Many of us may have found out about sex much later in life – most likely during our tumultuous teen years.
If not in science or biology class, then from our more adventurous peers. The classmates who were a bit too familiar with the world wide web and all its dark, forbidden fruits.
But that is the norm. Sex education is not a thing in Malaysia; you’ll find that many parents may even be averse to the idea.
Outside of learning the basic anatomical functions of the reproductive organs in a school setting, your kids will likely not know anything about intercourse until someone tells them about it. Or until they see it on a video.
Even now, sex is a taboo subject in some families, a shameful secret that should only ideally be explored on your wedding night.
But that’s all changing.
Sex is everywhere these days: Movies, tv shows, social media and even books.
There’s no stopping your kids from eventually being exposed to it.
So, chances are, your kids will eventually wise-up without you even telling them about it.
And why would you? It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about especially with your kids.
But sex education is not all about sex.
The Truth About Sex Education
How sex education is portrayed in popular media is riddled with myths and exaggerations.
The actual lessons on intercourse probably only makes up 10% of the curriculum.
The other 90% is primarily about contraception, pregnancy, childbirth, STDs, and a whole of boring, but important, stuff. Stuff that nevertheless needs to be taught.
These topics are usually covered in science classes, particularly biology classes.
So, at the end of the day, should parents even need to have ‘The Talk’ with their kids?
Well, that depends.
Some younger kids may be a bit too curious for their age. And they may start asking questions like “Where do babies come from?”.
Other situations where sex education may be needed earlier than anticipated is if your kids catch you and your spouse doing the dirty.
Or when you discover that they’ve started watching porn and/or masturbating.
As horrifying as it is for a parent, children masturbating is quite normal.
But porn, on the other hand, may not be a healthy way for your kids to learn about sex.
The point is, sex education is simply giving your kids the correct information before they start hearing about it from unreliable and erroneous sources, like their peers and classmates.
While sex is a deeply personal matter, you don’t want your kids to develop some unhealthy fascination or aversion to sex. This may negatively impact their sex life later when they’re adults.
Which can go on to impact their romantic relationships, their marriage and even their ability to have children.
Here are some tips on how to safely broach the topic of sex to your children in a healthy, positive environment.
Talking to Your Kids About Sex
Avoid Using Metaphors
Eggplants and peaches, sausages and buns. These metaphors may be funny, but they may end up confusing your child.
The best thing you can do when talking to your kids about sex is try and be straightforward.
Younger children between the ages of 2 to 5 may already begin exploring their own bodies and genitals.
It is around this age where it may also be a good time to teach them the accurate names of sexual organs (penis/vagina) and about respecting other people’s body parts.
If they start asking questions about sexual matters, explain it to them in a way that they understand.
For example, “Mummy has an egg and daddy has a sperm. When we make love, daddy’s sperm enters mummy’s egg and together they make a baby.”
Don’t be afraid to use visual aid either.
There are plenty of age-appropriate images online that show how intercourse is performed that is palatable for minors.
There are also plenty of sex education books that can help with this.
Prepare Them
When your kids eventually enter the cusp of adulthood, talking about sex may eventually overlap with another topic that may be relevant to your child: Puberty.
This is when you talk to them about things like wet dreams, periods, and other bodily changes like breasts and pubic hair.
But puberty is also a time when your children really experience the full force of their libido and may begin to develop sexual urges.
It’s at this age that they’ve probably already learned to pleasure themselves (and yes, even girls).
Don’t discourage them from masturbating so long as it doesn’t interfere with their academics and personal life.
This will allow them to naturally relieve their sexual urges in a safe and risk-free environment.
But teens are remarkably resourceful and will often find a way to have sex regardless of your prohibitions.
To be on the safe side, arm them with contraceptives.
Avoid Fearmongering
It’s important not to traumatise your kids too much when talking about pregnancy, periods, childbirth and all that other stuff. Especially about masturbation since that will most probably their first experience exploring their bodies and experimenting with their sexuality.
The worst thing you can do is punish or shame them for it.
Most kids eventually learn the social stigma surrounding self-pleasure and will know not to do it in public.
But remind them anyway if you know for a fact they’ve started doing it. That as long as they don’t do it too often, and that they don’t do it in public, then it’s okay.
The same thing with sex.
STDs and unplanned pregnancies are indeed dangerous, but reassure them that as long as they’re using contraceptives, everything will be fine.
Normalising Sex Education at Home
Sex is a natural part of life. We exist because of it.
Our parents had sex just like their parents did before them.
Your kids will eventually need to have sex too once they’re adults and if they eventually want to start families of their own.
However, as part of the strict Asian parenting that we’re all so used to, many of us never end up talking about sex with our parents. Possibly not until we’re adults ourselves.
While many of us turned out fine, this doesn’t mean we can’t make sex education a better experience for our kids.
While sex education may never be an official classroom subject at Malaysian schools, that doesn’t mean we can’t still teach it informally at home to our kids.
In fact, having a parental figure whom you trust and admire talk to you about this difficult subject may prove to be more beneficial. Perhaps even more so than textbooks, YouTube videos or porn.
Even if premarital sex is a sin in your culture or religion, it doesn’t hurt to properly educate your kids about contraceptives, unplanned pregnancies and STDs. Even if you never talk about the intercourse part.
Hopefully, your kids will grow up with a healthy, positive view about their sexuality and about sex in general. Paving the way for positive sex education for generations to come.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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