Being a parent isn’t all sunshine and rainbows; sometimes you have deal with a few thunderstorms.
That is simply the part and parcel of parenthood.
However, when things get too chaotic, even mummies and daddies need some relaxation.
Children can be a handful, and dealing with their antics can be overwhelming.
Temper tantrums and picky eating aren’t the only things you have to contend with, either. If you’re a stay-at-home spouse, you may have a ton of chores to do.
If you’re working, your weekends may be fully-booked, leaving no time for you to catch your breath.
Lists and calendars keep you organised, but your internal clockwork may dysfunction if you don’t take care of yourself. Here are 8 ways to stay calm when your home is in chaos.
1. Deal With The Immediate Stressors First.
Good luck relaxing with your baby crying in the next room, or with a burning pan on the stove.
If the day gets too stressful, hit the pause button. Cancel all your appointments, especially those that can absolutely wait a day or two.
Deal with the problems in front of you.
If your child is acting up, clear your schedule to deal with their tantrums properly.
If they are being exceptionally difficult, consider it a teachable moment. You will not do them any favours by neglecting them at this time.
You need to deal with bad behaviours immediately before they get out of hand. When this happens, postpone your prior engagements.
Be present and talk to your kid. They will thank you later.
Leave the dishes in the sink, do the laundry another day, order out for food. You are not a lazy parent for taking a break.
2. Don’t Over-Plan
One of the ways to guarantee a burnout is to over-plan your day. You may think that cramming as many activities within a 24-hour window is wise, but don’t overestimate yourself.
If you want to avoid chaos in your life, don’t pen in more than three errands a day.
Remember, you still have a child to take care of, and younger kids tend to have extreme mood swings.
You don’t want to be dealing with a repairman while your kid is running around screaming.
If you absolutely need to get groceries that day, order online.
If you absolutely need to get your car checked, call in a relative or friend. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Don’t hesitate to end your errand run early, either. Sometimes it’s ok to just say “I’ve had enough” and call it a day.
Remember, you are of no use to anyone if you overexert yourself on a daily basis.
3. Build a Network
Don’t hesitate to reach out to your lifelines when the going gets tough. This may include close relatives and trustworthy friends.
If you have mums with young kids in your neighbourhood, consider exchanging phone numbers. Some mums may have good advice on how to deal with your problems.
The bigger your web of emergency contacts, the better chance you have of mitigating your domestic chaos quickly.
Sometimes you may not even need a helping hand, but merely a shoulder to cry on. So during these moments of despair, give one of your good friends a call.
Talking to someone who can relate to your struggles can be very therapeutic. If you prefer to remain anonymous, consider calling a mental health hotline like Befrienders.
Sometimes we don’t want our nearest and dearest to see us at our worst, and that’s okay.
4. Construct a Sanctuary
Husbands have man-caves. Wives have “she-sheds”. Now, I know not everyone may have a ton of space to waste on a personal retreat centre.
Nevertheless, you should still set aside a location in your home as your designated sacred space.
Even if it’s just a small corner in your bedroom, or a favourite sofa. It would still be best to have a door between you and the chaos.
Some kids have no concept of privacy and may still bother you while you’re trying to lower your blood pressure.
If you need to isolate to relax, do not leave young children unsupervised alone. Unless you have an older child to keep the younger one(s) in line. So put the kids to sleep first.
That way, you’ll have some breathing room to fully immerse yourself in any relaxation activities you have planned. Remember to decorate your safe space with things that spark joy.
Fairy lights, crystals, candles, incense, a vase of flowers. Anything that can take your mind off your stress for a while.
You may even end up preparing a relaxation kit stocked with all the essentials.
5. Perform a Daily Ritual
Now we get to the actual relaxing part. Your house may still chaotic, but at least you’ve dealt with the worst of the anarchy.
It’s time to enter the eye of the storm. What better way to help get you in a peaceful state of mind than with a relaxation ritual.
These don’t have to be in any way spiritual in nature.
Your ritual can be as simple as reading a good book or taking a walk.
Perhaps even something more elaborate like a bubble bath with scented candles and mood music playing in the background.
My advice is to take electronic devices out of the equation. So, preferably, no phones or television screens. Your goal is to wind-down, and devices can often times be too stimulating.
Whether you’re doing them at the beginning of the day, or at the very end, rituals are essential. However, it’s better to have one just before bedtime.
This way, you can allow the worries of the day to melt away. Winding down before sleep is a good way to prevent cumulative stress.
The next few suggestions will give you an idea of some other possible activities to include in your rituals.
6. Consider Botanicals
Herbs are nature’s medicine. They also carry significantly fewer risks than your standard antidepressant pill.
Not that there is anything wrong with modern medicine. You don’t have to be a hippie to use plants to relieve the stress and anxiety in your life.
Some herbs possess scientifically proven properties that can improve mood, reduce cortisol levels and even help you sleep.
These are not nearly as potent as prescription drugs, but they may do the trick. Moreover, they do not cause addiction or withdrawal symptoms.
One obvious way you can incorporate botanicals into your ritual is with teas. Steep your herbs in hot water and enjoy your beverage in a relaxing spot in your house.
You can also take botanicals as a supplement, an oil infusion, or tincture. Tinctures are basically herbal preparations made by steeping herbs in vinegar or alcohol.
Most of the locally sold botanicals can be a bit pricey, even chamomile tea. Therefore, this may not be a viable option for some.
7. Bring Out The Aromatherapy
An alternative way to use plants in your relaxation rituals is to use essential oils.
While the science behind how they work is still inconclusive, they may still offer some benefits.
Lavender essential oil for instance, can significantly improve sleep when inhaled. Peppermint oil can help with headaches and migraines when used the same way.
It may all be placebo, since any strong pleasant smell can stimulate and invigorate our senses.
The science of smell tells us that certain odours trigger emotional responses in our brains.
Pleasant smells trigger positive emotions, and bad ones trigger negative ones.
So it’s no wonder why a lot of people seem to have much success with aromatherapy as an alternative treatment to minor ailments.
If you have sensitive skin, opt for an essential oil burner.
That way, you can partake in aromatherapy without risking an allergic reaction.
8. Embrace the Zen
Breathing exercises, yoga, tai chi, you name it.
Eastern tradition is rife with ancient relaxation methods that can help control your stress.
If you’re worried that there are spiritual undertones to these practices, fret not.
You will not compromise your beliefs just by doing a couple of poses. There is no worship in sitting still and trying to quiet your mind.
Meditation is a good way to start if you want to go into deep relaxation. Moreover, almost every culture has its own history of the practice.
Close the blinds, play some gentle music and tune out all distractions.
Burn some incense and light some candles if that puts you in the mood. Then sit in a comfortable position, or lie down if that feels more comfortable.
All you need to do afterwards is focus on your breath. You may feel strange at first, but experts say it works wonders for stress.
Keep Calm and Relax
No one wants to play the stereotype of the old, tired parent.
Stress can take its toll on the body in many unhealthy ways, including weight gain.
So it’s important to not let your kids and your domestic responsibilities get the best of you.
So go ahead and give these relaxation tips a try.
You can even get your kids to participate in the relaxation process as well.
The most important thing to keep in mind is to go with the flow. You don’t want to stress yourself out trying so hard to de-stress.
That would simply defeat the purpose.
So kick off your shoes, lay back and enjoy some well-deserved R&R. The laundry can wait.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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