Adoptive mothers are the unsung heroes of our community. These are the compassionate, selfless women who have taken it upon themselves to take in, care for, and love another’s child as if it were their own. There are many reasons why someone would decide to be an adoptive mother. Fertility issues, pregnancy avoidance, altruism. No matter what the reason is, they still go through with the process despite the many challenges that await.
Adoption itself is a rarely discussed topic in Malaysia. There is still a lot of stigma and judgement around the practice despite it being one of the noblest sacrifices someone can make. Parents who adopt are often judged for their choices. And society in general can oftentimes be unkind to adopted children. Even amongst family members, adoptions may be a secret or never discussed. But this is nothing compared to what the orphans themselves experience.
The Reality of Adoption in Malaysia
As of now, there are approximately 64,000 children living in child-care institutions. Unwanted orphans whose biologically parents have either died or abandoned them. Many orphanages receive abandoned babies about several times a month, many saved through baby hatches. And many of them will grow up without families. To add to this tragic tale, many children who grow up in orphanages experience developmental delays and behavioural problems. A result of being robbed of a loving family and the stability and comfort it affords.
Thankfully, many couples are adopting babies and even older children to be a part of their family. Just in 2021 alone, over 200 orphans were successfully adopted and given new homes. However, despite the adoption process being relatively simple, it is at time-consuming endeavour. This shows the dedication and sacrifice adoptive parents go through just to save an unwanted child from being without a home. And this effort alone is worthy of praise.
Challenges of Being an Adoptive Mother
Judgement
There will be moments in an adoptive mother’s life where the people around her will point out how she and her child are not biologically related. These can come in a whole range of remarks and comments. Many of them will be entirely innocent and unintentional, but they will still hurt nonetheless. Being an adoptive mum means learning to cope with this fact and with other people’s opinions and questions. Maintaining composure and grace in the face of other people’s curiosity and yes, judgement. That is the ongoing struggle of being an adoptive mother.
Legal Process
There are generally two ways to adopt a child. Registration of Adoption Act 1952 (“ROAA”) or the Adoption Act (“AA”). The ROAA only grants custodial rights to the adoptive parents, and is applicable for both Muslims and non- Muslims. Whereas for the AA the adoptive parents will be official guardians of the adopted child as if the child were legally born of legal wedlock. This option is unfortunately only available to non-Muslims. For Muslims the child will still have to carry the patronym of their father (if known) or the patronym Abdullah (if their father is unknown). The entire process can take approximately 6 months to one year.
Family History
Finally, adoptive mothers will have no information of their child’s medical history. This can be especially dangerous because the adoptive mother will have difficulty making certain medical decisions. Moreover, any genetic disorders or health issues will not be detected until the child’s experiences them later in life. This poses a significant problem if the child has life-threatening allergies to food, medication, chemicals and environmental factors, etc. The mother won’t be able to catch the condition until the condition manifests.
A Mother by Choice, Not by Blood
Some women would do anything to have their own flesh and blood children. And yet there are many who take that privilege for granted. So many baby dumping cases have occurred around the country over the last decade. All while many couples struggle to conceive a child of their own. Even if adoption is a woman’s first choice when it comes to starting a family, whether she’s single or married, it’s not easy knowing the adoption process. What comes after can be just as equally as challenging. Her adoptive child may struggle with their own identity and questions. Society may judge her. But the fact that she is willing to give all her unconditional love to another’s child? This speaks volumes about just how much she deserves to be a mother.
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