From Cinderella to Snow White, from The Parent Trap to Ella Enchanted, stepmums have been dealt a bad rep since the inception of filmmaking. And fairy tales aren’t the only genre that’s responsible for this unimaginative trope. Movies, books and even some TV shows have taught us since we were young that stepmothers are not to be trusted. They are the ‘evil homewreckers’ who have robbed their stepchildren of a happy home. Nicknamed ‘The Stepmonster’, they are often painted as ugly, devious, cunning and dangerous. But where do the myths start and the facts begin? Here’s a short history lesson on why you should throw the whole evil stepmum myth out the window.
The Myth of the “Wicked Stepmother”
Earliest accounts of the wicked stepmother trope were probably found in the Brothers Grimms’ fairy tales. Specifically, the original German fable by the name of Aschenputtel; which we now know today as ‘Cinderella’. Take note this was way back in the 1800s. Women in general had a very low standing in European society. Women who marry into motherless families must have had an even worse reputation. It is also not uncommon for the men of that period to harbour very sexist views towards the opposite sex.
But put yourself in the shoes of the women who lived in that era. They probably outnumbered men by the dozen (which is probably accurate throughout the rest of the world too). And with not much medical knowledge available at the time, many probably died during childbirth. The single women in a certain town or district may have very limited prospects when it came to men. Hence, some women resorted to marrying widowers with children from their previous marriage.
One thing to note as well is that, due to societal expectations, the stepmother was probably expected to assume the role of the family caretaker. She would have to take care of the widower’s children just like any woman is expected to at that time. This is nothing short of being a glorified maid. So, I wouldn’t blame these women for holding some resentment towards the husband. Even then, domestic abuse at the hands of stepmothers were probably few and far between. However, as they say, it only takes one bad apple to spoil the whole barrel.
The Reality of Step Families
The fact of the matter is, normal nuclear families have contributed to more broken homes and domestic violence than stepfamilies. While some data suggests that child abuse is six times greater in blended families, the arbitrator of violence would usually be the stepdad, not the stepmum. The truth is men are much more prone to violence than women. While that is a generalisation, it does make the likelihood of evil stepmothers very low indeed. Coupled by the fact that generally, many stepmums marry into the family after the children are already grown adults.
This is not to say that all blended families are all sunshine and rainbows. It is always hard to accept a stranger into your family after a death or a divorce. Some stepchildren may never truly accept their stepparent. Others may simply maintain a lukewarm relationship, just enough to get by until the child comes of age and moves out. If anything, to keep the peace. And then there are also many others who form deep, loving and long-lasting bonds that equal biological ties. It is important to remember that it is possible for biological mothers to contribute to an unhappy family, just as much as stepmothers can help heal a broken one. It all comes down to what kind of person you are.
Celebrate the Stepmother in Your Life
Being a stepmum is still very stigmatised in Malaysia, in part thanks to fairy tales that are still in circulation to this day. Books like Cinderella and Snow White will continue to grace the children’s literature section in bookstores decades into the future. Such is the power of a good story. But as a negative consequence, fictional characters are also treated as if they reflect their real-world counterparts. People automatically think you’re up to no good if you’re a stepmother and that all you want is the family fortune. The fact of the matter is, anyone is capable of great wickedness. The stepmother just so happens to have the misfortune of being popularised in mainstream media as a villainess. So, if you know a stepmum, make sure to withhold the judgement. They probably don’t enjoy being squeezed into such an unoriginal stereotype. This Stepmother’s Day, let’s celebrate the stepmother in your life as she deserves.
Motherhood wishes all stepmummies a Happy Stepmother’s Day
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