Disagreements, conflict and quarrelling happens in every family. That is just what naturally happens when you live with other people in such close quarters.
Some might expect blood relatives to always live in peace and harmony regardless of whatever trials and tribulations they may face.
But that might not be the case every time.
Families can quarrel because of differences of opinion, unfair accusations and even innocent remarks taken out of context.
There may also be plenty of times when both parties are lost in translation, and the intended message never comes through.
Here are a few tips on how to avoid miscommunication among your family members.
Recognise the Problem
One of the reasons why miscommunication may never be never resolved in a family is because no one wants to admit that it’s happening.
In some Asian households, it may seem important to keep up pretenses.
Parents may be expected to know everything and the children to obey without question. But communication goes both ways.
If you don’t communicate your expectations clearly, then there will be arguments. Also, your children have their own opinions and ideas too.
It’s important to play it by ear and hear their thoughts on decisions that affect the family. Even if it’s something as simple as what to eat for dinner.
Don’t Withhold Information
Keeping secrets, leaving out details and bending the truth are the perfect recipe for miscommunication.
You can’t expect your loved ones to read your mind. Any pertinent information that may affect how things are to be done should be disclosed the moment the conversation starts.
If you’re asking your spouse to buy tissue paper, make sure you clarify the type, brand and price limit. This is just a simple example, of course.
It’s often much more complicated in real life.
For instance, not voicing out your dissatisfactions can also be a form of miscommunication.
So, always be clear cut and precise when you communicate your wants and needs with your family members.
But in the same vein, don’t bombard them with so many details that it becomes patronising.
Write It Down
Some families may own refrigerator whiteboards where they can leave notes for each other.
This can be useful if you rarely get face-to-face time due to work or school responsibilities.
In this modern age, some of us just text each other.
But as convenient as text messages may be, they can also be easily missed or forgotten.
So, having something written down for you to see everyday can be a great way to remind your family members of chores and errands.
While it can be passive aggressive to leave written notes, there are ways to lessen the blow. A smiley face or an affectionate sign off can definitely make the task less like a chore and more of a favour.
Think Before You Speak
While it’s important to be clear when we communicate, it’s also important to foster good relationships to ensure good communication in the future.
One of the things that may jeapordise this is negative comments.
At times, some may not think twice about what they say because we are comfortable being around our loved ones.
Words may come out on a whim that could be hurtful or unkind when taken out of context.
However, this can sometimes be hard during moments of heightened emotional turmoil. We may say things out of anger that we don’t really mean.
And when that camaraderie is broken, it can be hard to communicate in a harmonious or respectful way afterwards.
Avoid Sarcasm
When trying to discipline or advise your kids, try not to use sarcastic tones.
Those remarks might sound innocent or even funny to some adults, but they may be hurtful to a child.
It is also the kind of ambiguous, indirect language that tends to get misunderstood all too easily. Alongside hints, suggestions and jokes.
Even sarcasm in general when not used to convey a useful message can be harmful. Things like their body composition, eating habits, hobbies or even their fashion sense should not be made fun of.
This also applies when talking to your spouse. Your intent to be humorous may bubble up later in the future from old resentments.
Being sarcastic about past miscommunications can also perpetuate more of this animosity. Which brings us to the next point.
Don’t Dredge Up the Past
Some parents may have brought up past sacrifices to guilt trip their kids into silence.
It may work at times, but here’s why you shouldn’t do so.
When we think about communication, we don’t just consider our intention, facts and delivery. We also have to factor in trust, respect and cooperation.
If your kids are wary, tired or annoyed about talking to you, then whatever communication you attempt with them will fall apart.
One of the things that people, not just kids, hate is when you keep recalling the past in a non-constructive way. So, they may avoid talking to you altogether if all you do is repeat ancient history.
Let Go of Pride
Oftentimes miscommunication occurs because of pride.
A previous argument may have soured the relationship, leading to reluctant conversations and cold shoulders.
Instead of saying “Yes, I will do that” you may just grunt or shrug your shoulders.
When it comes to clear communication it’s important to respond accordingly.
But if you’re holding onto a grudge, you may not be receptive or open-minded to tasks and expectations.
So, if a disagreement has occurred, make sure to make amends before it affects all of your future communication.
Breaking Down the Communication Barriers
Even when we try to talk to our family members in a clear and precise manner, there will always be barriers and challenges standing in the way.
One or both parties may not be good listeners, or there may be some information that neither person knows.
That is why we must always be as transparent as we can when we try to convey our expectations, when we delegate tasks and when we ask for favours.
Otherwise, we may get unsatisfactory, disappointing or even opposite results than we intended.
So, anytime you have a conversation with your spouse or kids, be sure to voice out exactly what you want, how it should be done and what is expected of everyone involved. Even if that includes yourself.
Smooth communication is always within reach. All it takes is a little effort, some experience and a whole lot of patience.
You’ve got this, parents!
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