on a level playing field. Right now, many women are not looked upon favourably for advancement because some employers feel that married women will be preoccupied with chores. Besides that, they are also hesitant because of the times these women might have to be on maternity leave.
“But if men get paternity leave, the workforce will be more balanced. And I’m not talking about paternity leave for the sake of it, it should be a generous amount.”
Question: For decades, non-governmental organisations (NGOs) have been advocating for more work-life balance, such as daycares in offices, but not many companies have implemented these concepts. What are your thoughts?
Answer: “Very true, and I’ve seen this with some of my girlfriends. Although they are working for gigantic, multi-national companies, the red tape involved in getting on-site daycare is ridiculous.
“Because the process is so tedious, most of these female advocates lose their stamina and drive to prove the cause. It does not help that many companies have predominantly male upper-management staff.
“Honestly, our biggest fear as working mothers is finding a baby sitter or daycare we can trust. Many of us compromise when it comes to our career, for that very reason.”
Question: Personally, as a busy working mother, what are some of your daily challenges?
Answer: “For me, my daily challenge is to find my own working space and to set boundaries. Although women are excellent at multi-tasking, working from home can be extremely challenging as the kids are still there in the next room, demanding your attention. Hence, sometimes it is easier to get things done when they are asleep.
“Unfortunately, after doing that for a few days it can slowly affect your mood, your health and quality time you do have with your kids.
“At the other end of the spectrum, everything in the working world is so fast paced. So, I have to literally put down my phone after 9pm to allow me to focus on things I had to do earlier in the day.
“I do not try to push myself to get everything done with the kids around way past 2am because then I have to get up at 5am to prepare breakfast.
“It does not help that because technology is so fast paced, some people expect you to reply messages and emails immediately.”
Question: Many women have had to juggle “work from home” and family this past year. With no end in sight, what is your advice to these working mothers?
Answer: “It can be quite the challenge. I used to make sure I get up early so my kids have freshly prepared breakfast. But then I would miss out on going for a morning run, because I was so busy. So, I’ve learnt to prepare food in batches and reheat some days, so I can go for a run.
“Also, working moms need to have their ‘me’ time and self-care. It is tough but you need to. Before CMCO, we were able to dine with friends, have spa time and get a manicure. But now that Covid-19 numbers are on the rise, we are more confined to the home again.
“It is also very important to have serious conversations with your spouse about this. In my household, my husband does most of the cooking but our situation is unique because we work together. But we have had deep conversations about our roles; allowing each other to have equal opportunities at home and work – it is only fair.”
Question: With the pandemic, many women have started their own home-based businesses. What would you like to say to them?
Answer: “When the pandemic hit, I was carrying my fourth unexpectant blessing, I had recently joined a networking business and found a bit of joy to be able to connect with new friends. I understand that having your own bussiness is exciting, like baking and sewing, it can be very rewarding emotionally as well.
“Sometimes when you have a great idea, quickly pen it down, find ways to bring those ideas back to life. It is also a ‘woman thing’, to help others. Sometimes just by commenting and ‘liking’, you are helping these women boost their business and self-esteem.
“Women need the support, not just to raise our kids but also to lift each other up. It is all about community spirit. If you can find a support system, God willing your business will be able to flourish beyond expectation.”