Everyone struggles with asking for help, even if you’re not a new parent with a new baby.
But unlike most people, new parents require more help solely from the new responsibilities that they must now shoulder.
Between work, chores, diapers, bedtime, playdates and feedings, you can feel like you’re being pulled into a million different directions.
If you’re starting to experience the symptoms of parental burnout, that’s when you know you need to take things seriously.
If you’re a first-time parent struggling to keep it all together (or an expectant one), here are some good tips on how to ask for help.
Cash In on Old Favours
As much as we love our friends, some of our interactions with them may be purely transactional.
We ask for and do favours all the time in our friendships. And that’s okay.
We only ask help from people who we trust, people who we’ve known for a long time.
After all, you wouldn’t ask a stranger to babysit your kids. Not unless they’ve gone through a rigorous vetting process.
So, if you’ve ever helped a friend with something, even if it’s nothing parenting related, don’t forget to cash in on those old favours.
But don’t dredge up the past from something you did for them a decade ago.
Make sure it’s recent and significant. Something that has equivalent value of exchange.
Make More Friends
Another proactive tip is to surround yourself with good and trustworthy people.
A good way to do this is to join parenting classes or go on walks in the playground.
Places nearby where you know parents take their kids all the time.
Then, strike up a conversation with a few parents or people there with kids.
They may be more likely to enjoy babysitting or perhaps even a playdate for the kids.
Pay It Forward
Now that you’ve made a lot of parent friends, don’t forget to return the favour every once in a while.
You won’t be struggling all the time as a new parent, so during those peaceful ‘eye of the storm’ moments, make sure you reach out to offer help in return.
This can also be said for relatives, cousins, siblings, etc. Anyone who has kids.
You don’t want to be asking around for help from people all the time and not do some helping yourself.
As much as we’d like for everyone to be at our beck and call, people generally don’t like it when you take and take but never give back.
And honestly, it may come off as being a bit selfish and people will end up blowing you off in the future.
Remember, people aren’t expendable.
Bring in the Grandparents
There is no greater ally in your life than your children’s grandparents.
After all, chances are they’ve been pestering you about grandkids ever since you got hitched.
It’s not a stereotype anymore at this point. Your parents will always ask their children about grandkids when they reach a certain age.
So, while you can always rely on trustworthy friends, your parents should always be on speed dial.
Let them have a turn with the baby every once a while if you think they can handle it.
After all, your same-age friends may be busy with their own kids, and their own careers.
On the other hand, many elders are retirees who have plenty of free time on their hands. Just be sure to give your parents or in-laws a little something for their troubles.
Show Your Appreciation
While helping is technically free, and most people do do it out of their kindness of their hearts, it’s still nice to offer something once in a while to sweeten the deal.
It doesn’t always have to be money, a gift, or even a favour returned.
A nice home-cooked meal, can often be a great incentive for the people in your life to continue offering their selfless services.
And don’t make your intentions vague either. Declare clearly that you’re inviting them for dinner, taking them shopping, etc. because they helped you out in the past.
People generally like to be acknowledged, and cherished for their contributions. That’s just how the reward center of the brain functions.
They’ll be more motivated to continue helping you in the future. So, that’s a nice psychological trick for you.
Utilising Those Lifelines
We all have to ask for help once in awhile. And parenting is indeed a steep learning curve.
No amount of training can prepare you for the crushing weight of new responsibilities that come with the title of ‘parent’. It can be overwhelming at times.
So, don’t be afraid to ask for help, as long as it’s from the right people.
It’s during tumultuous times like these that you may get to know who your real friends are—as depressing as it may sound.
So, don’t take those acts of kindness for granted; they must really love you if they’re taking precious time out of their day to help you out.
Because in a quid pro quo world, paying kindness with kindness is the greatest currency you could ever own.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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