To see those two lines on the pregnancy test kit for the first time would surely bring pure happiness to the expecting mother. Especially for those that have been trying to conceive for quite some times, the feeling is indescribable.
When my husband and I first saw our two lines, we could not believe it. I took the test again just to ensure it was real and fortunately, luck was on our side. Of course, we could not be happier. Few months passed by, after a countless check-up, and it is finally the day when my son comes to see the world.
But, after a few days, something was off. The feeling of the first time mother was not like what I always see in the movie. I wondered why.
Welcoming the Bundle of Joy
Of course, when my son was born we were so happy and excited. Especially after the battle with the continuous contraction (contraction is no joke. It was so painful I wish I could punch someone in the scrotum!); having him out of me was actually a big relief.
I felt like I finally can rest. With family members came to visit, boxes of newborn presents from friends and relatives, they took pictures of my son, guided me with all the mums’ duties, I was astonished and touched.
But after a few days went by, the feeling started to change.
And the Reality Struck In…
Before I was a mother, I always thought the feeling to be a first-time mother would always be in the cloud nine. Well, that is what was portrayed in the dramas and movies. But welp, I was wrong.
After only a day we were discharged, my son was admitted again to the hospital when he refused to wake up to be fed. He was an Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR) baby and weighed only 1.9kg. Hence, it was one of the common symptoms for him refused to be fed and wake up.
We spent another three nights at the hospital and I could not stress enough how stressful it was. Since my baby refused to feed, my milk supply dropped even though I tried pumping. Just like most mothers, breastfeeding and pumping were so painful. I always scream silently whenever I start to pump.
To be honest, feeding an IUGR newborn needs a lot of patience. It took almost an entire hour for him to finish just two ounces of formula milk.
I only got to rest for another hour before another hour of feeding battle. It is no doubt I look like a zombie on our three days’ vacation at the hospital. The only time I could sleep longer was when my husband came during visiting hours and took over the entire job.
On the second night at the hospital, my son was diagnosed with jaundice. Though it is a normal illness for newborn, with all that was happening around me along with the imbalance hormone, watching him under the blue lamp broke my heart.
I cried every night I was there. You may call me a dramatic, but the three nights at the hospital was a traumatic experience for me. Even after months, I still cannot see the shirt my son worn when we discharged – it was just so heartbreaking.
The Saga Continues
Just like most mothers, I too suffered baby blues during the first few weeks after I gave birth. Luckily I have a strong support system which I can always look up to and I am glad it was not getting any worse.
One thing that always bugged me was my failure to breastfeed and supply enough expressed milk to my baby. Perhaps my imbalance hormone also plays a part. I always felt down whenever I look at my expressed milk.
But now as I think about it, I was being silly back then by being competitive and anxious for not direct feeding my baby. Mummies, it is still okay to feed our baby with formula milk.
Our baby is not less of a baby and we are not any less of a mother. As long as you both are healthy, everything else is fine. Please keep that in mind.
Everything is Back to Normal
The newborn is powerless and yet powerful. The magical power from that small body managed to get a new mother offbeat.
After around two weeks, my son learnt to wake himself up for feeding. No more forced feeding.
Even though I still need to feed him formula milk and only able to fully breastfeed him a month later, I am all relief. Not to mention, he gained a lot on his first month too!
After a few weeks, I found myself back to normal again. My condition became better and stronger, and no more grumpy new mum in the house.
I started to enjoy my motherhood journey despite all the sleepless nights and tiring days. And now, my little son is a 3-year-old active toddler with a chatty mouth.
Same Difficulties, Different Stories
I asked some people around me on how was their feeling and experience of becoming a first-time mother and surprisingly, they too faced the similar difficulty, but in their own stories.
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Prolong Jaundice
One of my friends’ newborn was diagnosed with prolonged jaundice. She needs to go back and forth to the clinic for a blood test and the results were always disappointing.
As she is recovering from the post-delivery, it was a little bit hard to commit to the appointment. But once you are a mother, you will always be a mother.
No matter how hard it is, mothers always ready for the sake of their children. After a full month, the blood test is finally clean.
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Colic in newborn
Another story is about my sister in law. She had to deal with a colic newborn. As a first time mother, it is hard to hear your baby crying non-stop for unknown reasons.
During that time, she wished her baby could talk and tell her what is wrong so she could fix it. It may sound silly but when you have done everything, and it did not turn out well, that is what you would really wish for.
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Post c-section
It is a different story from my cousin. Unfortunately, she suffered post c-section surgery complications. She went through quite a massive bleeding which needed another minor surgery.
Just to hear the word surgery is enough to bring the chill. And the fact that she had to face it twice within a month is the major reason why a mother is one of the most respected people.
Unlike what is always portrayed in a movie or drama, the feeling of the first time mother though overwhelming, it is often companied with some lonely and sad feeling.
The newborn and mother are always at risk of many complication and illness. Hence, with the mother being hormonal; those small things often take a toll emotionally.
Stay tuned with Motherhood Story for more birth stories and motherhood journey.