Becoming a mother is often described as the most beautiful, transformative experience in a woman’s life. And it is. But let’s be honest: it is also one of the most overwhelming.
You are suddenly in charge of a tiny human who depends on you for everything, and the pressure to “get it right” can feel crushing.
If that were not enough, early motherhood comes with an avalanche of advice, much of it unsolicited, and nearly all of it contradictory.
It is no wonder so many new mothers find themselves exhausted not only from sleepless nights but also from the weight of advice overload.
The Avalanche of Contradictory Tips
Everyone has something to say the minute you announce your pregnancy.
Relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and even strangers at the grocery store.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps!” “Don’t let the baby sleep too much!”
“Hold the baby as much as possible!” “Don’t spoil the baby with too much holding!”
The guidance piles up like laundry that never gets folded, and before long, it is impossible to know whose advice to follow.
When Listening To Everyone Becomes Impossible
At first, you might try to listen to it all. After all, it comes from people who care about you and your child
But listening to everyone is like trying to follow a hundred different GPS directions at once.
One says turn left, another says go right, and you end up stuck in the middle of an intersection with your hazard lights flashing.
This constant stream of advice can chip away at a new mother’s confidence.
You may even start to question your instincts.
If your baby cries and you comfort them, you might hear a voice in your head reminding you of the aunt who said you are “creating bad habits”.
If you take a nap instead of scrubbing bottles, you remember the well-meaning friend who said, “A clean environment is essential for the baby’s health.”
It becomes less about what feels right for you and your baby and more about what everyone else thinks you should be doing.
Why People Give So Much Advice
The truth is, advice overload often says more about the giver than the receiver.
People offer parenting tips because they may want to validate their own choices.
If someone sleep-trained their baby at three months, they may want you to do the same because it reassures them that their decision was correct.
If someone exclusively breastfed for a year, they may want you to breastfeed for a year too, because it affirms their sacrifice was worth it.
Advice often comes wrapped in a bow of care, but inside it can carry the weight of judgement.
The Role of Social Media in Overload
Social media only makes this worse.
Scroll through Instagram or TikTok and you will see mothers presenting curated versions of parenthood. Each with its own list of “must-dos” and “never-dos”.
A quick search for “baby bedtime routine” can lead you down a rabbit hole.
The next thing you know, there are ten different “expert-approved” schedules – all claiming to be the best.
By the end, you are not only confused; you may also be convinced you are failing because your three-month-old is not sleeping twelve hours straight.
This kind of overload creates a dangerous culture of comparison.
Instead of learning to trust our own judgement, we outsource decision-making to a collective of voices that do not actually live in our homes or raise our children.
We lose sight of the fact that babies are individuals, and so are mothers.
What works beautifully for one family might be a disaster for another.
The Advice We Really Need
So, what is the solution?
It may sound simple, but it is radical: new mothers need permission to tune out.
When someone gives you unwanted advice, just smile politely, nod when advice is given, and then ignore it if it does not feel right. Unfollow accounts that breed insecurity.
Draw boundaries with relatives who cannot resist offering constant critiques.
And most importantly, trust that no one knows a baby better than their mother.
The irony is that the advice we most need to hear in early motherhood is often the one least spoken: “You already have what it takes.”
Confidence does not come from following a script handed down by others.
It comes from trial and error, from noticing what soothes your baby, from realising you are more resilient than you thought.
Mistakes will happen, but they are not failures. They are part of the learning curve of parenting, and no amount of outside instruction can replace that lived experience.
Motherhood Is Not A Performance
Yes, seek out support when you truly need it.
Lean on experts for real medical concerns. Share stories with other parents for solidarity.
But let go of the idea that there is one perfect way to mother.
The truth is, there are millions of ways, shaped by culture, values, personality, and circumstance.
Motherhood is not a performance to be graded by others.
It is a relationship – messy and imperfect – between you and your child.
So, the next time advice overload comes knocking, remember this: you are allowed to close the door.
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